I recall a beautiful carousel Gold leaf on porcelain of white and blue I rode it to heaven rode it to hell Never got there never got anywhere None of my carousel wishes came true But that was my fault because I lacked faith
I wonder if I were to ride with you If it would not end as it does in death Maybe it would take off like a rocket Aboard which to explore the universe I still have two tickets in my pocket And if we die at least we have lived worse
It beckons to me with music and lights Like nothing you have ever heard nor seen With enchanted days and magical nights All of the memories which never were Of all of the wonders which might have been All of those dreams which they always defer
Come take me to heaven take me to hell Oh beautiful terrible carousel
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 7, 2006, 4:58 am
What the Sunset Told Me
Now as the fools fall from the weight Of fearful folly to the fate Of all the arrogant their days End now as their kind end always And ever for they can never Grow at all since they know it all
Or so they think here at the brink Of final destruction and fall
Sadly we slowly turn away And wonder if a better day Could rise with the sun tomorrow If we too could rise from sorrow
No one left but us to love us Nothing left to say but hold me Nothing left but sky above us This is what the sunset told me
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 6, 2006, 5:42 pm
Lesson Unlearned
It is an observable phenomenon That those who are down tend to get shat upon
Why do we do this to each other? Just when We need each other most it is always then Someone decides to take advantage of our Incapacity and gain some petty power At our great expense when we have least defense A failure of sensitivity and sense
For when the ones who wound find the tables turned They just might get burned ...by their lesson unlearned
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 5, 2006, 10:24 pm
The Wind the Avocado Tree and Me
Late avocados in January Shaken down by desert winds untimely Shining the sparkling stars to the very Diamonds of heaven they seem to be
I watch the old tree breathing with the wind It knows life is a dance and not a race Obeying the laws no man can rescind Showing there is more to life than we see Dancing with grace in the timeless embrace Of simple natural reality
I join the dance with the wind in my face Unending unbegun where all is one We children of the universe we three The wind the avocado tree and me
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 4, 2006, 11:11 pm
Mens Sana in Corpore Sano
When I do a hundred situps or two I feel a bright spark of hope burning through When depressed or distressed I seek that burn Of exercise so that my mind can learn The truth a disciplined body can teach Mens sana in corpore sano: each Part of the person contributes in kind A sound body enables a sound mind
Out of all my trials I realize That my best medicine is exercise
Even though I may never be wealthy My abdominal muscles are healthy Hard abs are honest-earned and I have learned That by exercising and being kind In a tough-love kind of way every day To my body I can enrich my mind It makes me feel like writing poetry When I do a hundred situps or three
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 3, 2006, 2:27 pm
Spam I Am: The Lady Seemed Nice on the Phone
As I wait for snail mail To find out how I fail In society's way To measure up today I am just hoping that Social Security Takes the answer of a social cancer like me And will then leave me alone To just be this little-known And mentally-disabled poet which I am Emailing myself to those who think I am spam
People delete what they cannot eat Having consumed me now they excrete But the lady seemed nice on the phone Consumption: excretion Assumption: deletion In reality things look bleak for me I am a homeless man in a house I have a cat but I am the mouse Yet what do I know of reality? And the lady seemed nice on the phone
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 2, 2006, 11:06 pm
Wanderer
Why do I go to the trouble to write Perfectionistic poetry at night When people who are paired-off are asleep To navigate these waters dark and deep Riding this tide and drifting like these clouds Which float objectively above the crowds Of those who are more fortunate than me?
With no one to be with no place to be I am a solitary wanderer Going places where no one ever goes Some of which are some of which never were
And where I might end up nobody knows
I like it this way so I leave the day To walk in darkness and leave you the light I find poetry in the dark you see I travel light in the dark you might say
Those who have nothing are those who are free
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 2, 2006, 12:38 am
The Joining of Hands
With the future out of sight But at peace with the past The present time seems the right Time to live peace at last
I need nobody But nobody needs me I write and study And live simplicity
Everybody yearns To have or have not Yet nobody learns That it will all rot Till it gets too late In a wink of fate
Without saying a word The heart understands In its silence is heard The joining of hands
Where without a word spoken Love speaks eloquently There truth endures unbroken Alive in you and me
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 1, 2006, 6:52 am
Here at the Turn of Time
When things go well my poetry gets smug And things don't really go well anyway Only a stupid illusion if snug
To get through another meaningless day
So as I fall into the grave I've dug I'll say what I mean and mean what I say Here at the turn of time in honest rhyme
They teach young poets to write what they know
I don't know anything but suffering But what I know is that it makes me grow I'll take my suffering any old time
Here at the turn of time my oldest friend
Which hurts me yet which never deserts me The only friend I have I can depend On as this carousel spins madly on
Faster and faster until I am gone
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Jan 1, 2006, 4:00 am
Time to Scream Happy New Year
Alone with the crowd I see The frozen brittleness of Our surging society Spasming through motions of love Screaming aloud silently Like painted puppets we dance Animated by steel strings Bound and gagged by time and chance
Beautiful bright broken things Alone with the crowd to be Alone together at least Dance this dance of death with me Starving to death at our feast Of booming banality But it doesn't hurt at all Doesn't matter anyway
Dancing on thin ice looks nice Icicle fragility Nobody escapes the ball Everybody dies someday Isn't that why we are here? Now the ball will fall away Pretty smiles freeze hard in fear Hold my hand I understand
Welcome to the end my friend Time to scream Happy New Year
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVI
Dec 31, 2005, 4:28 am
On My Birthday
31 December 2005
I am thankful for this life given unto me All its ups and downs along the way For the privilege of serving through poetry
As I mark yet another birthday
I realize just how fortunate I have been Grateful I had the good sense to stay So as not to miss all the wonders I have seen
Nor would I go back and change it because It was supposed to be the way it was
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 28, 2005, 5:55 pm
To Encourage a Fellow Poet
When words are apropos and apposite When they aptly speak the voice of your heart Why do they elicit an opposite Response in those you thought had eyes to see And instead of how you thought it would be They reject those words and rip them apart?
The cause is that old curse of jealousy
The lower nature of man far from dead Still slithers along to rear up its head Proudly criticizing loudly when we Begin to speak truth in our poetry When we find our voice when we make that choice To stop pandering start to speak our mind When poetry leaves the petty behind
They try to hold you down then as you rise
But they will be in for a big surprise In a while when you through substance and style To open their tightly-closed minds and eyes Make all their jealous heads spin with a smile Do what you are here for! Knock at their door Then break through it: I know you can do it
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 27, 2005, 3:47 am
Riding the Riddle
Rhyme is not a prison but a puzzle Not to confine but refine and define Not for the weak but that by which we speak As by megaphone and not by muzzle Meaningful pattern turns in the right hands Water of prose into poetry's wine
Yet rare is the poet who understands The true gravity of this alchemy Heard in the silence and seen in the dark Squaring the circle the taming of time As practiced by madmen bearing this mark Riding the riddle and gaming the rhyme
Poetry chooses some few for its will Never loses nor refuses its thrill To those who dare to answer it like me We who claim the call then inherit all Of poetry returning what it gave Changed and exchanged saved by that which we save
Enslaved by poetry to be made free As part of everything even if small
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 26, 2005, 4:23 am
Two Hearts Will Understand
For all the wrong words which wound and lay waste A poem is an act of redemption For all the things said heedlessly in haste A chance to say it right an exemption An opportunity to speak to light Cosmos out of the chaos of the night
Wherein we say in our most perfect way Considered reconsidered thought about That which we wish we had said yesterday And though a little late the truth comes out Clarified rarified into our best Hoping that others will forget the rest All the imperfections of life and speech
Since we never know the right thing to say Till after the moment after the test A poem is a letter in which each Word has been chosen with the utmost care We can only hope someone will be there To read the words we meant in the first place
So go on and write a poem for me Say things you could never say to my face Two hearts will understand ...and destiny
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 24, 2005, 5:17 pm
The Silent Singing
Echo of a winter night When creation listened And the daystar gleaming bright Like a diamond glistened
From beyond the starlit sky Comes the silent singing Soundless echo from on high Through the ages ringing
Once aloud in silent field Shepherds heard those voices Still in silent hearts revealed Still the night rejoices
From beyond the starlit sky Comes the silent singing Soundless song to never die Endless ages ringing
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 23, 2005, 6:03 pm
Kept Reality
You say reality is true Yet never bother to explain What true means and even should you Stoop to speak of it still disdain To answer questions if you do
Since you refuse to face again That true reality which grew There in the dark you always knew Would never ever go away
But throbbing closeted all night Coils cocked to rock your world someday Once it escapes out into light When reality brings you to This closet where you keep your fears
Where you have kept me all these years
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 23, 2005, 1:22 am
Of Nietzsche God and Mermaids
Nietzsche is dead yet God persists The lonesome town is falling down The aching heart remains resists Unsinkable and will not drown Despite the cold steel efforts of The cabal of conformity To suck originality From what we are and what we love
The shaking of their angry fists Seems impotent in retrospect If these damned fools are the elect Who mark us down in little lists Then dig up Nietzsche and ask him What we should do in times like these Descending with the cherubim Into triumphant vanities
They do not speak for God to me I swim with mermaids and caress Their shining skin and feel God bless Us in the sea since on the land The Hitlers of hypocrisy Who never say thank you nor please But only hate and make a mess Would not could never understand
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 22, 2005, 6:20 am
Christmas in The OC
Orange County, California, USA
Eighty degrees for Christmas and not a cloud in the sky The surf is fantastic and I have some plastic which I Intend to spend on gift cards at Starbucks this afternoon
The government reads my emails but I still have the moon They tap into my telephone but I am not alone If they can get their rocks off without taking their socks off Then glad to be of service nor do they make me nervous
As Christmas comes again to The OC it comes to me I can handle whatever the government cares to send My reality will never break because it can bend
I deal with insanity by practicing poetry I jump right in and do it and it helps me get through it To write a poem about it to make you smile awhile Christmas in The OC you see is a matter of style
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 20, 2005, 9:34 am
A Stone to Mark the Mile
I have been Christmasing a little while And been pleased to find presents left for me Tonight a bag of pecans brought a smile Like my presents did when I was a kid I found a nutcracker in the pantry And brushed up on my nutcracking technique With Christmas coming the end of the week
One of my sons has hidden presents here I had better not mention what they are Should his recipients read this I fear It would snatch surprise from their curious eyes But I can feel the sparkle of a star Rising on the horizon of my heart I am ready for the magic to start
Today I think my new book will arrive And that always excites me even now Things like new books make me feel so alive With Christmas present power at this late hour I never grew up in that way somehow And when I get that package it will be A Christmas present from my poetry
I feel like it will all be worth it when I hold that gathered harvest in my hand If you make things too you will understand That my work at last will be finished then A little while: a stone to mark the mile
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 18, 2005, 7:58 pm
Happy New Year to Us!
As a gentle gentleman of letters I have reached a point of repose of sorts Having outfoxed the worst of my betters Snug in my foxhole immune to the snorts Of those who resist happy holidays If we should dare to speak the wrong greeting
Those supermen who ever and always Know what is wrong with us without meeting Without ever bothering to listen To what any of us lost souls might say As on their brows their anointments glisten
They seem to have shut up and gone away So it seems feasible to me that we Who have at their hands known heartache and fear Having survived all their mischief might see Happier days in the coming new year
That half-empty glass looks half-full to me Since were it not for hope the heart would break And given self-fulfilling prophecy Those who give up on hope make a mistake And we can ill afford another one This year we have all made enough of those
But soon we will see a new year begun I can see hope if we keep on our toes The only way is up (since we have done About as badly as possible) so Happy New Year to us! Our future is now
My brothers and my sisters here we go I believe in us and want you to know I have a good feeling about us somehow That we can do it that we will get through it With style and with grace with a smile on our face
And as for our masters? Agree to disagree Look forward and not back nor let us regret Our annus horribilis anomaly Some of us are on a roll and I will bet No matter what has happened the best is yet To be for you and me: the best is yet to be
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 16, 2005, 6:18 pm
Riding the Rainbow of Reality
Day by day the lessons of life are drawn Complicated designs in lines of grey Form patterns for this rainbow we ride on The rainbow of reality is made Moment by moment until we are gone Of colors in every value and shade
Black and white minds shout no and turn away Insisting on the certainty they paid For being made for platitudes of power Swimming upstream like battleships to spawn
Set to devour us this colorful hour Disdaining those who dare to disagree With their official myth agreed upon Draining the color from you and from me
Drunk with power they think themselves so clever But since their eyes see only black and white Their vision is so narrow they never Can understand until it is too late
They are the past now and we are their fate
So smile awhile now in the rainbow light It is just a matter of time until We are free and we see the victory Which was ours all along and is ours still A living spectrum colorful and bright Riding the rainbow of reality
+Steven Curtis Lance
Fiat justitia ruat mundus: fiat lux
Copyright MMV
Dec 15, 2005, 7:16 pm
Christmas Crossroads
So close to Christmas and so far away From everyone from everything tonight I fear both life and death and so I stay If tentatively with the door in sight In the midst of it all decking the hall With forty feet of garlands my daughter Gave me when she surprised me and brought her Encouragement her strings of sparkling light
I must gather myself arrange my face At least buy gift certificates somehow Some way or other get through this with grace If I can then it will be over now Before I know it I must not show it Not this darkness not this terror I feel Not this shadow which lurks within these walls I have something tangible to embrace
The love of my children honest and real
In the light of their love the shadow falls Because of how they look at me that way It dries the dark to nothing in a smile A tender hug which makes me want to say I might just have to stick around awhile To see how things turn out in a new year Which could only be better than this one There are those who love me who want me here
The shadow falls: my Christmas has begun
+Steven Curtis Lance
Merry Christmas
Copyright MMV
Dec 14, 2005, 4:53 pm
Hand on Holiday
I woke up this morning my right hand did not My left hand remembered my right hand forgot But has remembered something is wrong with me Making it challenging to write poetry Being distracted neurologically Which is about as logical as I get
I keep waiting for it to wake up and yet Watching this hand write as though it belonged to Somebody else entirely and not to me Is a worthwhile if unsettling thing to do An alternative perspective certainly Not artifice nor literary device My numbed flesh-and-blood right hand makes me think twice To make this estranged member work properly
If I am dreaming and wake up suddenly Then you will never read these lines because they Will not be written into the light of day But if you are reading this my hand is numb A fascinating foretaste of things to come At least I finished my seventh book somehow
I guess my hand has gone on holiday now
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 11, 2005, 11:30 pm
Behind Enemy Lines
a survivor struggles to survive
What is it about me makes him hate me so? God knows he is a piss-poor poet He reminds me of my Uncle Jack I know And the people who know me know it
That same dark anger which destroyed my childhood All the torture the being misunderstood Is all brought back to me in flashback This man might as well be Uncle Jack
Of course Uncle Jack never wrote poetry Hated my father because of that But now when I encounter the bigotry Of this man I only see the fat Flushed sweating fury of Uncle Jack again
Something which was locked away breaks loose He triggers me he opens that box of pain Bearing the broken bones of abuse Which I have kept locked like Pandora these years But what comes out now is pity: no more tears
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMV
Dec 10, 2005, 7:33 pm
Existential Togetherness
I have a few on whom I can depend Other people come and go and hurt me But I have three great kids and one great friend
As fickle and flighty ones desert me I count my faithful few and find these four Quite enough really and I ask no more
Of course one can never have too many Should you like to become my friend come on Years I wandered without having any None anyone could ever depend on
But I am blessed now and not complaining I wish those who have come and gone the best That these four know me without explaining Means everything and never mind the rest
Now that I think of him I should add Fred Without my fat old cat I might be dead By now but all of us made it somehow This far because of what great friends we are
As sure a thing as one can find in life A surer thing than wealth or health or wife And yet I am ultimately alone
But let me pretend now as I descend Now as I slip into the great unknown I have a few on whom I can depend
I realize that maybe tomorrow My friend might leave me and cause me sorrow So this is it then irreducibly:
My kids and my cat are just stuck with me Three kids a cat and possibly a friend Which is still pretty good if understood
