i was taking hydrocodine for awhile, trying to see how many i could take bfor i would get so high i wouldnt be able to feel anything, bcuz i like that feeling, numb, it... well it makes tihngs easier.. and so im taking this hydrocodine and im tihnking damn, i could kill myself if i get high enuf not to chicken out at the last second... and it never comes bcuz i like get sick cuz i took like, i dunno 7 hydrcodine, eight tylonal, four diet pills, ya four, and three of my antidepression pills, and i go to practice, for choir, cuz i can actually sing ya know,so im at choir practice, and im standing up trying ot sing and my mouth gets all watery and im trying to sing and it dont work, so i sotp and take abreath and stand still for aminute not knowing i got my knees locked, my mouh starts to get all dry and i start to get all dizzy and stuff, feel like im gonna like fall over or freak out, so i take off running to the bathroom, i start running water all over my face and then i throw up... so finally i go back to choir practice, and everyone is looking at me(its adults so i cant tell anyone of them) and im trying to stand up and sing but i cant bcuz my legs keep giving out and im sweating and no one seems to notice.. finally its over and i gotta drive home, and im tihnking maybe i should stop and tell someone wats goin on, but im to scared so i dont, also im hoping secretly maybe ill die ya know, and so i keep g oing, i make it home and just fall on my bed and like pass out... since then i havnt done any more.. been to scared i guess. nother chick sh*t thing.. maybe i'll go to my friends house, she'll get me stoned, and then i wont have to worry about feeling the pain, or being scared to do it.. i dont know wat to do anymore.. i told two people about this, but i cant do this anymorei cant need to die anymore, its not working.. i cant.. please help me...
ROze

Well...

My opinion,which is not an expert one but i guess i can share it with you.

Personally i am no stranger to psychoactives. I know one thing though for sure ,i have seen it countless times both in close friends and in strangers.If any form of a psychoactive (like opioids) are used as an "escape plan" then your own psycological defences will tone down. That means that whatever you do ,wherever you are once things get tough your brain will start seeking altered mental states via psychoactives....

This can lead to opiate addiction,alcoholism ,death (No,Death is not nice,repeat,death is not nice) and a lot of social and emotional burden that follows all this.

My dear rose,try to cut down on psychoactives first.You have potential insede you.BLast it on some paper! You can draw a lot of stuff to express yourself.You can write poems! You can sing...Jam that quitar you got there,skate,turn up your favorite music loud and sing or scream with the singer! You can also use up some sexuall energy which can help the body to calm down

Its all good stuff! All the above are a healthy way to vent!Abuse of psychoactives as an escape route,will lead to unhealthy situations!

lol, thanx. its just that there are so many things that i cant seem to handle, and at the time, certain things, like cutting, seem like the best thing to do... like, i used to be cutting everyday, like more than once a day, and it would help me to releave pain, like ya know contcentrating on that. but then it got hard to cover them up, so i tried to find other ways to releave myself ya know... and its so hard to go to skool and not react to some of the things that people say. like they dont even know there are being rude most of the time, yet it makes me want to freak out at most of the things they say... but i dont and i dont tell them whenever it hurts bcuz i dont want them mad at me and. im so not confident like most people tihnk i am. like i know that i can do some things good but i know im not so great that im going to have a carrerr doing some of them one day im not stupid im realistic and i know when to know things arent gonna happen. like, i can sing, and i can act... okay im actually good at those tihngs,. modesty aside, i can do those things pertty well, and i write perty okay too, but not great enuf to BE someone at them... ya know? so i know that tihngs wont work out for me, good tihngs i mean, so why try ya know? why shoud i be alive, like i dont even know why i should be here... lol uinhealthy situations, ya thats kinda wat i want, like i want to die, and i supose you would classify that as unheathly huh? lol im sorry, i really am glad for ur advice, meaning at least you took the time to write me bak on this thing, wheere i honlesty do need all the help i can get bcuz i know its not right really, and i know its unhealthy but i cant stop bcuz it helps me... and i have tried to write baout it, but i got some sort of writers block or something honlesty up there my first post is the best thing i've written in like a year. i odnt know wat to do anymore.

How can We as a community offer further help?

ya know i really dont know.. lol i;'ve tried to get help so many times, but i honlesty dont know how to help myself..i mean i am trying to be confident. but it isnt working very well which is wat started the cutting thing... and i need to do that.. do you have ny ideas on how to be mnore confident?

ha!
sweetthang!

i have some boxer shorts that say "i like to do the wild thang!".i usually put em on ,crank up on the stereo the "boys and girls" track from blur and dance seminaked allover the place! i usually stay away from windows ,for neighboors not to see! so nice ,so nice! it helps me vent!

yay!

whooooohooo!

they call me ka-raaaaaaaaaaaaaazyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!


confidence is acquired with years! just be a bit crazy! all the energy you put in cutting yourself ,ty to channel it in making others laugh or being a bit looney...you know when people will truely like you? only when you be yourself! no matter what you thing of yourself,you will magickally find out that once you start being who you really are ,many people will like you!

throw away the masks,and enjoy the amazing person you are! it is a gift to yourself and a gift to others as well! soon after that you will also notice that the opposite sex likes you alot!

its tried ,and it works!

tada!

Lol, no actually, i am a funny person. at least my friends are just about always laughing aorund me, but latley i dont know this year i was a lot better actualy but thats just bcuz i have ben better at hiding it this year than last. like some sh*t was oging ontonight and ya, everyone still tihnks im a happy person and just a little tired.. well wat can i say.... at least i know i am a good actor huh? but confidence, ya know i thought i had some of it but turned out it was false.. lol boxers huh? wel, i guess i od like my hair now, well the color anyways, im confident the clor is cute lol. its pretty short tho.. im at least confident about that.. not much else.. my friend ismoving to utah in like a week. i went to see him today with my mom bcuz he is like 20 so she just couldnt let me go alone, its been like three yeras since i've seen him, she wouldnt leave us alone for five minutes so we could tlak, we were only there for an hour (cuz he had to work and was tireed and had to get up for work the next day, understandable) but she wouldnt even i mean sh*t all i got from him was a hug and we hardley even talked when i serioulsy really wanted to talk to him.. all the way home iw as tihnking up the way, how, and wat i would say in my suicide letter bcuz i was so depressed, i will never get to see him again. and then bcuz im a stupid chicken sh*it, i couldnt do it..

Hey,

I was just reading of your plight.
I don't get it, I mean this suicide kick thats sweeping the nation, with all this young kids. Baby, you ain't EVEN begun to live yet! Wait until you got some experience living underneath ya; then you'll see how tough it really gets!
All this schoolyard grief that people want to layoff of ya, just laugh and walk away.
It is so small time! There are bigger things to be cocerned with. If all you do is look for trouble it will always find you. If all you do is see thing in the black, then all you'll ever see is the darkness.
Only YOU have the wherewithall to either accept or deny what ever is presented to you. You want s**t then baby, sign for the package. If ya don't want it don't accept it. Don't let other people make you responsible for how THEY feel and don't blame others for the fact that you don't want to make yourself better than you are.

You are one of the most awesome human beings that ever walked this humble planet.

Check this,
You have had the fortune to be born in the MOST dangerous, and potentially sick time in HISTORY and you've made it this far!!!! And now you want to give up and die???????? Whats up with that?? Because of this little small time thang or that little small time thing. Let it go. Walk away from it and let it go. You never wanted to die in the first place you were just scared, there ain't nothing wrong with being scared sometime. Sometimes it the smartest thing you can do, because it stops you from making a small mistake BIGGER.

You are so much bigger than your piddly little problems, so let your problems know just that and how they aren't welcome anymore. At first those little small time problems won't listen, they'll keep coming back and keep coming back. Stand against them and speak to them, and tell them what is what.
And never, never, NEVER back down from a problem.
Because when you do, you're done.


Until...