I have many questions that remian unanswered about my ED. Maybe someone here with an ED can help me...

I really want to know if I will ever see myself as others do. I HONESTLY have no clue how "thin" I am, others are aware, but I am not. I dont trust nor do I believe ANY of the people who tell me I need to gain weight or eat more. Is it possible I will ever see myself as others do? Has anyone with an ED like mine ever really gotten over it? I am so scared, I think I will be like this forever, and it is ruining my life. I know I have responsibilities, and I dont want to hurt anyone who loves me, but I just CANNOT seem to be "normal". I cannot eat normal, see myself normal, I am just about FED UP with life in general!

Sorry for this gloomy message. I will understand if nobody wants to reply to me, this post is pretty pathetic! :-/ :'(

Dara, your post isn't pathetic at all.  You've articulated some very complex questions that are lacking in neat, simple answers.

I'm not sure I can address all of the issues you've raised, but I do have a strong opinion about one of them:  I've never met anyone who's truly "gotten over" a true ED.

After more than 33 years of this hell, I honestly believe that "recovery" is a myth.  All of my attempts to recover (and, believe me, I've tried everything) ended in failure, disappointment, and an even deeper sense of anguish.  I've had much better success by embracing my ED and making efforts to live my life around it.  I know I'll never have a "normal" relationship with either food or my own self-image, so it's healthier for me to accept my condition and do my best to stay alive in spite of it.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.  It sounds as if ana/mia's treating you viciously right now.  Please know that my thoughts are with you.

XXOO Lori

Thanks Lori,

I think you brought up a good point, that people with TRUE ED's never really recover! I have lived like this for 16 years now, and it is just so crazy.
Yeah, ana is really in control right now, and I am having a hell of a time with my family and firends...but I am sure you can relate. I just dont know what I am supposed to do about this. Everyone says the famous, "Just EAT" line to me, but as you know, it IS not that easy. Well, thanks for the post. It helps to talk about this with someone who knows what it is like, and wont judge me for my ED!

Love, Dara

Dara,

No, You probably won't ever see yourself as others see you.  I never have, and I am assuming that I probably never will.  I also concur with you that you may recover for a while, but it will never completely go away.  I was "recovered" for several years before ana surfaced again.  I know it's depressing and it's not pretty, but that's the way it is.  I'm just proud of you for having dealt with it and being the strong person that you are for living with it as you do.

Much love and think thin,

Danielle