Oct 19, 2003, 12:54 AM
I have been with my boyfriend for four years now... I am only 18, and we have never split up. When I was 16, we gave ourselves to each other. It used to be that we couldn't get enough of each other. Then, out of nowhere, i just stopped wanting ANYTHING. For about a year and a hlaf, i have had no libido what so ever. I don't want to fool around let alone have sex.
It isn't that he makes me feel bad, he constantly tells me how beautiful I am and that he loves my body and me. I do have issues with my body, but that still doesn't explain why i have had this drop-off.
I have researched and done everything I can think of. It isn't so much that I want to have sex... I just wwish I could have the desire to do a little foreplay. I feel so bad and he tells me that he feels like he isn't attractive to me anymore. Please Help Me. I am desperate.
+Steven Curtis Lance
Oct 19, 2003, 01:15 AM
Hello Selina, and welcome to the site!
By the way, I visited your poetry pages and enjoyed your work. I hope you enjoy mine, as well.
Forgive me for being so blunt, but it sounds to me like you might be tired of your boyfriend. You would probably have libido with somebody else. If you have been together since you were only fourteen or so, Good Lord, you really might just need a change!
My suggestion would be a trial separation and seeing other people. It's a big world, with a lot of guys in it; surely there must be someone who will bring back your libido.
I was married once, and this same thing happened to me. It happens. Now I am in a relationship where I could never imagine such a thing happening; I found the right one! This fellow might not be the right one. My first wife certainly wasn't the right one; indeed she was very much the wrong one. What a relief that is behind me now!
Why not shop around and explore the big world a little?
If you don't want to endanger your personal security, shop around on your own; check it out. How I wish I had met the one I love sooner... People just plain make mistakes, and get into the wrong relationships with the wrong people. One doesn't always get tired of one's partner, of course, but if one's partner is the wrong partner, then one does sooner or later. Better sooner than later, actually, so one can move on.
You haven't really seen much of the big world if you've been with this fellow since you were fourteen!
I would advise you to get out and about and find the magic again.
Life is short! Even when you're eighteen!
Again, welcome to the site. I am so happy you came to join us! We are very much the richer because you have come to be among us here.
AMO ERGO SUM
(That's my motto. Know what it means? It means "I love, therefore I am." Like Descartes "Cogito ergo sum," but instead of "think," the word is "love." Don't think about it, just do it. Feel it. I love, therefore I am.)
Oct 19, 2003, 09:23 AM
you sound like my wife ;D
Oct 19, 2003, 11:51 AM
Can I first of all welcome you to the site!
I do hope you enjoy your visits here.
Now then, libido??
Steve may be right about your steady boyfriend, but the first thing to determine is whether the problem is to do with your body or with your relationship!
If you are happy in all other respects about your relationship (bearing in mind that he has stayed with you with this difficulty), I would suggest a visit to your GP to just check if there is a medical cause for your situation. I know that it is easier to 'talk' on the web to strangers (please consider me at least as friendly, if not a friend), and you may not fancy talking to a doctor, but your whole life may be affected if there is some slight imbalance in your health, that may be quickly resolved.
I don't know what sort of things might be wrong; maybe hormone imbalance - only a qualified doctor will be able to tell you whether anything can be checked, and what can be done if something ought to be done.
This may not help you a lot but seems a sensible way forward to me. [you might also try searching in Google for websites discussing libido problems].
All the best, Bill. [and good luck]
Oct 19, 2003, 03:17 PM
[quote author=selina link=board=18;threadid=2987;start=0#msg14765 date=1066553699]
For about a year and a hlaf, i have had no libido what so ever. I don't want to fool around let alone have sex.
are you stressed out about other things in your life? do you deal with a lot of pressure or expectations from others? Sometimes, a lot of stress or pressure can dampen your libido. Have you tried watching erotic films with your bf? Do erotic films get you in the mood? YOu say that you have no libido for a year and a half? Does that mean you haven't had an orgasm in that long? How often do you have orgasm? I mean, is it that you don't like sex with others, or that you just don't like to orgasm at all? A little alcohol can sometimes pick up libido. Thinking erotic thoughts or watching erotic films can also do the trick.
What reasons can you think of for why you should have no libido? There must be some reason, right? What do you think it is?
Oct 19, 2003, 07:59 PM
Well I really appreciate the help you all have so graciously given to me!
I have thought about being tired of him, and tho this may be true to a point, I don't see how that would take away my ENTIRE libido! Then again, what do I know...it may very well do such a thing!
In mid-Noveber I will be leaving for basic training into the air force. Including my tech. schoo, I will be away from my home town for six and a half months. Honstley, I would love to use this opportunity to "see other people" but I know that it would kill him and he would feel totally betrayed. How do I know? I have attempted this propsition before, claiming that if we were truely meant to be that outside interests wouldn't hold water. Never the less, he is just so sensitive.
A far as what I think it may be that is causing such a horrific decline in my sex drive, I think that it may be because he doesn't 'do it' for me. By all rational explanations, he should. He is a great looking guy and tere is nothing wrong with him. I just find myself looking at other guys and thingking... impure thoughts...
Also, I am rediculously self-concious of my body so I am rally not up for exploring things. I do admit that erotic films definetley get me in the mood, but when i want to apply it to him, I am immediatley turned off.
And with an orgasm... I am not sure I have ever had one at all... so that probably means I have never had the pleasure of experiencing one. I have even tried masturbating to thinking about these guys who hit the spot for me, but then, just as soon as the feelings came over me, they disapear. I just can't make myself be sexual...very depressing...
ANy more help on the topic would be aesome. And I do think i should schedule a GP appointment--never thought of that...
And, thanx sooo much for complimenting my poetry. That is the only thing i don't turn down compliments on!
Oct 19, 2003, 10:54 PM
This is by far the most help I have ever gotten on this subject. I was worried that this all may be too time consuming for everyone to chime in and give me sound advice.
I am very sincerely greatful for this last little tid-bit of advice from you because it addressed all of my concerns. I will try to put these plans into action and hopefully things will end up the way... well, things always work themselves out, right??
Again, thank you so much for your help. And, if any one else has any advice to offer, please let me know!
***Considering that no one skipped out on length of advice for me, I will pay special attention that I give everyone else the same respect you all have given to me.***
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