Ok how many of you here agree words can hurt just as much as being punched in the face? ??? I was in an abusive relstionship and there were times I wished my guy would have punched me in the face instead of saying some of the things he said! I thought I should post a thread to let you all no no abuse is acceptable but many times in a relationship emotional and or mental abuse are overlooked because most of the times victims are quiet about their abusers and we tend to push alot of the hurt down. We have no physical bruising or scars but deep within we are battered sometimes beyond repair! I know this all well because I was a victim of all forms of abuse. ??? :'( I twas my first long relationship I was in and I stayed thinking thisw as my only chance at true happiness I was gravely  wrong! :'( There are signs to look for if you are being abused. First you need to know it is never your fault I had the sh*t kicked out of my self esteem destroyung my values beliefs and who I was I didn't care I only wanted love and I was winllin got do anything to get it but now I learned the hard way! I learned  I am worthy of love! and I don't deserve to be treated as I was being treated so without further adue I hope I can offer some light onto this dark subject of cruelty! :'(
Everyone is deserves to be loved and not robbed of self worth dignity or self respect.


If a guy acts like this BEWARE! he is not a real MAN!

tries to keep you isolated thinks you only belong to him
wants you all to himself doesn't want you visiting family or friends! Robs you of your life threatens you if you want to go somewhere. Makes you feel like a child you feel you need to ask his permission or his approval.....

First noone should ever keep yu isolated and away from family and friends bein in a relationship should be a part of your life but not your whole life You SHOULD be given room to be your own person and to do the things you enjoy and be with friends and family!
Here's a line

If you leave don't EVER bother coming back! or

what are you doing talking to that "other" guy you belong to me!

or why are you spending so much time with your friends

Hell no......last  I checked there was no leash hooked to your neck!


Being made to feel stupid, not supportive of dreams desires and goals wants things his way and his way alone! Being made to feel guillty

"if you don't start buckling down in college you will end up being stupid and working at Mickey D's all your life"
or if you wern't going to school we wouldn't be having all this trouble..... ???

This is NOT motivation no matter what he may say!

and if a guy grabs your arm and pulls you backwards

or throws you up against the wall while you are on crutches because your zipper on your jacket got stuck!! It is time to get out!!!

If a guy leaves you home for hours at a time with no food in the house.......get out it's not worth it

If a guy who is close to you sexually assualts you and your boyfriend says it's your fault....LEAVE!!! Please

A relationship is not one sided and you should not be the one making all the sacrafices if a guy expects you to pay all his bills time to pack your bags and move on

LOVE is a two way street both sides should be making sacrafices. and um you can't buy love with a check book!

It is not Give Give so he can TAKE TAKE only to give nothing back :-/

These were real examples used from a "real" relationship These facts are true and I am a survivor!! :'(


More later!


Love always
Chrissy

You go girl! I have never been with a guy who has done this to me, but I have seen  someone very close to me go thru it. It sucks! Keep bein an inspiration to people. Never settle for less than the best!

first off i am sorry to hear that you had to experience that-i have not been in a relationship w/ someone who was emotionaly abusive-but my "father" however was-to me and my Mom......

the things you pointed out to look for are good-too many women just shun off the abuse as "he had a bad day" or "well he didn't mean it"...some don't recognize emotional abuse

here's a few things that a local domestic violence shelter by me gives out to make people more aware-as you said SILENCE it our major enemy-people need to speak out abou the abuse-i know it's hard-but once you begin to talk about it-it helps
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FORMS OF EMOTIONAL BATTERING

INSULTS~constant and/or extreme criticisims that emotionally injure your personal, emotional, sexual, professional, and/or other selves. Insults can greatly undermine your self-confidence and eventually emotionally cripple you

REJECTIONS~direct or indirect statements that create feelings of unworthiness.  Constant insults and rejections teach the victim that they are not worthy of recieving loving behavior.  Rejections can be used as punishment for not cooperating w/ an abusive partner. Abusers may also deliver a rejection in an attempt to justify their anger towards the victim. In distorted reverse logic, if you are not worthy of love, then the abuser is not obligated to act lovingly toward you

EMOTIONAL THREATS AND ACCUSATIONS~direct or indirect statements stating an intent to cause emotional or physical harm; or to create emotional loss to yourself or those you love, depen upon, or are responcible for.  THis includes the abuser lying about your behavioe, attitudes or emotional state to anyone else in such a way that you cannot defend yourself

EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL~a statement or behavior that uses your fear, guilt, insecurity or confusion to trap you into giving the abuse power over you.  Most victims prefer their private lives where no public information and to an already terrorized person, an emotional blacmail can force them to give the abuser a "blank check" on their lives

CRAZY MAKING STATEMENTS AND BEHAVIOR~distort reality and destroy the possibility of honest comminication.  they are also effective devices for increasing confusion and insecurity. some examples are:
~saying and meaning r doing another
~acting as if you are ignorant about something you know a lot about
~stating a lie as if it were a known truth
~stating a lot of good intentions that are never followed thru on

~NOT TAKING SERIOUSLY, BEING IGNORED AND NEGLECTED~another way to undermine a person's self-esteem.  Having requests ignored and needs denied can be emotionally painfull enough to make you doubt you knowledge and judgement about yourself and others.  It is another way saying that you are unimportant and don't deserve fair treatment.

SOCIAL AND SEXUAL PREJUDICE~added to all the other forms of emotional battering suffered from, they also live in a society that precieves women as helpless, emotionally immature, and often irrational creatures.  This means if they successfully struggle to break free of an abusive situation or relationship, they have just started in their attempts to be treated fairly and loved sincerely



SILENCE IS THE ENEMY AND ONLY HIDES THE HORRORS OF ABUSE-IN ORDER TO END IT WE HAVE TO SPEAK OUT AGAINST IT

SIGNS OF A BATTERER

someone who tells you what to do(bossy, they don't ask they tell you what to do)

someone who feels they have a right to infringe upon your personal space

someone who talks/acts violently

someone who doesn't accept you as you are

someone who insists onhelping you want help(trying to take control)

someone who puts women down

someone who has no respect for women

someone who claims to care about you but flirts w/ other women in your presence

someone who is insecure

someone who constantly brags

someone who feels they have the right to sexually touch you when they don't know you

someone who questions your every move

someone who continues to invade your personal space even after you have asked them not to

somsone who puts you on a pedistal and then knock you down

someone who harrasses you on the street (whistling, name calling, propsitionaing)

someone who doesn't call you by your name

someone who puts you down in public

someone who considers women as property

someone who forces you to do things sexually

someone who says "i'll never hit a women" or "I'll never take you for granted"

someone who jokes about things that make you uncomfortable (sexual jokes, anti-women jokes, threatening harm)

someone who doesn't care about your sexual needs

someone who wants sex b4 they even get to know you

someone w/ pipe dreams, smooth talker, makes promises and doesn't follow thru

someone who does something for you and then expects payment

someone who is self-centers and inconsiderate

someone who lies

someone who says "trust me"

someone who drinks, becomes bossy, violent. moody

someone who embarrasses you when they have been drinking or when they are sober

someone who acts insecure and needy and then becomes abusive

someone who compairs you to someone else

someone who tries to get you to drink when you don't want to

someone who parties a lot and puts you down because you choose not to
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all the info i have posted in from an org. calle Equinox-if you need help please cotact them....even if you are not in their area they can direct you to a place closer to you to recieve help



Equinox Domestic Violence Services

Phone
434-6135
 
Contact Person
Kathleen Magee  
E-mail  kmagee@equinox.org  

Address
306 Central Avenue
Albany, NY 12206  

Goals of
Organization
Equinox Domestic Violence Services offers counseling and support groups for sheltered and non-sheltered clients.  Counseling focuses on empowering individuals to help them develop choices, explore options for violence free living, develop support systems, and build self-confidence.  Equinox operates a 15-bed emergency shelter for women and their children.  



here's a link to NYS domestic violence resources-again if this is not in your area they can help you to find help closer to you
http://www.serve.com/zone/everyone/resource.html