Karen Horney (1885 - 1952)
Theory of Neurosis
Horney is best known for her theory of neurosis, which she saw as much
more continuous with normal life than previous theorists. Specifically,
she saw neurosis as an attempt to make life bearable, as a way of "interpersonal
control and coping." It might be argued that this is what we all try to do on a continuous basis, though only some of us are successful, whereas the neurotic are not.
Patterns of Neurotic Needs
1. The neurotic need for affection and approval, the indiscriminate
need to please others and be liked by them.
2. The neurotic need for a partner, for someone who will take over one's
life. This includes the idea that love will solve all of one's problems.
Again, we all would like a partner to share life with, but the neurotic
goes a step or two too far.
3. The neurotic need to restrict one's life to narrow borders, to be
undemanding, satisfied with little, to be inconspicuous. Even this has
its normal counterpart. Who hasn't felt the need to simplify life when
it gets too stressful, to join a monastic order, disappear into routine,
or to return to the womb?
4. The neurotic need for power, for control over others, for a facade
of omnipotence. We all seek strength, but the neurotic may be desperate
for it. This is dominance for its own sake, often accompanied by a contempt
for the weak and a strong belief in one's own rational powers.
5. The neurotic need to exploit others and get the better of them. In
the ordinary person, this might be the need to have an effect, to have
impact, to be heard. In the neurotic, it can become manipulation and the
belief that people are there to be used. It may also involve a fear of
being used, of looking stupid. You may have noticed that the people who
love practical jokes more often than not cannot take being the butt of
such a joke themselves!
6. The neurotic need for social recognition or prestige. We are social
creatures, and sexual ones, and like to be appreciated. But these people
are overwhelmingly concerned with appearances and popularity. They fear
being ignored, be thought plain, "uncool," or "out of it."
7. The neurotic need for personal admiration. We need to be admired
for inner qualities as well as outer ones. We need to feel important and
valued. But some people are more desperate, and need to remind everyone
of their importance -- "Nobody recognizes genius," "I'm the real power
behind the scenes, you know," and so on. Their fear is of being thought
nobodies, unimportant and meaningless.
8. The neurotic need for personal achievement. Again, there is nothing
intrinsically wrong with achievement -- far from it! But some people are
obsessed with it. They have to be number one at everything they do. Since
this is, of course, quite a difficult task, you will find these people
devaluing anything they cannot be number one in! If they are good runners,
then the discus and the hammer are "side shows." If academic abilities
are their strength, physical abilities are of no importance, and so on.
9. The neurotic need for self-sufficiency and independence. We should
all cultivate some autonomy, but some people feel that they shouldn't ever
need anybody. They tend to refuse help and are often reluctant to commit
to a relationship.
10. The neurotic need for perfection and unassailability. To become
better and better at life and our special interests is hardly neurotic,
but some people are driven to be perfect and scared of being flawed. They
can't be caught making a mistake and need to be in control at all times.
Coping Strategies
As Horney investigated these neurotic needs, she began to recognize
that they can be clustered into three broad coping strategies:
I. Compliance, which includes needs one, two, and three.
II. Aggression, including needs four through eight.
III. Withdrawal, including needs nine, ten, and three.
Self theory
Horney had another way of looking at neurosis -- in terms of self images.
For Horney, the self is the core of your being, your potential.
If you were healthy, you would have an accurate conception of who you are,
and you would then be free to realize that potential (self-realization).
The neurotic has a different view of things. The neurotics self is "split"
into a despised self and an ideal self. Other theorists postulate
a "looking-glass" self, the you you think others see. If you look around
and see (accurately or not) others despising you, than you take that inside
you as what you assume is the real you. On the other hand, if you are lacking
in some way, that implies there are certain ideals you should be living
up to. You create an ideal self out of these "shoulds." Understand that
the ideal self is not a positive goal; it is unrealistic and ultimately
impossible. So the neurotic swings back and forth between hating themselves
and pretending to be perfect.
Horney described this stretching between the despised and ideal selves
as "the tyranny of the shoulds" and neurotic "striving for glory:"
The compliant person believes "I should be sweet, self-sacrificing,
saintly."
The aggressive person says "I should be powerful, recognized, a winner."
The withdrawing person believes "I should be independent, aloof, perfect."
And while vacillating between these two impossible selves, the neurotic
is alienated from their true core and prevented from actualizing their
potentials.
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