That I mean something to someone Means everything to me But for me to mean something to A person such as you Makes it a joy to live to see My moment in the sun And see it before I am dead
If it goes to my head It only goes as champagne does Or the ganja I toke But it keeps me humble because Before my life goes up in smoke I am able to be Someone to someone: somebody
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 21, 2008, 1:14 am
How it Hurts to Heal
My body is broken and yet I breathe The pain reminds me how it hurts to heal My mind is shattered and yet I believe In what I lived and learned which I bequeath To you in love now that you might receive Me at my uttermost as we reveal The brokenness which makes us who we are (Shyly at first because it hurts so much)
I would be healed if you could be with me Our healing comes through fitting from afar Our jagged edges trembling at the touch Each of the other to combine to be The spark which gives birth to a double star Where nothing lasts except eternity
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 19, 2008, 1:55 am
Be
I want my love to be the means of grace By which you are gifted to spark a smile
I want to be the one to see your face When you come to see life not as a trial But a process of joy in journeying
I want my love to be what you embrace When you realize you are not alone And then I would hope you could embrace me
I want to love you more than anything You have ever seen or have ever known
Eight limbs like branches entwine into one Root into now: the one eternity
Which unlike time may not be measured nor Anticipated cannot be planned for Because the only thing now does is be
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 16, 2008, 4:58 pm
Just a Little Dream Away
for Franziska
I dream of you at night (Of course) but also during the day And though far from my sight You are just a little dream away
Wherever you go here you remain Tucked snug inside my heart To spark my dreams again and again Together though apart
And when you come to me To comfort me in my loneliness You are reality The flesh of my dreams and nothing less Than all of everything The dream and the song the dreamers sing
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 14, 2008, 6:26 pm
Platinum Diamonds on Black Velvet Sky
for Franziska
My chosen one we have begun at last As we have begun enjoying as one Living love here between future and past Two sudden starbursts to flash through the now Platinum diamonds on black velvet sky As farflung as forever might allow
I am free when I am embraced by you To ride time and space like waves of the sea With space for time as much to be as do I know we have always been together Golden goddess eastern promise of sun Just as we are neither when nor whether
My chosen one we have begun somehow And what has begun (may it never end) Insists I be with you no matter what As chosen one as lover as best friend The other half of me which time forgot Now rediscovered to be timelessly Aswirl in the whirlpool of destiny
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 10, 2008, 9:45 pm
When I Awaken
for Franziska
The pain in my side when I awaken At first surprising then remembered for The rib by which my lover was taken The missing part of me which makes me more Asks if pain and pleasure are mistaken For each other in my sojourning here Or if they are in fact one and the same If the always far is the always near And if Franziska might just be her name
My heart is broken but my soul can fly And soar on love over above it all My broken wings bandaged embrace the sky To rise again the autumn of my fall Where lost paradise beckons to believe At last I am ready to love again To share with Franziska pleasure and pain To be with her as Adam to her Eve With love at my side when I awaken
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 8, 2008, 11:00 am
At Present
The past does not exist and memory Is reconstructive as we come to see That what is supposed to come never does When how it should be should be how it was And how it could be would be just because The past does not exist but memory Reconstructs how it was supposedly
I see the future but choose to believe It must not exist and my eyes deceive My mind into thinking of what is not Of what might have happened that I forgot Because it simply has not happened yet
So I will just stay where I am right now At present in the best place to forget To remember if I remembered how If to remember reconstructively And if you remember I hope that you Remember too because I know I do Though it be only how it was for me
We can only remember how it seems But what are memories if not our dreams?
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 6, 2008, 3:07 am
Pink Pets and Pills
That distinctive Pink Pet eraser smell The flag halfway down when Kennedy died That instinctive rush at the final bell When insiders finally got outside To find the world spun out of our control A sense of unease and not feeling well But going through the motions anyway While asking hard questions about the soul: If ours could speak what should it have to say Of life thought as heaven but felt as hell?
I grew up under duck-and-cover drills And the influence of Ritalin pills
I suppose it was propaganda when They taught us as they did tendentiously I felt it if did not quite know it then And it sounded good about being free But there is no national holiday For me then or now here or anywhere And if God knows I wonder does he care Or even if there could be somebody Who might prefer not that I leave but stay And if I do I wish I knew how to
Here at the threshold of my age I wait To approach the moment I meet my fate
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 2, 2008, 6:15 pm
Fall
Looking up into this green of these trees And watching green turn red and yellow now I am happy to be on days like these No matter why and no matter why not
And I will do what I have to somehow To remember all those things I forgot From a long time ago I ought to know But I always thought I knew better then
I will remember them all someday when The time is right for looking back ahead Watching green turn red and yellow then dead Like things I know from a long time ago Watching dead turn yellow and red then green Those who have fallen will know what I mean
Fall is the motion of dying season But is only spring in another light The heartbeat of life itself the reason Birth and death dance: to keep the balance right
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Oct 1, 2008, 12:33 am
A Lot Like Being Born
Death seems a lot like being born to me To stand on this side of the veil withdrawn From the birth canal of mortality By the banks of dusk to embrace the dawn Of what an unknown day might hold in store Or an unknown night like this only more
Either way it seems a passage through pain When we leave or stay as we come and go After it happens no one can explain The second time and the first time we know What all of us do twice each in our way At dusk as at dawn as night follows day
I stand on this side of the veil withdrawn From the birth canal of mortality By the banks of dusk I embrace the dawn Of what an unknown day might hold in store On an unknown night like this even more Death seems a lot like being born to me
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 29, 2008, 5:44 pm
E is for Empathy
Empathy is something I believe in: Nothing feels better than to receive in Giving by living mindfully in touch The love we need to give and take so much
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 25, 2008, 5:39 pm
The Other
Struggling with my sanity I have to wait Distracted by these deep waters below me For the outcome of an internal debate As to might I know God or might God know me
Yet cannot help but perceive and yes believe That there is something other in the dark there And the other is none other than me where The line disappears between give and receive
Because this is the highway nobody knows This byway I travel wherever it goes Into the unknown and always alone except For the other who knows where the secrets are kept
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 23, 2008, 6:09 pm
To the One I Love
No one has ever understood me but For you the exception no matter what Which proves the rule that I would be a fool Not to love you all these years as I do
All I ever wanted I find in you But where do I find you when you are gone When you are as far away as a star And not our eastern visitor at dawn?
I feel inside of me and there you are As enigmatic as ever and yet No one has ever understood me but For you the exception no matter what
Which proves the rule if only by regret Our eastern visitor knows what I mean Who visits me here in my loneliness Departing westward with what might have been
And a sunset here is a sunrise there Tomorrow is already yesterday But now is the sunrise of everywhere What you give me no one can take away
So I give you myself and nothing less You have already done the same for me And would a thousand times just as I would If not this then what is reality?
I feel the real in you and it feels good
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 22, 2008, 12:09 pm
These Steps of My Own
My eyes are still good enough I can see That the lotus unfolds if not for me Then some other brother of history And if it unfolds for him then it must For me before it enfolds me in dust To embrace the ultimate mystery
There are things I feel like I need to know Like the holiness of humility And how meaning is found in mindfulness Forgetting goes fast as learning comes slow And it all comes out in the wash I guess But I want to be within deity I would like to go with God as I go Keep my eyes open and see what I see
Religion has disappointed my heart I like what it says but not what it does It seems to have forgotten about God And if I were part of something which part? An uneven part left out with the odd Yet I am still out here waiting around As disappointed as all of us are
But I tread a path wise wanderers trod Whose steps combine to make this holy ground With these steps of my own beneath this star As far away now as it ever was
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 17, 2008, 8:27 pm
Like Living Until
How I will die and if it will mean much That I once lived or at least what once seemed Like living until the curtain was torn Need not apply since life has still been such A lot more than I had hoped or had dreamed
If only the hopes of a martyr born To live the nightmares about which they warn Of genius as of insanity too A couple of shady characters those With both of them no telling what to do The thorn as remarkable as the rose And in the event the two are the same The heavens part with only God to blame For a dance with fate which neither one chose
But now the heavens want to part with me And veil the veil withdrawn again in shame So I am glad to share the earth with you A lot more than I had hoped or had dreamed Like living until the curtain was torn
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 16, 2008, 7:27 pm
One Bright Star
God: what does it mean and how can it be That when I hear your voice you sound like me?
This cause has had the effect that I find Myself remapping the map of my mind Where you have been misunderstood so long Your words confused and my syllables wrong
But when you sound like me how can I know?
If not today then maybe tomorrow When I remember who you really are
You are me as I am you: one bright star
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 13, 2008, 8:22 pm
Not for Me
If a link in the chain should break may it not be me
Not for me the disappointment of the family Not for me to be the one on whom the house must fall
I am the embodiment of my family now Because I am all that is left of it after all And there is a limit to what my time will allow Although I have very seldom felt limited to Anything except myself no matter what I do
Whatever I do now has to be both for the chain And for contemplation of "to thine own self be true"
If I lose hope now I may never find it again
Mindful of it all as I am mindful of how small My life is knowing this is the only life I know As short as it is and as difficult as it was
While still small and short it is better lived mindfully Which is not to analyze but simply see the cause Of the effect and to reject the heedlessness of Hurrying this small short span without seeing how love Forged these links of family and adds them as we grow
Not for me the disappointment of the family Not for me to be the one on whom the house must fall
If a link in the chain should break may it not be me
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 10, 2008, 10:50 am
See
Some say we have a third eye by which we May see the things we may not see because We are looking less for mind than matter Which would not matter if we could not mind Two for the former one for the latter Which eyes though without seeking always find Matter over mind to fit and flatter Addressing less before and more behind Finding that behind has gotten fatter
Some are still searching for a promised land As if it could be found if it could be And though I too have searched I understand That my promised land is inside of me As it has always been yet never was It is only present in the present And not in what the doer did but does Matters of mind are not always pleasant But my third eye is open as my hand
Open your eyes and tell me what you see With two eyes I am blind but not with three
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 4, 2008, 8:39 pm
In the House of the Dead
My only limitations are the ones I place As impediments myself artificially In an arbitrary contravention of grace
I know no one can limit me except for me The soul which sees through these eyes animates this face Only as effectively as I dare to be
I care enough to dare to be effective when I live to die a blooming fruiting seeding flower And anyone like me who doubts should see me then
Unfettered by convention I rise past my hour When those with faith no more have crucified themselves To join their ancestors on mausoleum shelves
In the house of the dead I lift my left hand Turning ever eastward and returning still Not needing nor expecting to understand
I expect if I need to understand I will
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Sep 1, 2008, 1:05 pm
Someday When You Remember
goodbye and hello
I remember you from before we met Near November across from April or December on a distant shore and yet
Both future and past form connections here Where here can only be descibed as now Which cannot be described while happening
But not knowing why at least I know how Two parted make one part of everything A sum of which one part might be regret
I might see you again some other year Older and wiser or else maybe not But one thing we do not do is forget
And if out of pride we say we forgot Then you will know to come back when you go To warm the here of now till it gets hot
When you are ready then we both will know That we were well worth waiting for daresay Remember me then when you go away
Because you might not see me anymore But in the gallery of memory I hope you find what you were looking for
Someday when you remember it was me
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Aug 31, 2008, 3:49 am
Parallel
for my friend Tiffany Bridgman
We are alone but alone together Suns of our parallel solar systems Seeing each other as though through a glass But seeing each other nevertheless Regarding each other respectfully Where wariness is taken for respect Since nobody ever knew what that meant
We are alone but we wonder whether While our flowers fade as we clutch their stems And stand on parallel peaks with a pass Between us we have learned is bottomless To reach across this space of you and me Where we are not suns but only reflect As moons do a light both borrowed and lent
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Aug 28, 2008, 1:09 pm
Admitting It
for you-know-who-you-are
Whoever I am whoever you are Whatever we might have been supposed to (Or expected to) be in any case I think I have already gone too far To find my way back now successfully Back to whatever imagined safe place I might have known before you looked for me Maybe my place after all is with you
Some say there are no accidents and they Keep having their accidents anyway But it never felt accidental when You sought me and found me in spite of my Resistance although it was futile then And even after admitting it I Kept looking for better ways to deny I love you in spite of myself:
I do Love you
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Aug 27, 2008, 5:19 pm
Perspective
If I ever have any enemies Or if there ever might be any fuss It will all be the fault of things like these Stupid little things which come between us
And I mean all of us people as we Fail to communicate day in and out Hurting each other spontaneously Losing the light to the shadow of doubt
So it is and was and will always be I know it better than I hope I do The best friend becomes the worst enemy I never want this to happen to you
It makes me wonder about having friends Or having them keeping them anyway When love twists itself into hate and ends But night forgives the trespasses of day
As when we die we remember it all The love the hate the enemies the friends And things which seemed so big once seem so small When everything and everybody ends
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Aug 26, 2008, 11:03 am
My Magical Life
I want to take my life in a new direction And for that I am going to need to be alone So I hope no one will take this as rejection But now the time has come for me to be on my own And if you would like to understand me What you should know is I have to be free
Is it really possible to love another? Does otherness clarify? Is it terrifying? I have just survived someone's attempt to smother My specificity between living and dying Which if you would like to understand how Important that is try to find me now
I have withdrawn to emerge as a butterfly And when I do I will only reveal myself to Those willing to respect my need to soar the sky Unhindered by what those earthbound caterpillars do Who never understood and never will My magical life is magical still
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVIII
Aug 24, 2008, 6:27 pm
Say Good Night Little Hitler
I lift my voice now in a song of stubbornness I can do nothing more strong than to be myself
All of the words in all of the books on my shelf Books which I have written and which may curse or bless Now join into one mighty word which I will say Today and tomorrow and every single day With which I have the privilege of having been Entrusted as (disgusted) I prepare to rise With no in my mouth and yet with yes in my eyes
You have hurt me once but will not hurt me once more As anyone who has hurt me knows what I mean
I break free of you now as I should have before And did not because of something like sympathy But you never had any sympathy for me
Say good night little Hitler: you are no one now
Your nightmare is over so your morning must break But to hell with you and I would do well somehow To forget about you and your little mistake
