This is an extract from my website on the subject of experiencing the death of the ego, this was an important factor in my becoming interested in the subject of enlightenment.

Death of the Ego...

I stepped outside myself the other night, with some help from some white widow pot. I found that I occupied a space that was not personality driven. In fact I was watching my personality work as if I was watching an actor rehearsing his lines, i wasn't floating round the room or anything like that but words I spoke and things I did, were visible to be as character traits. It became obvious to me, that as humans we run our lives in a series of repeated scenarios, by this I mean that we react to things in certain ways; verbally and physically, because we know the response we will get and we like it.

We have a repertoire of scenarios at our disposal that we use in situations to make them work to our advantage, of course they don't always work, but they are modifiable. I think that what we are doing in everyday life is fooling ourselves and living in a complete fantasy world, but this is not necessarily a bad thing, infact absolutely necessary now that i think about it. There's far to much information to take in all at once.

To take a step out of this was an amazing eye opener, as you would not normally be aware of any other existence being possible. I Believe upon reflection that this is the experience known as "Death of the Ego" that I have read about.

What would happen if you lived in this other existence permanently, how would you communicate with others, i don't think you could! The games that people play all the time, all around you would be obvious to you and your wouldn't play along. Very quickly you would become isolated and alone.

This is probably why I have fallen out with friends in the past, they starting playing a game with a different set of rules and with different players, so when we spoke they forgot that I was not one of those players and I was incompatible with the game, and they with mine.

Is true growing up stopping yourself playing these games and treating people from a non game paying perspective? Certainly people can go there whole lives without growing up. 

This realisation feels like being shown what the matrix is!

16/04/03

Thanks, Laz..

One of the better things I've read in a while.  In fact, it reminds me of something that I recently read in the Shambala Sun, which is kind of similar and which I think I'll post.

It has to do with:

Thatness = ssntahT

...for lack of a better way to describe it.    

I'm also reminded of the beginning of my practice.  When I began,  under the concept of Buddha Mind - Jesus Heart, I clung to this verse from the Bible, and I may misquote, but it's close enough.

"He who seeks to save himself shall lose it, and he who gives up himself for my sake shall find it."

That's said several times in the Bible and in several slightly different variations.  But to me, no matter which way I cut that I came up with "ego defeat."  The thing was, again being new in my practice, I accidently approached that from the perspective of humbiling one's self as in "pride."  In other words, I didn't quite completly "get it."  I did not fully associate "ego" with "sense of I."

Well, finally it popped for me and I think I was able to put two and two together.  But I don't think that would have happened had I not accidently done two things.

1) humbling the ego

and

2) accidentally been riding a piece of the fire and lightening at the same time I came to deal with the sense of "I"

It kind of led me to coming up with this saying I sometimes use for a quote.

"Unfold your wings.  Grow love until you become love itself and realize that 'you' are the delusion."

Anyway, just a snippet from parts of the path remembered while still looking forward to parts of the path before me.  And here is that text from the Shambala Sun.  For me, the explaination of "thatness" is possibly the best dualistic explaination for the relational nature of things I've seen in a while.

Cheers!

QUOTE

I have been asked to explain what realization is, but if it could be explained it would not be realization. While you are kneading the dough of your thoughts, you cannot enjoy the bread of realization. Confucius said: My friends, do you think I was hiding it from you? No! I would never do such a thing! It was only that you were unable to see it. Walking through the forest of many thoughts, just keep on walking until you find yourself cornered in a place that admits neither of advance nor retreat. Here your knowledge will be of no avail. Even your religion will be unable to rescue you. If you are really eager to enter realization, just go straight ahead, holding tenaciously to the question “What is realization?” March on bravely! Surrounded by enemies, use your own sword; in the center of the battlefield, carve out a way for yourself. There will come a time when all of a sudden you will lose hold of your sword and at that moment—behold! You will have gained your true self. “All sacred books are like poor candles to the sun,” said Kosen, comparing them to his own realization. Jakushitsu once said: Didn’t I tell you it was there? You could have found it without any trouble at all. The south wind is warm; The sun shines peacefully; The birds warble their glad songs. Spring blossoms in every treetop. Zen is not a puzzle; it cannot be solved by wit. It is a spiritual food for those who want to learn what life is and what our mission is in this world. Mere scholarly pursuits will never lead to realization. Zen is not so much a religion as it is the essence of life itself, the naked truth of the universe, which is none other than the experience of Mind. He who feels uneasy in his inner life can come to Zen and find clear understanding and real joy. Zen does not propagandize. There is no need. All will come, sooner or later. Some will come from the literary class, along with some deep thinkers. Sorrow and struggle may lead others to Zen. But however you come, however you are led to Zen, you must come with a clear conscience and a pure heart. You must come with a desperate desire to see life as it really is; and must not permit anything to keep you from this, no matter how many blind alleys of religious creeds you may have stumbled into in the past. You may read all the books in all the libraries in the world; you may write thousands upon thousands of pages of your own thoughts. But if your mind is not thoroughly clear; if your knowledge does not come from the real source—you will never know who you are, you will remain forever a stranger to your true self. In This Lifetime I could show you my clenched fist and open it like this—and bid you all good night. Unfortunately, however, educated on this side of the Pacific, you Westerners are somewhat deficient in intuitive matters, and so I am forced to give as a substitute, dualistic explanations, though that’s not at all the way to express Zen. Man began by assuming that the things about which he wished to learn existed outside of himself Wondering what that is, he established so-called “science,” which is the study of thatness. Soon, however, he discovered that his science explained only how things are, not what they are, and so man turned inward. Seeking to understand what this is, he established psychology and epistemology. Together these constitute the study of thisness. But, paradoxically enough, when the mind itself thus became an object of study, it ceased being this and became that. The experience of true thisness had been rendered impossible by the very nature of man’s science (which can only understand thatness). Of course Zen monks in China and Japan do not traffic at all in thisness or thatness. Somehow they manage to live quite happily and peacefully, for all that! Do you want to know the trick? They dwell in the region of what is known as suchness.

p.s.   Would the last one out please turn off the light..  lol