ok well i serilusy know and tihnk well ok i KNOw i need to lose weight, my frends all say oh you dont need to you dont weigh much and when i tell them how much i wiegh they "act" surprised.. wel  damnit i know im fat i mean shit im so fat im NOT even gonna tell you guys how much i wiegh lol you would al like be like weeelll damn bllock her from this sight, i mean shit why dont i just go jion a circus and be the fat lady, i wouldnt have to work much for it.. damn.. lol i just was wodneing if you people had ANY ideas about dieting? bcuz jeez ive tried tihngs and.. well the last thing i wanna try would be ya know bulimia and anorexia, (tho it  could let me die YAY) bcuz im scared to bcuz i mean couldnt people tell? the smell in your mouth? and isnt it gross like watching it? i mean i cn make myself throw up SOO easy. but.. i dont know.. and anorexia damnit my mom wuld make me eat but i think i could go without dinner.. i mean ok breakfast i have watever my g-mpa fixes me, and then iu COULd go into the bathroom  start my shower and then throw up, not hard well school i dont eat lunch so tahs good, and then my mom brings sncaks for me after school bcuz i have school again and then practice so i could eat it and then  just be like sharolette ( thas the teacher) can i go to the bathroom please, and the bathroom is WAY over away and so no one would see me of hear me.. and when i get home i wouldnt have to eat dinner... welll..i just wanna know would people smell it? or like could they tell? ROze

damnit im a failure.. lol i mean jeez.. i just wanna know also is there anyway to make yourself throw up o mean like any speail way.. bcuz i treid and i cant.. tho i hadnt eaten for two hours.. is that maybe why.. i dont know.. please help me.. im desperate and i need help.. please.. Roze

Roze,

Dieting may be you r answer. I don't think throwing up will be a solution foro you. DIet and exercise is what I reccomend. Having an ED is not glamerous, is not healthy, and it is NOT SAFE! Please, if you indeed need to lose weight, go on a safe diet, and exercise plan.

Spoken form a girl with anorexia...


Love,
Dara

yea.. i..i know i know it's bad for me, and i know its not like awesome or anything, but i've tried diets, and exoricse (sp) but im tired of everyone including my family making fun of how i look, andhow im fat, and that im lazy. im not i try and i SERIOUSLY do try.. ihave been but all i do is gain weight.. i jsut want it gone.. and i cant tihnk of any other way cept this.. and... it'll work i know ti will and once i get down ill stop... but.. i ... i dont know hwo to do it i mean i cant make msyelf it dont work.. i trhink... rOze

I'm in the same boat as Roze. I don't think I'm what you would call "fat" but I definetly need to lose weight. We have a fitness gym thing and all but I can't get up enough will power to use it. I'm always so bored all I do is sit on my butt. My mom doesn't have enough B12 in her body so she gets shots for that and she thinks I have it but I always tell her i'm fine. Because I'm really really really really really scared of needles so I don't wanna get my blood drawn or get shots. But I'm sick of being so lazy all the time. and I don't eat breakfast and for lunch I have chips and I know chips aren't healthy at all, they're just making me fatter but I'm to lazy (there's that word again) to get lunch tickets.
Ann.
P.S. Roze!!!!!!Don't go anerexic or Bulimic! Its not safe! and in the end its just worse than if you hand't done it in the first place.

actually ann it owuld work..i mnea if you tihnk about it.. and if you EVER tell my mom I'M tihnking about it, i swear to god i will hate froever.. i have to ann.. i just have to do this.. for me.. i need to be thin. ill exorcsie at home, (by myslef) but i have to... i NEED to.. ROze
P.S. any exorcise for my ass? lol its humungus!

they're called but flexes roze! lol. and if you actually exercise instead of just walking in PE and stuff and sitting at the puter all day (not that i have room to talk) it would help alot! you don't need an ED to make it all better. run on the treadmill your grandpa got or walk to my house everyday! lol. do the exercises in PE and all taht. What do you have to lose? just try it before you go ED on me k?
Ann

i tried.. and i don run in pe bcuz i always get made fun of.. i hear you guys talk about daneille.. and if i ran that would be me.. nd thas even WORSE then being FAT! i hate that.. and so i do it in private. when i walk on the treadmill both gmpa gma tommy AND my mom make fun of me and say how i NEED to lose wieght.. i tried and i can do exorsizes too. ut dang my ass is SO fat lol ROze

People make fun of danielle cuz she's a jerk and nobody likes her. it also looks like she doesn't wear a bra. I know its mean but thats why. They wouldn't make fun of you roze! and if they do just beat them up jk. it will be fine. they don't make fun of heather or me or anybody else just danielle. and you never run in pe so how would you know? just try. jog w/ us tomorrow it'll be fun! ;D if i can do it so can you lol.
Ann

;Dhaha i know..thas why I dont run .. my tits are so fuckin big its embaresing!!! lol!! jk.. wel okk its true.. but tahs why i dont run.. you guys dont have boobies lol jus lil ones.. and so no on makes fun of you for taht.. i gotta try it ann.. i have to.. i just HAVE to.. i have to be thin, i hav o be liked, and i have to most of all.. be loved.. ROze

Roze I can name so many people that love you! they won't love you more just because your skinny. and if they don't love you now but they do then they're just shallow people. I mean...look at the people at school...the only reason half the skinny people are popular is because they'll sleep w/ anyone! I don't think you wanna be like that do you? I don't know but roze like Dara said Diet and exercise will work. please just try it...please?
Ann

Roze...it doesn't work that way. its like a drug you get addicted. you just keep wanting to get skinnier and skinnier. and besides...you're mom will find out sooner or later and you'll be in the hospital hooked up to a whole bunch of IV's. you don't get the nutrition you need and sooner or later you're body will stop functioning. and if you go long enough w/ out food and stuff the acid in your stomache will it wholes in its lining. if youw anna cut off so much of your food why don't you try a veggie diet or something? nothing but veggies and juice or slim fast or something? that has to be better than being in the hospital....
ann

Not to me it dont.. i look like i wiegh EVERYONE of those pounds.. and i hate it.. if i lose it im good.. if i get down to 120 which i will i will be happy.. thas all i wanna lose ann.. thas ahundred pounsd! at least.. do you konw how hard that would be if i stil ate? this way i get eth food i want, and i lose weight..ROez

Roze do you really want to end up in the hospital w/ a bunch of IV's in you? The healthy way may take longer but its more beneficial in the long run and I know you know that. And Roze I would be happy if I weighed 120 too. The only reason I don't is because I'm to lazy to do anything. and what happened to you wanting me to help you w/ your diet?

ya i did.. i do.. i mnea ill stil eat right ill just throw it up.. lol and.. who cares if i end up in the hospital? lol i dont.. at leastt ill be thin.. Roze

Roze,

If you eat and throw it up, you wont lose weight...not 100 lbs. Please, believe me! I have been in HELL all my life over my ED. It is living HELL. Right now I am feeling like giving up on it all. I am so tired of living like this...nothing works to make me happy. No mater how much I lose, it is NEVER EVER EVER enough. To be safe, i would suggest eating healtyh foods, drink TONS of water...and exercise. Even if you walk, walk 3-4 miles per day. Then start to jog in between walking. It iwll change your life. You will lose and be healthy. Start NOW, make the decision to lose and you WILL. Saying you are not going to eat if you really have to lose 100 lbs, that is not realistic. You would not be able to live that long dear. You would not lose the weight either. Start by eating healthy, drinking water, and exercising...you wil see, it will work! Just stick to it!

I wish you luck.

Love,
Dara

i know.. and that wat everyone says. but since i was little i have been FAT and i wanna be tihn.. thrwing up works for people.. why the hell not me?! i dont care how i turn out RIGHT NOW i wanna be thin.. and i would give ANYTHGIN to be thin,,,,,,, Roze

Well, all I can say is that I hope for your sake, that when you ARE thin, you wil be happy.
People think I am SOOO lucky. I hear it all the time. "You are so lucky to be so thin, you can eat whatever you want". If they only knew. I am not lucky, I am not HAPPY.  To me, I am NOT thin enough to be happy.

Oh, I am having a bad day, I will shut up right now!

Good luck and all my love,
Dara

no no no no.. you dont need to shut up really.. i just know.. i wll be happy and thas all iwant.. i can see myself prety or thin but i am neither one, u could get a bf if i was thin and i would be happy.. but im not.. i ugly and stuypid and not hppy.. and FAT.. i just wanna be thin since i cant change my lookz.. ya know?? why cant i throw up?  i tried but it wont do it.. rOze

I dont know why ROze, I don't throw up, so I can't help you there! Did you drink water? DId you eat? Maybe tehr is nothing to throw up? I wish I could help!

Love,
Dara

well. thas wta i was tihnking bcuz i hadnt eaten for more then two hours.. that why right?? bcuz ussualy i can throw up.. i used to ROze

2 hours is too long to wait....

yea.. thas wat i tohught so i have to start tomorrow.. how long wouldi wait? like.. irght after.. right?

Wow... Ok from what I know about dieting and stuff if you don’t need to diet, you need to change the way you eat for the rest of your life. Anorexia or bulimia is not the answer. They both teach your body to store fat, and when you stop you will gain that weight back so fast you wont know what hit you. If you really want to go on a diet ask your parents to take you to a nutritionist! The doc will help you loose the weight in a safe way that will not be detrimental to your health. As far as your family making fun of you when you try to exercise tell them it hurts you when they make those disparaging comments. (OOOH! big words make them listen! ;D)

Plz. dont turn to Anorexia or Bulimia!

i.. iknow that .. and i have reserached at wrote a paper on it, and thoguht about HOW dumb those people were, couldnt they see they were thin already, ihave thoguht about all this.. and that isthe ONLY thing that is making it hard for me to do this.. i just.. NEED to lose weight and 've tried dieting, ive tried exorcise ive treid dieting and exorcise nothing works, but if i throw up the food ill get wat i want and still be thin... i know i will.. and Ann go eahd and tell the truth.. you know im fat.. i mean damnit just fuckin look at me.. thas why i get NO bf.. talton was all kristina i like you but your to overweigt for me to go out wit.. thas wat all the guys say about me, that and im gross. if iw asnt fat i wouldnt be gross

Well, Geez Roze...I am NOT dumb at all. I have a BA in special education and am working towards my Masters degree. I am actually considered intelligent. But I hope this informeation will help you realize that us people with ED's are NOT dumb, we have intelligence, just a perception problem. I percieve myself to be much bigger than I am in reality.

I have the same feelings about  myself, about my body, that you have about yours. I only hope that when you do lise the weight, you are satisfied with it...

Good luck and all my love,
Dara, the not so dumb anorexic...

no no no i dont mean your dumb. and i DIDNT mean your dumb thas wat i THOUGHT i dont think that at alll but people like my neighboor who is like 5'2 and weighs MAYBE 80 pounds tihnks she is fat.. thas pisses me off. if she tihnks SHE is fat.. wat does she think about me? ROze

OK, well, I get that too. I dont tell people I know that I think I am fat. I just DONT do it...because of what you are saying exactly.
I dont judge others by their weight., I NEVER look at anyone and say, EEEwww, look at him or her. I just DONT DO IT! One major thing to understand and remember about ED's is that it is all about control. Me controling ME, nothing to do with you , or anyone else or how fat or thin they may be.

Maybe you should tell your neihgbor that she hurts your  feelings when she makes comments like that.

Bye for now!
Love,
Dara

yea.. i will tell her but she stops for awhile and then does it again.. oh wel she like my brother over me anyways.. eveyrone does.. bcuz he is THIN and athletic.. mostly the only reason i WANT to do it.. not saying i will bcuz im going to try another deit and if that dont work... but mostly just bcuz i wanna fit in, not be the oddball, or have people say things like omg roze is a fuckin whale roze is so fuckin huge when im walking down the hall.. it embareses me.. and ..i dont kolik itROze

People are mean and cruel...I used to be called, "Ethopia", "Skeleton" and "Anorexia", when I was in grammer school. Yes, those names hurt me terribly. I was the thinnest kid in the whole school, and they all let me know I was the oddball. See Roze, We may be at teh opposite ends of the spectrum, but it hurts just the same when you are made fun of...

I am sorry they do that to you in school. All I CAN say, is that it gets better when you are not in school anymore. Poeple are more mature in the "real world". Hang in there girl!

Love,
Dara

yea.. i can try.. haha i really will.. i will try i will try not to care.. i will try to cry and i WILL try.. id ontknow lol.. but i know i wont make fun of other people..and im SO sorry people made fun of you for being thin.. were you anorexic back in grade school and stuff?

Well, it all started when I developed this swallowing porblem around 11 years old. I couldnt eat without choking, so I decided to not eat at all. I was thin to begin with, but not eating just made me look like a concentration camp victim. My family was nuts, my mother was overweight all my life, so all I EVER heard form my father was terrible things abou t my mothers weight. THen I got real thin and all of a sudden the dr told me if I didnt eat they would hospatalize me, so I started to eat, but then I was scared to gain weight. SOOO, it didnt conciouslly start as a diet or anything, but form then on, I have ALWAYS been extra thin, and my ED developed and progressed throughout the years. Miserable, difficult, terribly hard way to live your life, I tell you. Even my own family woyuld make fun of me when I was a kid, about my thinness. THen I got it at school too...

Oh well, those school days are over, thank GOD!

So, that is the short of my LOOOONG story!

Love,
Dara

i am SO sorry.. that would be horirble to be like that and have peopel tease you!!! omg you wuld tihnk if someoen was like that someone would actyully try and help them! not fuckin oooooh that makes me SO AMD !!

Kids are mean, what can you say. It's ok, thanks for caring though. BUT I do believe all the messages I got growing up abou tmy mother's weight from my father, and my mother telling me to NEVER get fat...combined with the abuse in my house, it all was a perfect equation to result in me having an ED.

So, here I am, as I have always been, strugglung with my weight, struggling to live...it is all so hard sometimes, you know?

Take care of yourself, will ya?

Love,
Dara

ya.. iknow wat you mean.. and i feel thee same way sometimes.. of course im gong to care wabuot you lol and wat happened i like you lol wel i love you as a frend) just had to make sure you understood that.9lol) and if you died or anything i wouldc ry andpeople could laugh at me and i could kick their ass and get suspened:)soud good? but only IF you die, cuz.. you wont.. you wont you wont you wont.. and yea i tihnk tahs who you ended up wit an ed.. i dont know.. i can try to take care of myself. i dont know why i was scaed.. its not alll that bad.. ROze

I'VE LOST FOUR POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!! FROM WAT I DONT KONW! BUT I LOST FOUR POUNDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D ;D

Congrats to you girl! WAY TO GO..I must say I am QUITE JEALOUS! I wish I lost 4 lbs too... :'(

Keep it up!

Love,
Dara

oh i am SO SO SO SO SO SSO SO SO happy..cept wit my gmpa it is sooo hard bcuz he alwasy makes me eat hgis breaskfast..  cuz.. "its the most important meal of the day" and so im all pleasee and they say YOU HAVE TO and so i eat and then go throw it up.. its not taht bad throwing up i mean.. and then i dont eat lunch, or dinner (i told my mom i wasnt eating after 6 oclock and i dont even get home till 7 so she dont know) and then when my mom gives me snacks i throw it away.. i know its wastfull but it that or thriw emup.. right?? and i do exorcsie everynight doing like 40 or 50 situps and about 80 leg lifts each and lift weights and run in place and jumpo and YAYA i might be tihn after allROze

Exercise helps, and please remember to DRINK WATER!!!! VERY IMPORTANT, ok? Please?

Roze, where there is a will, there is a way. Good luck my friend,and stay safe!

Love,
Dara

yay lol .. i was wodnering.. is it true you can pass out from this?? ucz.. well today i kidna felt like dizzy but i menai cant after only like two days wirte? thas kinda scary.. but.. i got so frustarted wit myself bcuz i felt like i wass all dizzy and shti and then i cut mywrists AGAIN more then once lik about seven tiems (not REALLY bad but.. bad enuf to bleed alot) and then on the top of mya rm twice i was SOO mad and i dont know why i mena latley i cant handle anything and everything is gong wrong andi dont know wat to do... there is this guy there (his name is trever and hes pretty hott but i itnhk he likes rachel) and he was all wats wrong? it was when i was dizzzy so i sat down to setlle mself, and then i was all.. nothing and he was alli lov ethe way you smile and say nothign then go back to being mean.. i was like.. uh.thanx all lik trying not to cry bcuz i mean damn ive never had a HOTT guy be ncie bfore and ic ant handle it ROz
But most of all. i wanna know can you really pass out from this?

You could pass out, you could die...go on some websites for bulemia and research it, ok? Just remember to drink plenty of fluids...it is important. I think to lose a significant amount of weight, that you are going about this all wrong, but then again, who am I to talk? I go about my whole life wrong...

I will say is again, I thnk exercise and a healthy diet are the way to go, but you do you need to, ok? Be safe.

Love,
Dara

yea well.. i did do some looking up on ED bcuz i had to write a aper on it and so i looked up a whole bunch on it... but i mena i knew you could pas out but i didnt know you could do it so fast.. ya know... i mean.. i geuss if i did then maybe people would pay attetion and notice something i wrong wit me and im sad and.. well.. you know.. but.. i lost another pound and half! Rize

Roze,
Is that what you are looking for? People to notice how hurt and sad you are? I am sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Just know that this cuold just add to your problems, not make them vanish.

Love,
Dara

no.. i want people to leave me alone..i relaly do.. i mean a counsler at school saw them........ and she said she is telling my mom... and she is going to tell EVERY teacher and i will get no privacy and damnit im scared of wat my mom will say.. i mean is not like i cut BAD just... alot.. and kinda deep... enuf to bleed alot.. but yea.. and no one but two people (besides this forum) know about my eating thing.. andi mean its not an ED i just wanna lose weight. i just wannt to.. and so far ivesgot like 5 lbs in 3 days! and im happy i am SO happy.... im estactic... tho... im gettin dizzy.. lol i aint ddrank anything yet todya.. oh well maybe ill die!!!!!! ROze :-*

Do you ever feel tempted to eat?? i mean like.. bcuz ur bored.. even tho you dotn want to.. i mean i havent.. but.. ROze

Dara.. you were right.. its not the way to go and it did cause me more porblems then i needed... i mean i was so happy to lose like 5 pounds in 3!! get that 3! days.. but.. then i got all weak and almost pased out and.. scared.. and i talked to my mom.. and she made me eat.. i feel horrible about eating.. but.. i get it.. i mean.. i cant be like that... ROze

Roze,
I am just glad you are ok. I hope you can go about losing the weight in a safer manner. Keep me updated, ok?

Love,
Dara

ya i will.. and im kinda glad too  i guess.. love you ROze