A star once exploded inside my head From the inside out it blew up my brain And though then I was supposed to be dead After a few weeks I woke up again To be not what I was but this instead And this instead has been all right with me
The consequences of resurrection Are functionally like insanity And include a craving for perfection Having tasted it however briefly Which to me would seem better than never Because it gave me something to reach for But nobody has to wait forever Our days have a number and not one more
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 29, 2008, 3:54 pm
Interior Spacescape
As much appreciated as little understood I am surprised to be cared about But what I care about is caring makes me feel good And forget what I was scared about
Every one of us has a reason to feel alone But to be cared about is to have your reason known (We smile at one another while stupid people shout) I have my reason known now and am always surprised Although alone to have my loneliness realized
Where my loneliness goes the rest will have to follow Although it can only be unique An interior spacescape beautiful but hollow Cared about (surrounded) as we speak
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 26, 2008, 4:09 pm
The Question of Destiny
The answer to the question is out of the question Because it is out of the question the answer grows So if by my saying this I make the suggestion That I do not know it is because nobody knows
I am willing to admit the pieces do not fit Or fit in some way other than the way they appear But I have long since seen this and become used to it And the jumble of it all is the place we call here
The question to the answer is the answer at last And so on in a dialectic which never ends Between the answer and the question present and past And the tumble of it all is the time we call now
I would rather share questions than answers with my friends Because none of us knows any answers anyway Although not sure of anything we get by somehow And the here and the now which we share we call today
I feel less confused here than I might some other place Nobody here pretends to know anything at all It is something like heaven (or whatever you call It) here where the question meets the answer face-to-face
I do not know because nobody knows And not knowing has never bothered me But out of the question the answer grows To answer the question of destiny
Through the flood and through the fire Through the deluge and the flame Drown the guilt and burn the blame Leaving only pure desire
Source and sense and suffering Ego mind libido name Talent time and treasure bring To the All in offering
I do not know And neither do you But neither need we go In search of what is true
The question to the answer is the answer at last And so on in a dialectic which never ends Between the answer and the question present and past And the tumble of it all is the time we call now
You are here with me I am there with you This I know is true This is destiny
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 24, 2008, 11:25 am
Egg and Stone
Life is fragile as an egg and hard as a stone But I think with you I can get through it somehow My old friend you and I have always been alone Before we knew the word it meant what we are now
Since to be alone seems to be our destiny And since I always like to be alone with you I wonder would you like to be alone with me Or is that how we are now or have always been Through all of our trials (and what then does this mean)?
Some people just get along better than others Not talking much but by parallel existence As strangers get married and friends become brothers With the point of contact something like persistence
What would we be and what would our existence mean If we missed the point of human propinquity No me-and-you but only empty space between? Alone together sharing the absurdity Of being we are seeing at last what is shown
It is written through the universe everywhere In the star of the sky and the sand of the sea In the fingerprint and in the strand of the hair That we not only are but we are meant to be
Together not whether but when and here we are My old friend you and I have never been alone Here we are together (if only we had known) The space between two human beings is so far But I think you and I can get through it somehow
Life is fragile as an egg and hard as a stone Before we know the word it means what we are now
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 21, 2008, 3:28 pm
Captain Fantastic
I always like to read the comics first And have dessert at any time I please Appreciating life's gifts and graces A little of the best before the worst Enjoying my health despite my disease And through these rose-colored glasses I see This half-empty glass looks half-full to me
No one believes me but soon I will win This race (which while absurd is not so bad) No time like now to be and to begin To do such duty destiny demands As scary as it is as it places The possible in improbable hands Which have not learned the concept of defeat
I want to be Captain Fantastic now The time has come for me to rise and soar And although lacking laurel leaves to be If not the laureate of the elite The Laureate of the Mad anyhow Who has lived a lot to live a lot more And to bring smiles to serious faces
The spacetime fabric stretches elastic So that an old dog might yet have his day As Laureate of the Mad anyway
Look out world: here comes Captain Fantastic
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 19, 2008, 3:06 pm
Keep on Dreaming
If you ask me to explain life to you I suppose you might be disappointed To find I left my explaining behind When I looked for an explanation too But found mine fragmented and disjointed Since each who would explain had lost his mind
Then is when I realized how few knew That what is worth knowing cannot be taught What cannot be taught can only be learned And what is worth having cannot be bought What cannot be bought can only be earned
Dreams live to be lived so that ours may be Illuminated lives where dreamers see Circles above us reflected below Where we catch what we might never pursue But has pursued us here for all we know
Dreams are what create us as they come true After giving us nightmares for so long Becoming the essence of who we are Having not killed us they have made us strong Enough anyway to have come this far So keep on dreaming whatever you do
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 18, 2008, 7:36 pm
Lucky
Actions have consequences some have learned For better or worse in this universe Having played with fire having gotten burned Things change for the better then for the worse But the best things stay still steady and small And to be forgiven is best of all
In order to ever learn anything We have to make a series of mistakes And put up with a certain suffering But almost everyone has what it takes To be able to hit bottom and bounce Or get some help by the eighth of an ounce
Some play with fire and yet seldom get burned And one of these lucky ones might be me Nor am I certain if I ever learned Anything anytime actually My life has been a series of mistakes Preserved by a series of lucky breaks
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 17, 2008, 6:49 pm
Start at the End
I start at the end of my beginning Surprised to see it come for me so soon But past losing now I could start winning Even as I wax to a waning moon Awakening on the road not taken Because the road from which none may return
Since I have always been a late bloomer Here at the end of beginning I see How a seed of truth gave root to rumor Then grew up to be this reality Which is not real but is absurd humor
I try to enjoy my absurdity And having begun to end know I won A present which my past would not allow Such good as I have done is not undone But spreads throughout the universe to you
What has been done and has been one with me Survives only up to the point of true Whichever end of beginning might be End is beginning whatever I do Presenting me the sharpened edge of now
And the lotus unfolds aright somehow Preventing me from ruining it all By taking it all too seriously As a shrouded speck on a clouded ball Which despite its depression keeps spinning
Despite this digression I am winning Whatever it is I win at this game If not a good number then a good name Some of us take a good shaking to learn As I was shaken so I awaken To start at the end of my beginning
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 16, 2008, 7:08 pm
Grandma
I carry in my heart a little light A diamond in a secret pocket there A tiny star to follow through the night Kept close and carried with me everywhere
And this is my Grandma actually A spark in the dark she left here for me
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 14, 2008, 5:07 pm
Franziska's Song: The Return
Your skin is copper and your heart is gold Your soul is priceless so that it is free To belong to God and not be for sale As you shine and share it sumptuously
Your eyes are like a tiger's and as bold I feel them as they penetrate and see Like probing unknown tongues of primal flame To burn me back to where I want to be
The young learn from yet also teach the old When love returns (if by another name) And the most surprising thing I have learned Is (with all my heart): I want you with me
A tiger looked at me and I got burned As if I had been branded in the heart Or was it your heart (since we feel the same)? Let the fire fall free: let the magic start
A lion in winter now roaring once more A circle completing below as above An after which proves to be more than before The return (if by another name) of love
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 12, 2008, 4:12 pm
A Call to Revolution
All over the world the children learn to hate By traditional means unspoken and still As part of the rest of the rust of their fate Then some seem surprised when they grow up to kill
The children are only following orders Like their parents did and their grandchildren will Each generation gives blood for the borders Since that is how they have been posted and drawn In the dirt with the blood of the human race
Until the madmen in their maprooms have gone To wherever the madmen of maprooms go Children will be trained to be ground in the mill To keep the blood fresh so the borders will show
That blood in that dirt once wore a human face But the brain behind that face would never know The answer or even what question to ask Their blood was required to draw lines in the sand Unspoken and still they were bred for the task
So they never had a chance to understand The machinations of the maproom madmen Only that the time had come to bleed once more Fellow humans are you not weary of war?
It will end when we end it by saying when Too much is enough and by asking what for And why they need our blood to mark the border Keep our blood in and let our souls out to soar Past maproom madmen to a higher order
No license to kill no license to steal No license to grind our children away The madmen in the maproom are not real But ghosts to scatter by the light of day
In our evolution we found revolution If once did not suffice then we must do it twice
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 11, 2008, 3:36 pm
Falling Stars Mistaken for Landing Airliners
I feel like I am utterly at sea And that I might go down now with my ship If you have any idea what to do Some notion of what might become of me Then I will shut up and listen to you But until then I might very well scream
Smothered to sleep unable to waken From nightmares of an American dream I believe in though my faith is shaken By post-traumatic stress of yesterday Links in the chain of the past forged to last Still stressful and still traumatic today Connecting with new and holding me fast
I have to slip away before I slip Beneath the sea of consciousness and go Into the quiet embrace of the dark Where no one will wake and no one will know (I would not go quietly even so)
Though it is not often that dreams come true It has happened to me and might again Even when the dream seems to be taken Even when there seems no end to the pain (I am the tinder and you are the spark)
I hope to arise when I awaken Sadder but wiser if worse for the wear And tattooed with a bloody heart-shaped stain Having learned the hard way how much I care After this madness to find myself sane
But when I awaken will you be there? I believe you will be as you have been Because you have always understood how I feel and have always known what I mean Always and ever (never more than now)
Down here where falling stars are mistaken For landing airliners out at John Wayne New houses and new people look the same While at our old house some want us to lose But they are just jealous and not to blame Since they know that we know that was no plane We see what we saw and saw what we see
I am a falling star and you are too Fortune dealt me this hand and I refuse To play for less than the ultimate game One you and I together now can win The clock ticks louder then strikes to begin To deal where only two players remain
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 10, 2008, 7:01 am
Just So
Though the day grows long and late This unique ubiquity Calling us together here Personal propinquity Stretching out from far to near "Diesen Kuss der ganzen Welt" Human solidarity Always (if not always felt)
This is what I celebrate Even though I know we go To where we have never been Sooner than we ever know When the cycle turns again Cloud above and smoke below The fog of the world between
Time is neither fast nor slow Time is only now Overlapping you and me As now will allow All its pleasure all its pain Felt (not knowing how) In this moment of this day
Never mind the past Forward is the only way (There is no reverse) Never mind what others say (Theirs was even worse) Now is neither slow nor fast But the universe Just the way it is: just so
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 6, 2008, 7:18 pm
Wake Up and Scream
We speak of secret weapons yet secrets themselves Carried close to the breast are both simplest and best As the most potent weapons life has on its shelves If you can keep secrets you can keep all the rest
My father was the one who kept the secrets and Kept them better than anybody I have known As casual as the gun beneath his pillow As much a part of him as the gun in his hand He traded for a silent deathbed all alone And (although I do not want to) I understand
He left this world knowing things are not as they seem Because of people like him and of what they do Which must have seemed still stranger to him than to me As well as his last wife (the one I never knew) When after his silence and the thought of it he Died with his nightmares as I was trying to dream
Knowing only shadows of the secrets he knew Some stories of former lives from some former wives (Although not from my mother who would never say One way or the other since she was my mother) I remain secretly proud of his derring-do His swash of the buckle and all that sort of thing From a gun for hire to the keeper of a king
If they wanted it done my father was the one To pull the trigger or make bad things happen but Then he turns out to have this poet for a son Although I was a secret and nobody knew Except for him except for me one life for two
Looking back I can see how his friends kept an eye On my result of his youthful indiscretion Dark men in dark clothing at dark hours of the night Presents of his absence to watch (no matter what) The son of an oak grow up to be a willow
Alone as he was on the knife of madness I Can see how he was wrong now yet how he was right But I wish he had told me life would be this way His love was denial as mine is confession My father is a secret his son cannot keep
Still waters run red and deadly as well as deep His nightmares are mine now as I wake up and scream
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
May 3, 2008, 5:54 pm
Human Being
Muscle into metal flesh into plastic The fading of feeling to twilight of touch We were so much happier when we were weak But they tell us happiness is for the strong The past would prefer that the future be bleak
So they lie to us though they know they are wrong And gears grind our hearts down until life is such Heaviness the disappointment so drastic It becomes nothing less nor more than too much To bear anymore before we have to speak
If only to recall how it felt once to Forget about hoping and simply to be Forget about trying and simply to do Forget about pleasing them and pleasing me Yet never to forget remembering you
I exist within my imagination Imagining myself into existence A shadow reflecting on its creation As a web of perspectives held in suspense A contradiction called a human being
In defiance of the mechanization Of our once-celebrated fragility And a past which prefers the future delay Or else never come at all but if it does Tomorrow is expected as yesterday
They say we cannot remember how it was But only the way we imagine it now We can only see in the present because This is our human being way of seeing We have eyes but for what our eyes will allow
I have seen enough to know I want to see A little peace and quiet here at the last Not of the rocking chair but of the rocking Of the womb of life itself and not too fast So I can hear such wonders as come knocking
The future comes looking a lot like the past Without of course coming because it does not There is no escape from this moment somehow Except to no longer exist but that way Is closed to me down a dark road I forgot
Blinded for now to momentary seeing I see all I have is this humanity Which frustrates those who would control by freeing The soul increasingly until it is free A contradiction called a human being
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 30, 2008, 5:27 pm
Up in the Trunks of Elephants
Smuggled up in the trunks of elephants And over the smoky mountains far away Then all the way to me: I tried it once And decided to try again every day
I enjoy a coffee in the morning (Unless I hear of a new cancer warning Of course) and keep a constant pot of tea
But what has helped most in times of trouble Is the universal herbal remedy Prescribed and administered respectfully
Medical marijuana: a constant pot Blooming beautiful buds of the cannabis kind To adjust attitudes altitudinally
It keeps me from going out of my mind Releasing what I forgot to memory While expanding my consciousness to double Whatever it was before I forgot
Snuggled up in the trunks of elephants Where mother ganja rocks me to be free
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 28, 2008, 7:13 am
Could it Be?
Here I am and there you are Alone as we can be
Each beneath a far blue star In the solitariness Of the arbitrariness
The extraordinariness Of our separation here Together you and me
Across the darkened universe Sad eyes opening start to see A stitch in the fabric of time Where as in poems people rhyme
Do you believe in magic?
It is far but it could be far worse In the starlight of a night so clear
And I believe in magic
Could your star and mine be the same? Could what we think is far be near? Could here be there and there be here?
Could it be?
Reach out your hand with all your heart Believe we are neither to blame And I will too
Two beneath one far blue star Together you and me There I am and here you are Waiting for the magic to start
Of loving you
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 27, 2008, 1:35 am
Robert Frost and Me (Like a Chimpanzee)
"Diabolically intelligent" Is how I read my cousin Robert Frost Was and how he looked like a chimpanzee In his great age (one thing by two things meant) Mortal yet meant for immortality
I would buy my cousin's books if they cost Less but can get them from the library "Diabolically intelligent" Sounds a wonderful way to me to be (Even if he looked like a chimpanzee)
If younger cousin still an older guy But lovely ladies love my poetry And this has always been enough for me
I am celibate not quite knowing why Which seems more mere habit than anything Holding me back from having one last fling
Yet I wonder if Aristotle flung Or old Homer having sung ever swung: What of the love-life of the man of mind?
I want to come to life before it goes Like Yeats I bloom within my heart a rose But roses like hearts must be left behind
The one thing I can take will be this soul When I must return (as we all must learn) My piece out of the puzzle of the whole
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 25, 2008, 8:46 pm
Mirrors
They live in glass houses: mirrors for eyes An entirely different breed of cat Always supposing themselves to be right My meetings with them have suggested that If they could they would wear boots to their thighs And quite possibly have it in for me
All these years I have stayed out of trouble By staying in with my portion double To the kind of trouble mirrored eyes see More for the doctor than the officer Not worn outside but treasured inwardly Though probably neither would understand
Mirrors and I agree to disagree About troubles which are but never were
I live in a dark place: shadows for eyes An entirely different breed of cat It feels like where I am is always night Your meetings with me have suggested that If you would I could help you realize There are many forms of reality
All these years I have wondered about things Jumped in with both feet to find for myself Places where the bird of paradise sings Observed in the wild not stuffed on some shelf To hold the important things by the hand Treasures of the heart for eternity
Mirrors and we agree to disagree About triumphs which are and always were
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 23, 2008, 9:55 pm
Confluence
These are the moments when our two lives touch Like the confluence of underground streams Little things which in the end mean as much As big things because these things are our dreams These are the moments of life lived as such
Without the mirror of another soul Reflecting the me another can see My perspective is only half the whole And lacking in complementarity To be my brother's keeper is my role
We reflect each other but we are two The better to see another can be The best thing for whatever might ail you As you are for whatever might ail me We dream and think and talk but then we do
With a friend like you can I get through this And come out laughing on the other side? Just make the pain stop never mind the bliss Or other blessings we have been denied (When I pull the trigger I never miss)
The moments of life must be lived as such Bright rainbow-falls fed by underground streams Little things which in the end mean as much As big things because these things are our dreams These are the moments when our two lives touch
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 22, 2008, 10:53 pm
Heaven Knows
for Stephanie
So hard to believe but heaven knows we try Since faith is a gift and few are so gifted Such a rush to get it done before we die The tide goes out before our boats get lifted And so we are left to wait here high and dry Sitting in the sand to watch the seagulls soar
They say the tide might turn in a tidal wave And break our boats like it broke our hearts before We stay by our boats not because we are brave But because these are all we have and no more
And we always seem to feel so far from where It seems possible to have a soul to save From where we thought we ought to be while right there Before us the angels adore us as we Who try to make the best of a thing not fair Surprise each other to feel like family
Not based on baked potatoes but earth and air Not on life insurance but water and fire The universe belongs to us if we care To embrace it as the heart of our desire
We let go to get the desire of our heart Nothing more nor less than pleasant company Forget the real and let reality start Close our eyes and dream we are able to see Stop rushing and learn to live before we die So hard to believe but heaven knows we try
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 21, 2008, 4:36 pm
Bad Hair Day?
Let the wind arrange my hair how it should be If tousling is required by a universe Which knows best (in any case better than me)
Poets look better when the weather is worse Like Robert Frost when he read for Kennedy Like Longfellow out at midnight all day long Tousled in his mural at the library (Or of course like Whitman any time at all) Some wind through the hair makes a poet look... strong
The wind of the spirit the breath of the heart The rising and then the falling of the breath Signals to the drums for the parade to start So the marching band can march to life from death
Shining Sousaphones now stand at attention To strike up sudden and subterranean Ready to root rainbows from bottom to top Like a geyser or inverted waterfall With colors too bright and many to mention Except to recall them again and again
I feel the wind and never want it to stop If tousling is required by the universe Poets look better when the weather is worse
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 19, 2008, 10:17 pm
Imagining the Unimaginable In
I have seen the unimaginable begin To seem imaginable and something like glad To help me unimagine what I imagine Imagining the unimaginable in
What is unimaginable need not be bad Perhaps a family friend as familiar guest Not invited nor welcomed but nonetheless here Before my face in any case ready or not
I can imagine some parts and forget the rest But I will always recall the absurdity Of madness as the reason for no-matter-what And for the madness done no-matter-what to me (How to have been used is how to have been abused)
If the curtain must fall I remember its rise The first and last become one in the memory I wonder if anyone can see in my eyes That I have seen the unimaginable now
I will imagine muddling through the day once more I think I can make it but could not tell you how I will keep imagining until I can soar My fall my rise the birth of hope the death of fear
An unimagined figure waits and holds the door To a dark hallway leading down to dark-knows-where (This is the adventure everyone else refused) He smiles at me a little as I enter there Because he knows this game is one I have to win
Imagining the unimaginable in I have seen the unimaginable begin
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 18, 2008, 6:14 pm
You
Matters of imagination matter The matter of dreams is what matters most As at the end when certainties shatter The body gives up life to free the ghost
I will not believe in reality As some do and say I ought to believe It may look real to them but not to me My soul knows even when my eyes deceive
They ask each other how they are and say No matter how it hurts that they are fine They question their answers then turn away Before their lines and leashes intertwine Screaming inside they chirp have-a-nice-day
Some things are real past our ability To understand them or to bear their weight And these are those things which could only be Only as they are as the points of fate
We go through the motions and do the best We can though it is not enough we know Praying we will not be brought to the test Finding the test brought to us even so
And what about us now at last my friend Here at the crossroads of the universe?
If not my imagination the end Of reality for better or worse Here at the end where certainties shatter Is as good a time as any is to Admit the matter of my dreams is you
Matters of imagination matter You ask me do you matter: yes you do
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Apr 15, 2008, 11:09 pm
And Yes: When Broken Too
Conventional society deserves Its own company: it gets on my nerves
But I avoid it pretty well somehow With nerves preserved and pickled from the pain Of being unconventional all day Some nerve preserved to go against the grain And then (cross-granular and squared away) Some pickled nerve reserved to come again
Experience picked and pickled preserves A sense of perspective and saves the nerves
This back-and-forth dialectic of now Is the wonder of our wandering walk The passage and the process of it all Learning when to listen and when to talk Learning when to listen especially
But I hate to listen to the cocksure Like when proselytizers come to call A convention for which the only cure Is when the cocksure get knocked down like me Here where cocksureness never could endure To be cheek-by-jowl with its destiny
Our hearts will speak someday when they speak to Answer the questions we ask of ourselves Nobody knows these questions like we do And so our hearts answer straight from themselves When spoken to (and yes: when broken too)
