Joel was a man beloved.
Beloved to his wife, beloved to his son
beloved even to the men in his charge
Joel was a carpenter, a master craftsman
His crew numbered a dozen men
Joel’s openness disarmed enmity
Joel’s strength encouraged vigor
Joel’s humor lightened burdens
all this was Joel,
but this was Joel before the trouble
before the accident
Which some said was bound to happen
before the illness
Which some said was, tragically, an answered prayer
and before the loss
Which most everyone said
there was nothing he could have done about it

Joel’s trouble began with his son.
In his son’s fourteenth summer, they were together
climbing the mountains beyond the river
they left together and they returned together
and when they returned
Joel was carrying his son in his arms
Joel walked slowly, blindly
his son was already dead and lost to him
as Joel entered into the village
the village entered into their mourning
they rallied around him and asked
“Joel, what happened?”
Joel could only manage to say, “He fell.”

The anguished wail of Joel’s wife
was a knife blade slashed to the heart of every soul
within the sound of it.
Joel or his wife would never return
from the mourning of their loss
In the times to come,
the village would do all they could
to return them to their life among the community
But their change of heart was so complete
so irrevocable, so abrupt that
some villagers felt a growing fear of the mourning
that had taken the life out of both of them


The arrangements of the funeral were taken up
by their friends and neighbors
The proscribed rites were observed
the prayers were chanted
the ceremonies were initiated
All through the proceedings
Joel and his wife did not speak to each other
they did not touch one another
they did not look each other in the eye
except for one glance
as their sons body was being lowered into the earth
Joel’s glance found the eyes of his wife
and what he saw there struck him in the chest
and cut the breath from his throat
he looked upon the coldness seething behind her eyes
her gaze was barren of life
save for one terrible thing
accusal



From then on, Joel was a man lost
even in his own life he was lost
his eyes found nothing familiar
nothing belonged in its place
The night came to the village
and the darkness did not belong
it was a strange and awful sight
In the ninth hour of the darkness
Joel rose and walked alone
he left the village for the open fields
He stood beneath the cold silent stars
he stood defiantly before the silence
then he spoke to the silence
his words were spoken through clenched teeth
his voice was a rasp
as if his throat was being choked


Lord
Lord, I ask You to bear what I cannot
I ask You to bear my witness
for this is the day of my gladness

Behold Lord
I am a man
and I have been made to know gladness
and the Lord has made me so

Look with favor upon my works
for this day I have sent my son before me
into the earth
this is my gladness-
that my son goes before me

and where he has gone
my spirit goes with him
now I know gladness

before You O Lord
and before all the sons of Abraham
and all the fathers of the sons
as they are blessed
so am I blessed
this gladness
is the mark of my blessing
and in every son and father
that passes before my eyes
I shall see my blessing before me
and I shall rejoice

O Lord,
his face is turned from me
even in my memory
his face is turned
I do not see him
I cannot remember his face
Lord
who will help me remember his face?
What would You have me do?
Shall I call to my son
as You called to Adam?
“My son, answer to me,
where are you,
where have you gone?”

I have my answer
in silence I know my gladness


I am glad for the Lord Most High
with thankfulness I know I am beneath You

I am thankful to know my stumbling
shall not trouble Your exalted presence

I give thanks that what is miserable in me
shall not stain Your glory
I am glad for the Lord this day

Behold
my gladness is greater than I
I cannot lift it
I cannot begin to move it

I shall leave it here
it is my offering Lord
all that I have I leave to You
I leave my poor offering
before Your riches

Behold Lord
I shall not speak again of this gladness
from this day on
I shall speak only from my lips
but what I say from the heart
-Lord as my witness-
these words are my last

Joel turned his back and returned to the village