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Selected Poems of Steven Curtis Lance

Displaying Poems 1 thru 25 of 2719 Poems

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Jan 12, 2017, 5:36 am


Order in Disorder



A mystery box
Full of paradox
This history of me

My sense of order
Is a disorder
Paradoxically

My poetry goes
Like this I suppose
As what I do to be

It just goes this way
Being so to say
Written in Lancean

It must be just so
(And just so you know
All of it is for you)

Better to be than
Not to if I can
Doing what I can do

I never could change
Have always been strange
From a strange family

Hard to understand
But this is it and
This is what got me through

Obsessing guessing
Confessing messing
Around with words somehow

Is what I do now
Who I am and how
This disordered order

I do not complain
Of my damaged brain
Because I got this too

A mystery box
Full of paradox
Order in disorder



Steven Curtis Lance







Jan 5, 2017, 12:08 am


Let Me Let Me



They say I should pray but I do my way
Like tonight I was praying and saying
Let me be happy like let there be light
The way a god might say creatively
The magic words into the void of space

But changed it then to say let me let me
Regretting having been my enemy

Given the circumstances to edit
It slightly to give me some slight credit
For getting through although forgetting to
Remember I was then but now I see
Here I am and I seem to be staying

Getting to know myself better I get
The feeling it is up to me to be

How this is it now my time and my place
To do what I can before I forget
Saying my praying the way that I do
Let it not be meaningless at midnight
Let me know what I mean and be alright

Let me let go of not to be to be
At the beginning of always tonight

Let always be always beginning here
Now never ending transcending the fear
Of a quiet man in a quiet place
Of diamonds on black velvet by night
And bright shining refining gold by day

One another might be listening through
The darkness to one who is other too

If so it hardly matters what I say
Anyone out there would know what I mean
Whoever whatever he she or it
May be or maybe not be let me let
Me say the magic words and get them right

But the void is full of stars anyway
And something like love in the in between



Steven Curtis Lance







Jan 4, 2017, 9:10 am


At the Turning of the Year



Here I am for better or worse
Turning through the universe
Looking up from down on the ground
Turning around and around
But learning from it I have found
How I have to spin to win
And so now I do it again

Having no choice anyway
But finding my voice on the way
Knowing how from having been
Around somehow to now from then
Through new years and new birthdays
To be between now and always

Never dreaming that I would
Ever make it or that I could
Turn out to be understood
As good do well survive arrive
Strangely changingly alive
Another year older but here
Through the darkness through the fear

But dreams though not admitted to
As ever dreamed still come true
Dreams never dared to dream will do
What they will as they come through
The turning come around to be
Looking up from down like me

So here I am for better now
Having spun and won somehow
What I learned though I was turning
To go who come returning
For another turn at learning
What I am to learn from what
Turns out to be to be or not

Another year older but
Here at the turning of the year



Steven Curtis Lance







Jan 1, 2017, 11:33 am


What I Got / At 62



What I Got



My forebears far back as I can see
Were to their credit free spirits like me
Even when hobbled by religion
They cobbled through by curiosity

They wobbled some like some of us do
But got there in the end where they got through
The destiny of my origin
In the origin of my destiny
Choosing each other freely as they
Found themselves in each other their own way

Bound together by their tendency
To be curious but curiously
Not to blame them in time they became
Some crazy people looking for the same
Who found themselves before they were gone

Winning or losing but with what they won
They went their own way but they went on
To become something that came with my name
By the time I came along to be
Ending up with me being crazily
With something not to be gotten rid
Of unforgotten I got like they did

As what I got from my family
Something I bring that would come anyway
To the end of what has been to try
To live up to or down to it or die
Trying to be transcendentally

In the destiny of my origin
The only way out to now through then
For me has been to see how it began
Curiously again and again
Learning the way out turns out to be in
The origin of my destiny

I got through a lot so I ought to stay
For the rest of who I am with what
Is why I am how I am so why not
Do the best I can with what I got



At 62



Some people are old at 62
Others seem younger or are trying to
But turning 62 as I do
It feels pretty old having lived a lot

Getting crazier with what I got
From those who went before me as I go
Into 2017 although
Still pretty immature now even so

62 on Highway 62
At the Hi-Desert hideaway between
Life and death in 2017
When I write you though you know what I mean

Something that makes me feel like I should
Go on doing it being understood
It feels pretty old but it feels good
To be understood and understand too

What I get out of it is I get
To get to know you and never forget
Somebody gets me so I go on
At 62 still until I am gone

So here I go for another round
Knowing from going around and around
Being seeing in the in between
Love is all the meaning I ever found

The meaning between to be or not
Is the meaning between us me and you



This is what I got at 62



Steven Curtis Lance







Dec 25, 2016, 9:52 pm


In the In Between



for Franziska on Christmas Day



Franziska and I speak of psychosis
Having us in common and
We wonder why but try to understand
Our common diagnosis
She understands me uncommonly as
Ever as she always has

Whenever it is however we are
Rising to our falling star
Wherever we are is never too far
In parallel though we fell
Through hell being here now doing as well
As we can when this is it

Recalling it all to never forget
Seeing is believing in
Us being us wherever we have been
A positive prognosis
For the work in progress of existence
Because of our persistence

Glad to be mad with somebody who knows
How it is and how it goes
Under a falling star but rising now
Wondering with her is how
Together we weather the whether or
Not and if to be what for

In the in between where we met and where
She is here as I am there
Between us to see what it means to be
Here as there what we have seen
What it means for us in the in between
Here as there and everywhere

Having suffered some as we suffered from
What it took us to become
Us now as I look how far we have come
In uncommon company
Being us knowing we know what we mean
And seeing us overcome

Between us in the in between I see
What Franziska means to me



Steven Curtis Lance







Dec 24, 2016, 11:43 pm


Christmas Eve



Any way you may or not believe
However you do a holiday
May you be jolly now anyway

Love to all and each on Christmas Eve



Steven Curtis Lance







Dec 22, 2016, 3:44 am


A Falling Star to Keep



I



On the eve of the Eve of Christmas Day
Between the rain and the rain again
The cold wind blows but shows the sun in
Its arc through the dark bound on its way
Around to be found where it has been

Whether or not I end or begin
The weather like life goes on anyway



II



I want to go on
Until I am gone
To see if I can
Not be lesser-than
But do something good
And be understood

To be or not to
Now but if I do
Go on to do it
Poetically
Knowing how to be
Having been through it
Doing this as I
Go on being me

I want to go through
With dreams coming true
As the world goes by
I want to go too
Until I am gone
Because I went on



III



I never knew my father
Because he could not bother
But he was young like he said
Then to me though he was dead
When we spoke posthumously

He was a hitman but he
As a poet too like me
Sometimes says what I should write
Like I write right now tonight
In this poem anyway

Here from there to now from then
Through me from the other side
From across the great divide
As we resurrect again
Our poetic history

What we had in common found
Bound by blood on common ground
Yes I am mad and I guess
This is too but I confess
This poetic mystery

On one and the other hand
Wondering I understand
Wondering how it could be
Understanding it would be
"Lancean" he says to say



IV



The birds have fallen silent I think they went to sleep
Winter enters steadily is already here
Foreshadowed twilight shadowed in a different light

The shades of the day until it fades away
From gold to red to violet as blue becomes grey
As it gets older and colder and it falls

Only the dark now the lonely wind calls
Though the moon is near the sun so soon to disappear
Into black velvet with diamonds tonight

The night is dark and deep with a falling star to keep
Like a spark of hope the morning star will appear
Until it fades away into the shades of the day

The day on its way out transcends its way in
A day away ends beginning again



Steven Curtis Lance







Dec 20, 2016, 2:05 am


Winter



The birds have fallen silent I think they went to sleep
Winter enters steadily is already here
Foreshadowed twilight shadowed in a different light

The shades of the day until it fades away
From gold to red to violet as blue becomes grey
As it gets older and colder and it falls

Only the dark now the lonely wind calls
Though the moon is near the sun so soon to disappear
Into black velvet with diamonds tonight

The night is dark and deep with a falling star to keep
Like a spark of hope the morning star will appear
Until it fades away into the shades of the day

The day on its way out transcends its way in
A day away ends beginning again



Steven Curtis Lance







Dec 17, 2016, 12:04 am


Crazy Ride



In an unreal reality show
My only way out looks lonely now through
This crazy ride about to begin
Already unsteady but here I go
Feeling unstable not really able to

This is what is not what might have been
As crazy outside of my head now as in

My mind is not right not quite I know
But I know who I am and what to do
By not giving up living up to me now
For what might have been or what might be
Might as well resist insist on being free

Seeing them being who know they ought
To know what they are doing but they do not

Being me doing what I know how
Through madness within and without into
This lonely way through each to their own
Alongside on this crazy ride with you
Alone together reaching through the unknown

Living up to us when now is when
By not giving up on us is how we win



Steven Curtis Lance







Dec 14, 2016, 9:20 pm


Franziska and Me



If Franziska says my whiskers are fine
I take her opinion over mine
Not that I want to cut them anyway
Never mind some other day

Nor is it ever a good idea to
Handle such sharp things too much if you
See clear through the mirror the way I do
Seeing way too much that way

But being there seeing she is who
Knows what I mean I suppose having seen
Where I have been having been there too

Been through hell as well to see
But wonder what is reality
Seeing existentially
As we do but as who know what we mean

Being us seeing us in between
Understanding me still she
Says "Alles wird gut" and it will be
If Franziska is with me



Steven Curtis Lance







Dec 10, 2016, 10:21 pm


Anyway



Being how I am become
Some old man somehow come
To be certain of only
My uncertainty as
Changing I see how change has
Its own way as what does
Not change strangely not what was
But is uncertainly

When my only certainty
Becomes the sum of now
Through this disability
Of mind to find my way
Through yesterday to today
Now somehow if I can
Then to be now anyway
Becomes enough for me
Neither more nor lesser than

Having been to be some
More now than before I see
Becoming some of how
Is becoming me somehow
Revealing me to be
Real who feel reality
Come through me to transcend
My beginning by my end

As some of how become
Now is how I overcome



Steven Curtis Lance







Dec 7, 2016, 11:16 pm


Elephant



I



What we have here
Is the fear of fear
Of the unknown
Of being alone
Of everything
And this is the thing

What is to be?
What happens to me?

As what you and
I who understand
Feeling this way
Have felt anyway
For so long now
Who wonder somehow

Now there are more
Of us than before



II



The news is ridiculous
And yet I meticulously
Read it greedily each day
As if I need to anyway

I seem to have to get it
But then I have to regret it
Seems to me it seems to be
Getting harder to be this way

Through this much-too-muchness and
Such out-of-touchness out of hand
Out of mind for even me
Unkindness through absurdity

In this random universe
In tandem with what makes it worse
This fandom of cruelty
That history repeats I see

I know I have to let it
Go try though fail to forget it
Regretting so what I know
Is getting to me letting go

The elephant in the room
Trending toward my impending doom
Absurd enough to be for
Me to read less who need no more

Less is more and more is less
More or less ridiculous



III



I suppose there will be a war
Now as how it goes and went before

Who knows but I suppose that how
It comes might come as a surprise now
To some living to forget what
The unforgiving never forgot

Some would forget but I could not
What to get from getting old I got

Falling recalling all the dead
Who were sent and went but are no more
Recalling all the fallen when
I think of now I remember then

That they should be living instead
Of who would forget what they died for



Steven Curtis Lance







Nov 30, 2016, 11:34 pm


The Role of a Lifetime



Am I demented or just insane
As I have been (not to complain)
Having after all a damaged brain?

Just wanting to be happy though
How I have to be having to go
Along with what comes along now

Wanting to be happy anyhow
Just glad not to be sad about
What is now and then how it turns out

Insanely or dementedly
It seems to me now I seem to be
Having a good time being me

The role of a lifetime this is it
Having it now before I forget



Steven Curtis Lance







Nov 26, 2016, 12:57 am


Anotherwise



Through rigmarole and folderol
And many a shenanigan
Kerfuffles and a brouhaha or two
Surviving my striving downfall
Arriving here now after all

Not knowing how but somehow coming through
To this is it to now through then
To be and do but this is when
To be after all is all I can do
Surviving the ridiculous

Arriving at the truth of us
We the survivors arriving again
Meaning to be who hope we can
Nonetheless when nothing less than
The meaning is between us me and you

Meaning enough for an other
Like me to be one another
With an other like you when we are not
As otherwise as others thought
Seeing myself anotherwise

My lonely self not only but yours too
When here I am to my surprise
An other being otherwise
Anotherwise to the meaning between
Us meaning you know what I mean



Steven Curtis Lance







Nov 15, 2016, 2:44 am


Long Story



They said we could have flying cars
When I was a kid said shoot for the stars
Lying but I tried it out to see
Trying to fly as time happened to me

Observing what happens to be
From inside out that comes from outside in
Not flying yet but still trying to

When not too depressed to progress I do
German Lutheran stubbornness
Is serving me well as I follow through
With the work in progress I have been

I shot for and got my star though falling
At least a tattoo anyway
Finally found myself and my calling
Here in a Hi-Desert hideaway

Maybe not lying they were trying too
I gave up waiting for the car
But what I shot for and got was a star
That now I think of it may be me

Better than ever and nevertheless
Here I am however I guess
For now or never and never mind then

Long story along toward where it ends
Yes I am a mess but I have friends



Steven Curtis Lance







Nov 10, 2016, 1:30 am


Why Not?



I



I used to wonder if I was
But understand I am because
Of how it hurts the way it does
Now and then but then again when
The wonder is revealed again

I understand because I feel
What is that does if it is real

As how I understand it then
Who feel myself to be now though
It may hurt still go will go on
Having to be though having been
As I am until I am gone

I used to wonder but I know
How I go on now so I go



II



A discreetly priestly sign-of-the-cross
Small and close points equidistant
Through all the existential loss
When the universe seemed inconsistent
Over the lock on the gate when
I get back from getting the mail again

Then over the coffee machine
When I push the button and let it go
To let the miracle begin
Knowing the universe will know
Though I might have forgotten what I mean
Demented between then and now

What is forgotten is not even though
Remembered inconsistently
Existentially what has been
Or essentially never was might be
What I remember that somehow
Might not have been the universe but me

Now growing closer knowing how
Not to resist an eccentrically
Traced pattern of another time
And place through spacetime just in case
That mattered enough that I write this rhyme
Obsessively-compulsively



III



As to my question why am I?
My suggestion why not? is why

Curiosity is to be
And so I am curiously
When curiosity is how
I know I am then I know now

When curiosity is what
Is having been to now through when
I had to see the hard way then
To see it through by being me

Out of sheer curiosity
Not only what to be is but
About the only thing I got
Out of being furiously

Curiously got through somehow
My why am I? to my why not?



Steven Curtis Lance







Oct 18, 2016, 8:20 pm


Waking



My whole life would seem
A dream to disappear
When the morning comes
That goes on but becomes
What comes and goes when
Now remembering then
It would seem a dream
I had on my way here

Maybe a nightmare
Sometimes but anyway
What I had to do
And be but I got through
It glad to have been
If I had to be where
I see myself there
Dreaming my life away
Yesterday became
The day tomorrow came
Dreaming of today

Somehow I know I go
On as how I grow
And so now I go on
Gone on but not gone
What seemed a dream before
Seeming something more
Remembered toward the end
Waking me to know

Dreams do come true this way
Waking to transcend



Steven Curtis Lance







Oct 14, 2016, 3:08 am


Until it is Gone



2016



All I want is to transcend
Wanting this haunting election to end
Somehow without catastrophe
Having my doubts about it
Being within now doing without it

The fear is here that much is clear
But out there without not within me here
All I have to remember
As fall falls into November
Is in from out let them shout without me

Seeing without from within
Taking note I will vote but absentee
Make myself heard out there from in
Fleeing what is going on
Out there going in until it is gone



Steven Curtis Lance







Oct 5, 2016, 8:49 pm


This is It



When I was young before I forgot
I thought I had better get what I had not
So thought a lot more and what I got
Is this is it and I had better get it
Or if not then always regret it

But I did so I got rid of ties that bind
Let it all go along with my mind
Left what I had lost as what it cost behind

I had to grow so I had to go
On when life went on then because I had to
Find out who I was and what to do
About it and found out I had to go through
A lot but I got to go on too
To learn as it turns out what I had to know

Is from is not and now from then but
In the confusion of now with then again
To see now through illusion then at
What an ever stranger time see how to be

Nevertheless only strange for me
As what never was before but I recall
Change rearranging reality
For me though strange at first to be changing that
Brought me through the worst of madness fear
And sadness to strangely be how I got here

Now better strangely than not at all
In interesting times interestingly
Enough for me to see what I see

Things changed but I found out who I am and what
To do about it to not regret
Living through a lot and not giving up yet
Glad to be if I had to be when
Now is forever but never then again

What I had to tell you before I forget
Now when I am old is this is it



Steven Curtis Lance







Sep 28, 2016, 8:51 pm


Spark of Hope



As I realize reality I find
Hurrying to worry as it does
What never will be because it never was
Crowding into cloudscapes in my mind

Reacting to distracting things that may come
Staying on as shadows they become
Mirages and mirrors before and behind
Between tomorrow and yesterday

Through distractions of attractions ties that bind
To letting go as I get to know
Then how to go on now when somehow I go
On between to be and not to be

I come true as I become reality
Come through to become when even though
I go I come true as Steven even so
To find me in kind in humankind

Through the dark tonight this spark of hope I see
Says take this chance to make it as me
In light of this tells me I might as well stay
Not to miss this opportunity

My mind might not be right but this might be how
I find real in reality now
Between is and is not as I find my way
Through and if not to be anyway



Steven Curtis Lance







Sep 26, 2016, 7:15 am


Astonishing Reality



The stars are astonishing
As if to be admonishing
Me I should look up so I could see
How they would astonish me

Sparks through the dark of confusion
Reality through the illusion

Wondering I lift my eyes
And understanding realize
How they do now to see you and I
And everyone as one under the sky

Admonished by our stars to be
Our astonishing reality



Steven Curtis Lance







Sep 24, 2016, 11:20 pm


Too Much



Existentially ambivalent
To be in equipoise with not to be
Life and death essentially equivalent
In touch with my mortality to such
A degree it may be I think I may see
Maybe I think about it too much



Steven Curtis Lance







Sep 20, 2016, 9:30 pm


My Awkward Age



It may be that I
May be demented but
Maybe it is not
My awkward age but my
Madness may be how
To get through then to now
Maybe this is why

Though not forgetting to
Remember me who
Earned now by letting go
Then of what I had
But learned by going mad
What I had to know

When sad I had to let
Go then glad to see
It go not to forget
To be who had been
Freed to be or not be
Me though madly more
Than I had been before

Being more or less
Obsessively I guess
Demented no doubt
But this may be about
Now transcending then
Letting go to go in

At my awkward age when
In is my way out



Steven Curtis Lance







Sep 18, 2016, 4:08 pm


(work in progress...)



Nice to see my niece my sis and my bro
Nice to find myself to be in family
Nice of them to come and nice to see some
Of the nicest kind of humankind I know



Steven Curtis Lance







Sep 13, 2016, 9:34 pm


Alongside



The sun that went down has come up again
At as good a time as any to begin
A new day when the world begins anew
Beginning to be as I begin to see
I am and I am glad that you are too

On another day than otherwise to be
This side of the other you alongside me



Steven Curtis Lance










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