To anyone who suffers from an eating disorder,

Do you find that you go through good and bad times with your condition?  Sometimes, are the good periods so strong that they feel like "remissions" from the disorder?

Lately, my long-term companion, Little Miss Ana, has been off my back.  I have no explanation; I'm just very, very grateful to have this break from Ana's tyranny.  My usual compulsions and (self-destructive) habits have faded, and I've actually spent the last few weeks eating like a "normal" person -- healthful meals when I'm hungry (including breakfast...what a concept!), and nothing weird or excessive.

I'm no longer naive enough to hope that I'm "cured" or in "recovery".  After all these years, I honestly believe that a true eating disorder never goes away.  I'm just so thrilled to have some relief from it, no matter how temporary this respite may be.

(I should be fair and tell you that I started the month of February with a zero-calorie, week-long fast, which is more indicative of my normal lifestyle.)

Hmmm, remission...uh, NOPE, not me. The only time I ever felt like I was eating normally was when I was trying to get pregnant, and when I WAS pregnant...after that, back to the usual ana habits!

Go with your remission, enjoy and hope it lasts!

Love, Dara

Dara,

I had the same experience with my pregnancies.  I remember eating three meals every day, having healthful snacks, counting my daily protein grams, keeping track of my food groups, etc.  This sort of behavior, of course, is extremely sane and non-ana/mia.

The responsibilities that come with starting a new life are tremendous and consequential; I guess they can overwhelm all sorts of bad habits.  After all, it's one thing if we, ourselves, behave self-destructively; it's quite another matter if we jeopardize our unborn children's safety and welfare.

I've known chain smokers who repeatedly fail at quitting but, when they become pregnant, have instant, cold-turkey abstinence.  I've seen the same thing happen to women with drinking problems.

As for my current "remission", I have no explanation, and I certainly don't know when Miss Ana will come back and reclaim me with her swift, punitive vengence.  I'll just enjoy this feeling for as long as possible.  I'm grateful for every moment in my life when ana backs off, no matter how brief or fleeting that moment may be.

XXOO
Lori

You got it girl...ENJOY! You deserve the time off from ana!

Love, Dara

I don't have complete remissions, but my ana varies according to what's going on in my life.  And it isn't just that I eat less when I'm sad or more when I'm happy; right now I want to look good for Silke, so I am eating rather less, I guess (hey, that rhymes!).  Compulsive exercise is my big thing these days; I'm getting these large muscles which burn up lots of calories by their very existence, and I find it really easy to exercise a lot because of them.  The exercise thing seems to work really well for me.  I have an absolute horror of having my stomach stick out like the cruel uncle who has always abused me, so I do hundreds of situps; if ever I am tempted to pig out, I just think of how devastating it would be for me to resemble my abuser.  Scared straight!