The cabbies are out to pick up the drunks The wanderers too but going nowhere The poets the paranoids and the punks Are smoking and some are on fire out there Or here in this case we do what we do In this hollow place dreams never come true
We laugh artificially but we weep Down deep in hurt hearts as cops warily Shine us their spotlights while businessmen sleep Tossing and turning with worries of war And how it might hurt their economy They have all the money but they want more
Their shiny brass lamps shine elegantly But they shed no light just darkness and dread Tomorrow is another day they say I may look horrid but I am no whore I never cared for money anyway Facing foreclosure and forced removal
A homecoming in solidarity With the homeless hooker by the bookstore Talking back to the voices in her head Spare change please spare me your disapproval She was once a solid citizen too I heard her hurt and this is what it said:
"A professional prostitute like you Gets black and blue getting out of the red" A businessman wakes in a cold sweat now In his expensive adjustable bed He saw outside in his nightmare somehow Some look alive but inside they are dead
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 26, 2007, 9:39 pm
Up Up and Away!
I already died once before so why Should I be afraid to die anymore? The question is "to be or not to be": If I choose "be" do I dare to be free To rise bolder than I dared rise before Over deep seas colder further from shore?
These wings I have won should suffice to fly In an upward eastward trajectory With spirit and stubbornness carry me Improbably far impossibly high With no guarantee except one good chance
I feel I am ready to rise again This night is long but soon might dawn my day To soar and if it does to have my say And when I fall I will not fall in vain If you see some poet surfing the sky It might just be old Steven Curtis Lance
Stroke? Heart attack? Cancer? I have known worse Diseases than these no one ever sees So why not live to rise and meet this day Streak like a comet through the universe As high as I can? Up up and away!
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 24, 2007, 1:07 pm
Black-eyed Peas
To eat some black-eyed peas on New Year's Day Is a worthy if wistful tradition Said to bring good luck keep bad luck away To bring better days show humility And start the new year from a position Of strength when eaten with the family From a big pot or only from a can In a lonely room if you are like me Or out on the road like a rambling man By the tracks beneath a cottonwood tree With a friend who might be rambling your way
I set store by such simple things as these Although I have stumbled nearly to May So I ate some black-eyed peas yesterday A gracious flavor from a friend of mine Who brought me some hope with some memories The flavor was earthy the grace divine Which always helps any day of the year I thought I might ramble but I might stay For some black-eyed peas on next New Year's Day And I will eat them with my friend right here It never hurts to eat some black-eyed peas
With a friend who might be rambling my way
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 21, 2007, 11:29 pm
Jim
A homeless man I once knew had this tattoo "I Love My Family" inscribed on his chest It was the only thing he knew to be true As he tried to forget about all the rest
He told me when he was found dead they would know He remembered them wherever he might go He said he sure hoped they would remember him I hugged him hard and said "I know they will Jim"
Lord have mercy on the wandering man Men like Jim and me out rambling around Who have no idea where we might be bound If no one else will help us Lord you can
Someday when these worn-out bodies are found I hope they know we loved our families With broken hearts forgotten tragedies With broken minds troubled with things like these
Remember us please despite this disease Which makes us wander lonely through the night Wanting so much to make our wrong things right Just out here looking for a little light
Nobody knows why nor what we have to do Except for us ...but Jim: I remember you
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 20, 2007, 6:29 pm
Rite of Passage
Let the hard rain fall Let it fall on me And bring down the pall Of insanity Wash away my sins As madness begins
My world has grown dark I like it this way My flickering spark Shines in shades of grey Shadows everywhere
I no longer care For the mockery Of a cruel light Which I cannot see
Come then bring the night Come and let it be My womb and my tomb Like a secret room
In the dark I see A hand burning bright Writing on the wall Destiny or doom
Now it beckons me Finding me alone Now it reckons me As one of its own
This then is my rite Of passage to be free Of a past which now at last I no longer care to bear Of a mask worn at half-mast I no longer swear to wear
You can look for me But I will not be there Seek yet never find (Like me) as I say good night to the day Which never understood me anyway
Let the hard rain fall As I slip out of my mind Let it fall on me As I leave the day behind
The night is my birthright It was always there for me Let the hard rain fall I have chosen to break free
As I fall into the All I bid you all good night
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 19, 2007, 5:15 pm
Cigarettes and Kisses
When I think I want a cigarette What I know I need is a kiss Now I have neither of these and yet A kiss is what I really miss
Offering me life instead of death A kiss is something which takes my breath Away in such a much better way
So someday if you should hear me say That I think I want a cigarette We will know what I need is a kiss
Lonely looking for love I went astray And I found nothing but poems like this
While at least I don't taste like an ashtray Nothing really matters without a kiss
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 18, 2007, 1:48 pm
Possibility
Today dawned on me as an epiphany The universe is starting to make sense A thing-in-itself in the present tense Which now seems to be feeling less tense to me
Seeing it as open and not hollow I will simply keep going and follow Its open road to where I am meant to be As a present from the present today
Which is itself the present anyway A present pregnant with possibility
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 17, 2007, 1:22 am
For Matt Fisher
a sonnet in solidarity
The works of my hands will never endure The words of my mouth are even less sure Because my disease is one with no cure
So all I can do is share it with you Just you and me and our mortality
And damn it here I am smoking again Trying to burn off existential pain I guess but what a mess we both are in!
So baby maybe I just choose to sin A little to stay whole and save my soul
Brother in dusk down here waiting for dawn Homeboy in heartbreak as we reach for hope Hang on with me for awhile as we grope For some light until our darkness is gone
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 12, 2007, 3:05 pm
Shy Little Love Song
I have survived things I thought no one could live through Had crazier misadventures than anyone I never could have made it this far without you But what we got through has made us two more like one At least to me and I hope you feel like this too So on a new day when I feel new life begun I take a leap of faith and believe that you do
I sit with the homeless and hear with empathy (Since that is all I have to give them anyway) The tales they tell which might as well be about me And I thank God and you I made it to this day More or less intact booze drug and tobacco free (After Easter I threw those last cigars away)
Love opens these once tight-shut eyes so I can see To dare to take a further leap of faith and say Held close within your heart is where I want to be Just as I have held you close within mine always Come build with me a home of solidarity To keep us warm with love and laughter all our days
This is from my heart: I hope you feel like this too I take a leap of faith and believe that you do
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 11, 2007, 1:13 pm
Circus Train
In our awkward puzzling position Life on earth can seem a circus but Remains never without its reward Try to enjoy it no matter what As the temporary condition Which it manifestly is and must Be before we return to the dust
Until then our circus train chugs toward The summit of our humanity Where whatever our idea might be Of that which is to come after this Awkward puzzling position we know To one we know not where we might go
Through trial to transcendental bliss Or maybe just an end to it all Whatever follows when petals fall But never neglect the here and now This moment itself for its own sake And try to have fun with it somehow
Because never having died before Life on earth becomes an act of faith A very good chance for us to take And who could ask for anything more Than to live well and laugh last at death?
Life on earth can seem a circus but Personally I believe and trust That you and I are much more than dust But if to the dust we must return Let us live and love and laugh and learn
Try to enjoy it no matter what
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 9, 2007, 5:19 pm
Exacta
I grew up out at the track with my mother Checking out the horses and helping her choose Getting an education like no other While learning about all the ways you can lose
But I never saw her so happy as when She hit an exacta and understood then Why all those people with their broken-down cars Left broken-down lives back home to reach for stars
Because once in a while the magic would come And an angel would kiss some broken-down bum To bless him with martinis and long cigars Long as the odds which once in a while we beat Snatching victory from the jaws of defeat We held our tickets until all hope was gone
But I found the fountains in the infield lawn And filled my pockets with wet quarters for her From superstitious winners who never were Finding more money than my mother most days Finding one of the more dependable ways To come home a winner those sunny Sundays
I grew up out at the track with my mother Checking out the horses and helping her choose Getting an education like no other While learning about all the ways you can lose
The odds were so long yet at the end she beat Cold death to snatch life from the jaws of defeat Now as I place a wet quarter on her grave I know she won and offer my life to her I place my bet for another soul to save For me and for those winners who never were
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 8, 2007, 11:08 pm
Easter Before I Go
No one wants to die and neither do I But when your time is coming you just know So I spent this Easter wondering why Waiting for stars watching the cars which go Around and around all seemingly bound For happy destinations far away From where I sat with the homeless out in The hub of the wheel of my town today
The stars never came the flickering flame Of my cheap lighter lighting cheap cigars Became the vigil light of lonely night Which came as a relief beyond the grief Of seeing happy families like these Making their fuss who looked askance at us The people like me with no family
Just a few broken friends with burnt-out ends Of smokes and bitter jokes about our lives And where we have been and what we have seen Of who we were once with children and wives
Only the lonely would know what we mean Here in this in-between of life and death Where some say we are punished for our sin My homeless friends with vodka on their breath No booze for me just the insanity Of cars without stars and some cheap cigars A kind fellow-wanderer shared with me
No one wants to die and neither do I But when your time is coming you just know So I spent this Easter wondering why With friends of mine out here before I go
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 7, 2007, 4:33 pm
Surprised
If I ever had anything to lose I probably would have lost it by now If I was once given the chance to choose I might well have made the wrong choice somehow Sure made my share of mistakes anyway Forgotten now (don't mind doesn't matter) I just look back and laugh at this late hour Having developed a taste for surprise
I never really had much of a say Not being one of the ones with the power Just picked up such crumbs as fate might allow Went hungry as the fat cats got fatter Did what I thought was my best every day Picked up a few tricks between there and here Learned the great lesson that life while not fair Is full of surprise for curious eyes
It surprises me to be anywhere After years of seemingly meaningless Ins and outs and ups and downs and sideways Adventures so I can handle I guess Such phantasmagoric frolicsome days As I might endure as I know for sure Mortality's a disease with no cure Except to let go: to let go of fear
I just look back and laugh at this late hour Surprised to be one of the ones with the power
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 3, 2007, 1:32 pm
Etude: Thirteen by Thirteen
thirteen lines of thirteen syllables
He turned out like his father as his mother had feared Made the same mistake and thought it best to go to sea Out of sight and out of mind seemed a good place to be So rounding the corner of the world he disappeared But once around the corner he saw it was in vain To go since what goes around just comes around again
No matter how far we flee we can never be free Of the wheel of the real of the turning of the pain Of the burning of the learning of the suffering Of rounding the corner of the world to disappear To go all the way around to be found right back here Where we started and departed from once long ago
Yet until we go around the wheel how can we know?
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 2, 2007, 9:59 pm
The Thing I Like Best About You
I seem to think of the right thing to say About a week later or maybe two You always know what I mean anyway This is the thing I like best about you
I lost my money I misplaced my mind And trouble haunts and hunts me everywhere The road is hard for those who walk it blind Like me as I go without knowing where
But I like you and I think you like me I might be wrong I know but I think so I know everybody needs somebody For a little company as they go
So never mind the meaning of it all And what the hell we might as well just be A couple of autumn leaves as we fall Twisting in the wind but elegantly
Or eloquently if we wait a week Or two but then we never need to speak Because we know what we mean anyway This is the thing I like best about you
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Apr 1, 2007, 7:33 pm
The Gift We Keep
I search the eyes of a homeless man and see A reflection deeper than any mirror I understand I am him and he is me His eyes are mine as the truth becomes clearer That something beyond the solidarity Of human beings who meet on the street is Happening and understood implicitly
His present is my future and my past his I see all eyes are searching ultimately And that these eyes of ours have found each other
Why life has brought us here only life can say But I his younger he my older brother Are brothers like tomorrow and yesterday Of which neither day exists so only now We sit together and understand somehow What will be will be but our humanity Is the gift we keep which none can take away
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 29, 2007, 5:12 pm
Orphan
Left disappointed by theology Left unsatisfied by biology Left empty-handed by philosophy In a seemingly random universe In a bad situation getting worse Apart from cant and rant to search the sky I live in fear as an orphan down here
Not the best man but surely not the worst Not important certainly not the first Nor last to sink under this rising sea Left here to die without quite knowing why Left alone to wonder until I do Left on the brink not knowing what to think I turn back to childhood when I knew you
God if you are there please would you show me If we could have a future you and I?
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 28, 2007, 2:44 am
Rather Like Rhymes
Wandering wondering nickels and dimes Jingling in my pocket rather like rhymes About dreams which never came true (not yet) The people on the sidewalk smile at me
I smile right back at everyone I see Smiling makes it easier to forget The abject absurdity of it all And to be content to be poor and small
I shaved off my whiskers I cut my hair Got all cleaned up walked down to Plaza Square Where everybody was nice to me there They told me they liked my new clean-cut look And they might also like to buy a book
Well if they do of books I have plenty Sonnets fourteen hundred four and twenty Then these poems with no numbers at all By someone content to be poor and small Wandering wondering nickels and dimes Jingling in my pocket rather like rhymes
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 26, 2007, 4:18 pm
The Mirror and the Window
As much as we need to remember We also need to forget Or else in the chill of November Things are unforgotten yet Things which weigh upon us heavily
Unforgiven unforgotten Things ferment and end up rotten Such is the burden of memory To trap us in the mirror Poisoning both heart and history
Forgetting brings things clearer Forgiveness is the window To let in the light below So that in the end at last we see This is the freedom of clarity
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 23, 2007, 8:03 pm
Broken Veterans
Broken veterans camp on this park lawn My brothers in inscrutability Although the sun shines their minds have long gone Dark since they bore the brunt of destiny
They came home from where they were sent but there Something was lost which can never be found Again so they sleep homeless on the ground
Since they never really came home at all
They died to the world and what they fought for Got confused as they watched their comrades fall And if you ask them you will hear them say Only those who were there understand war
Here they are yet they are so far away That one despairs of ever breaking through Except by some change from me and from you
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 22, 2007, 7:24 pm
Two for One: Bagel and Coffee
I. Bagel
Gnawing a toasted bagel pensively While worrying about the calories I just wonder what will become of me But then I decide that bagels like these Whatever else they do taste heavenly And so I commit to eat all of it Since it bears no butter and no cream cheese
What will become of me is I will be As for what else becomes let it become Because I have seen the worst anyway OK by me as long as I have some Change for a bagel on a sunny day And should life go from bad to worse to worst At least I know I will not be the first
II. Coffee
Those drugs which make people nervous Hold no fascination for me They offer a doubtful service Though offered stimulatingly
I know you know which drugs I mean Of which I only use caffeine Because it just comes with my tea Or the coffee of this morning At Starbucks down on Plaza Square
Of coffee I need no warning Since I can only have it there If someone slips me refill change Or they wink me a cup for free
I would feel rushed and rather strange Snorting white powder up my nose And yet they do it heaven knows Led by the nose headlong to doom Far from where the poetry grows
Zoom!
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 21, 2007, 4:38 pm
The Meaning of It
At the end and that is where I feel like I am now Living through such trials as to challenge my belief That which really matters is to have a friend somehow And should people shout at me and treat me cruelly Which they do as you know more than I want to admit How good it is to know someone with insight to see Whatever good there might be left and left inside me And I think that this just might be the meaning of it
Though brokenhearted now and broken in any case The very best medicine is that familiar face Of one who does not judge except to say I am fine With all my faults and failings reflecting that divine Acceptance found so seldom in this our human race The only medicine which ever gives me relief I have never understood where we are racing to Careening as I do between depression and grief
But I am just thankful to be racing next to you Wherever we are going I can get there I know You tell me life is worth it all and you show me why Blue sky above with you beside and good earth below Whatever happens next and no matter what we do As we tiptoe through this minefield of sorrows and scares With your help I see the earth bloom I see the sky shine And after all become convinced that somebody cares
Right up to my last breath I will live until I die Never mind the hour of that last breath nor count the days We never know when we must go our days are unknown Life is lived all the sweeter on the brink of always One thing I know for sure is that I am not alone How good it is to know someone with insight to see Whatever good there might be left and left inside me And I think that this just might be the meaning of it
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 19, 2007, 9:18 am
Curious Canyons
thank you Franziska
Today I find myself relieved to see I am not alone in the universe Somebody here likes to visit with me Just the way I am for better or worse Baggage and all my dancing in haunted Houses all my sea stones answered at last Hope for the present if not for the past
I guess this is all I ever wanted Waiting for love to come patiently when I needed it most but not until then Wondering if my doing might be done But you see life remains and I agree Thank you Franziska for being the one To remind me how things are meant to be
In these curious canyons of the mind Together we can wonder about things Get big ideas about leaving behind Those nightmare things which the night watchman sings Our real friends seem impossible to find Because they were never lost anyway Thank you Franziska thank you for today
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 17, 2007, 11:53 pm
Under the Moon by the Railroad Track
They tell me we live and learn but I am uncertain what they mean It only seems like we earn what Little we know of destiny By simple serendipity Yet in a random universe It could always be a lot worse And very often it has been
We grit our teeth we face the pain The moon wears neither smile nor frown We fall but we get up again To rise so high that up is down Then weep but weep away the stain And what we see of destiny Will be enough for you and me In this the only game in town
Earth to ashes and dust to flame It only seems like we earn what They tell me we live and learn but Humanity is not to blame The vanity the grief the shame The ultimate futility In this the only game in town Remain but leave them let them be
We will always have stormy weather Just keep walking and never look back If you want we can walk together Under the moon by the railroad track I look at the moon and see her smile She whispers "love" and "never look back" And night is bright at least for awhile Under the moon by the railroad track
+Steven Curtis Lance
Copyright MMVII
Mar 17, 2007, 5:02 am
Nirvana
for my friend Bernard Betts
Drinking tea in the middle of the night Enjoying it and being thankful for Simple things like not always being right Having just what I have no less no more Which might seem less than I need but my sight Has been disappointed by death and war And is not what it used to be these days
When waiting eyes look up to realize Nothing yet everything is as it was One batch is born as another one dies The effect unrelated to the cause Then waiting eyes weep but are thankful for Simple things like not needing to be right Needing nothing at all no less no more
Here on the ledge overlooking always Drinking tea in the middle of the night
