Finding Out

Once it was one and when one was another
The mother of my mother then the other
Though I was always one alone together
Twice it was one again but myself another then
Myself and not myself as I remember

And where were you? I wish I had known whether
Taking first and making second opportunities
You may have recognized me as you or not
If your April remembered when my December
Once brought them to their feet then twice fought me to my knees

Now to me you seem to be the me I forgot
Once but I remember you now marveling how
Losing all is liberating when you find out
Once then twice now thrice about this lonely mystery
That always is because it was only what will be

And where was I? Between what was and what was not
Once believing thinking twice beginning to doubt
But if the third time is the charm no harm finding out
Reaching for each other though never having known
Who we were lonely for being only all alone

Mindful one is always all in ways like these
Any of the many finding out by threes and
Finding out what all that talk of magic was about
Mindful all is one through such lonely mysteries
As these I never understood only always knew

Only now finding out how lonely without you
Waiting in the darkness between now and then
Ending waiting for the beginning to begin
Reaching for each other unknown and unseen
Reaching out believing in us through doubt between

Looking for each other it took awhile to see us
And to realize our eyes could see us again
You in me and me in you but now I understand
Finding you now finding out how you were looking too
Finding us we find ourselves lonely to be us

Finding you now finding out how you know what we mean
When we are the meaning now again and again
Finding out the past at last was only what will be
Clearer in the mirror when here and now is how
When now is all we ever have never minding then

Finding out we find ourselves each other I find
What I forgot ahead but you remembered behind
I find myself about to find out what to do
When you are me then I am you seeing us come true
Finding in each other how finding out now

+Steven Curtis Lance



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