Since I don't know any of you, in person I mean, I feel it's ok to tell ya'll stuff. I'm not suposed to mention this one, so I needed somewhere to talk about it, and hell, I figurered this place would work since ya'll are so "helpful" (That was a joke, no-one get ofended now)

Well most of ya'll know about the little problems i'm having with the baby's daddy, the not being sure, him looking at jail time, ya know, "normal" shit. Around here anyway. Well on sunday, stupid ass that he is, he stole a motorcylce, wrecked it, and as we speak is still runninf from the cops.

If they catch him, and honeslty; they probably won't, but if they do, he goes away for life. That whole three strikes ur out thing?? Well he's on like his, sixth. They kept giving him chances but they're not this time.

How fucked is that? First I heard (again) that he is saing my kid aint his, and that hurt alot. But hey, I already sayd that if he didn't want her to be his all he had to do was say so. But I MEANT tell me. I mean at least he loves his other kids ya know...

Now he's looking at life, how do you tell ur daughter, sorry ur daddy's is jail coz he's a stupid crackhead who can't say no?

You dont tell your child, you say something else happened to him, something she can look up to her daddy for. If he is on his sixth strike and will be going to jail, then you shouldnt have him be the father of your child anyways. Thats a horrible example for a parent to set for a child, it actually works out better for the kid that the father doesnt think shes his.

Whats more, if he doesnt get caught then he will be a fugitive and if he believes your child is his and comes to see him/her. You could be harboring a fugitive and well... you could go to jail to and your child would be up for adoption.

Now that you mention it, time for you to go to the library angel. Why? you need to read extensivly on a few subjects

1. Early Childhood Development
2. Sociology (important)
3. Child Psychology

The first three years of childhood are Crutial, those three years will determine various neurological factors that will allow your child to succeed.

Bach is good music incase you are wondering, Mozart as well, spatial skills are important, there are very simple toys that can mean the diffrence between genuis and idiot. Im not as fluent in Child development as I am in other subjects but I still understand a lot about it.

Next, your child needs a good male figure role model, if you dont have one in the family. Then you should go to Big Brothers and have a volunteer spend some time with your kid. Even just one hour a week with a family friend will do a world of diffrence.

Read the REAL psychology books, not the dummed down new mother crap, why? because its all bullshit, I know, I have family members who very stupidly read about 20 diffrent child books written for mothers and whatnot. I take one look at a decent psychology book and blow them away, dont waste your time on the commercialized new mothers crap. Go straight for the Psychology section, childhood development, read and re-read and you will never regret it. Read about all three subjects, for Sociology you are going to want to focus on Female Roles and various topics on Females in society, its ususally near the feminism part of the sociology section. Sociology is so crucial and so overlooked by most people, you will be amazed at all the things you can do to help your daughter become successful. Oh and take notes.

Get reading.

I've actually taken child hood dev. before, and pyhycology. Crazy coz I nver really thought I would have a kid. I have been reading all sorts of things about being a mom and about ur kid, and i'm actually taking these "new mother classes" they have out town. And there they also give you dipaers and stuff, so that's good.

I do want to read more on it coz I find the stuff interesting, moslty just bcoz I have a little human being inside me. Which i'm still not complelty believing. Like I know she's there, but how it's just weird and you things still ain't real to you? That's how it is.

As for daddy, well the thing is. When he's around, and he's not high, he is a good daddy. It's just that he is hardley ever NOT high... Hardley ever. He has two other kids ( I pick the best guys eh? ) And I know how he is with them. And I know that he can be a good guy and a good dad its just that he has a disease. And it's called meth. And well, watever the hell else he can get his hands on really.

I used to be like that but as soon as I found out I was prego I stoppped. And that's the hard part about cutting him out of mmy daughter's life comp. I know wat it's like to be consumed by drugs and have that be all you do.

Also I know how hard it is to grow up without a dad (whether you have male role models or not) My dad was a druggie\ alcoholis (you really do pick ur dad's to date lol) And I knew that, and I knew that I am sort of better off with out him, but that don't make it any easier.

Coz I just remember the times when he did come around and he wasnt high or drunk and he was a good dad. And it's harder when they are just GONE and don't come around at all.

Eh, fugative, hell that's wat all my friends are. And that doesnt make them bad people either.. and hell he might get a nother chance, and have it be like seventh or 20th before anything happens...

Yea, but who your daughter spends her time with will greatly influence who she turns out to be, do you want her to be a drunk and drug addict? If not, keep her away from the druggies, fugitives and drunks. Im not saying its going to be easy, I know this will be hard for you but, its in your daughters best intrests and you need to focus on her right now.

Whether or not he can be a good dad is not in question, you cannot have a jeckal and hide raising your daughter, you need someone whos stable and will give her only a positive influence. You must break the cycle or it will repeat, just like your dad was a druggy, you used to be one, your daughters father is one, she must have non drug users to look up to... otherwise, she will have the same problems your having.

Lol yeah, I know that's true. I do get that. But it wasn't just becasue of my dad and mother being druggies\alcholics that I did drugs. Hell I was raiesed to be a good christain gurl going to chruch three times a wk and every time there was a geust speaker. Out of all my friends, only one knows my mom and that's bcuz HE used to go to church with her.

Ya, she is gonna need someone stable and who isnt into drugs, I know that. Biggest problem is that no-one is Lewis County is comp. drug-free lol. And besides, i'm never going to get a relationship with a good guy, so I can't help her out there.

I'm not going to comp. and totally force him out of her life (if he chooses to accepct that she's his) coz that would be wrong. She is his kid, and he does have a right to see her just like she has a right to see him if and when he wants to.

But she won't be staying with him, nor' will she be around any of the people I am friends with. (If they decide to call me that is)

But i'm not going to deny him or her the right of that relationship... He wouldn't be around all the time if he decides to accept her, it would only be a few times a month probably... And other then that, she will have good role models. Myself included...

It's just hard when that's all you know, and thats the only friends you have.

Aren't you putting too much pressure on your unborn daughter, already? It's not her fault that you chose to show her to life. So, start from square one with her just like you would have liked it to be done to you from the begining. Easy for me to say: I'm just a guy, you know!!! But, seriously, if I could hold the power to create life and could make choices with it, I would start by not doint onto it everything wrong that was done on to me. What do you think?

Yeah, I get that. And that's why i'm not going to force things on here.. church.. and that type of shit... Only i'm not going to forbid her to see her dad if he decides (before she's born) that she's his. which she is.

And i'm not getting the pressure that i'm putting on her??

No i don't want her to have a life like mine which is why i'm trying. But its hard to comp. change everything about you in a matter of a couple months. That's why i'm talking it out. and Trying to be ok without being around those people as much as I used to. Hell I havnt seen them in almost two months anyway.

Side's theres no reason I can't be friends with them, if they're not aounrd her, or influence her. There's no reason.

Just being friends with them isnt going to make me go back to being a fuckin crackhead, ive stopped that stuff, only bcoz of her. I wouldnt ever have stopped otherwise.

Angelroze, just for the sake of etiquete, and because I love this site so much: Would it be asking too much if you typed "fu**in" or something like that instead of spelling out the whole word alltogether? I mean, unless absolutely necessary, like in a poem, or something like that. Just asking...

Angel this isnt just about making your daughters life better, its about making your life better too. You need to seriously ask yourself if you would rather have a better life than the people around you and risk loosing their friendship or keep their friendship and continue the path your looking down now.

Angel I watched one of my friends destroy himself with drugs, he was brilliant in math, in fact I believe he got over 90% every year. But one night angel, he got too drunk and too high and started beating away at cars, slicing tires with a knife and causing trouble. Then the police came, he has been arrested over 10 times these past two years, mugged once and almost lost everything. All of this is a direct result from his drug habit, the people mugged him because they thought he had oil, he was always arrested for drugs or under the influence of drugs and you know what angel? I almost got arrested too, even though I didnt do anything wrong. I almost got into a knife fight while he ran into some associates of his that he was not very pleased with and all in all you know what? I havent spoken to the man in over 2 and 1/2 years and my life has been better because of it.

Angel I know what im talking about, if it wasnt for my skills as a ninja i would have a lengthy record because of him, even though I was completly innocent. Did you know that your income is directly related to the 5-10 people you are closest too? Who you hang out with does have an effect on you Angel and you need to make the decision that you dont want to live like them.

Lol no it woulnd't be too much to ask. I geuss I just dont even think about it when i'm typing, coz I type like I write and it just comes out sometimes. Sorry if it offended anyone and i'll try not to type that STUFF anymore.

I know that my life could be better without alot of those people in it. But they are my friends regardless of what they do. And I can't just abandond them becasue they don't fit into my new life.

No i'm probably not going to go and hang out with them all the time like I used to, but i'm not going to forget about them either. If they need something, I will help them out. I'm not going to ignore them. And if I see them I will talk to them. If I wanna go down there like once or twice a month I don't think that is a huge problem... Unless I move and am like totally away.

It won't be ANYTHING like it used to be, anything. But they will still be my friends. I'm actually having to start the whole college thing once the new quarter starts. In like jan. I think. But i'm getting this pell grant thing where they give you like 900 (or something like that) dollars for classes and books and whatever is left over you get to keep. Since i'm only going to be taking as many classes as I HAVE TO i'll have some left over.

To pay my mom back the couple hundred I uh, borrowed, (stolen and forged checks actually, hideous time) and for presents and gas... Def. GAS... Presents for like my kid and my brother and mom and stuff.

As for the whole drugs hurting ur life. I know. My friend, the daddy of my baby, he was drafted to play baseball when he was still in JR HIGH. ( I Forget the team tho.. Some big name team) He tried drugs once, and he was hooked. He could'nt help it. He dropped outa school, lost that chance, and became the druggie he is today.

I know that drugs are bad, and can be bad... But not ALL the time.. I stilll believe that. Even though I will never do them again. I can't just turn my back on people I know how do them, bcuz I know how addicting it is, and how hard it is. But ur still a real person.

(PS. My actualy name is Roze if you wanna stop calling me angel. Lol unless you like refering to me as angel then it's all good. Just letting you know.)

THE HOUSTON ASTROS. Don't ever forget that name again, ANGEL!

Lol ok.. I'll work on that..