walking into the creases of last year

i remember strawberries on my lips
and sugar on my skin
walking barefoot hand in hand with you
streaming life from enhanced smiles
tripping acid in the park
and waiting for dark to count the stars
i remember beaches and sticky sweet sun
wrestling in the water with you
and you'd always let me win
dancing the the over-bass speaker systems
twirling till i was dizzy with noise
i remember how you'd talk
like you knew beyond everything
like you had the moon dripping from your tongue

i would always watch those fire pulsing eyes
i would always watch that honey brown skin

almost like a thunderclap you left
moving to be closer to the sun
although i would have sworn
you took the sun with you

after months of scrubbing memories away
with tears and whispered sobs
after months of being gone
you've returned again

and like a lightning bolt electrifying my spine
i am paralyzed with you

caitiff,

This is an awesome piece!

Try it while omiting the phrases 'I remember'
I think this phrase repeatedly halts the momentum of the recollections
The flowing dreaming quality of those impressions are superb.

Also, the title, try, 'Walking the creases of last year'

this piece has all the elements of fine poem.
imagery, a sense of season, a contrast of writing forms,
(corresponding to the content) and a momentum to the piece,
and the emotional sway.

What I would love to see is more about the 'after months...'
Delve into those months, as you did the earlier recollections.
Fill out this part of the piece, this would postpone the climax of the final verses.

S.

If I were to be blind dated with anyone on this site, I would choose you Caitiff. You seem like my type. Your poetry always makes simple sense and I like that because it has such impact. I like the impact to hit me like an arrow straight to the heart.

I've had this choking love. I know exactly what you mean.

That was an amazing piece

I love the way you use your words..

sticky sweet sun,
the moon dripping from your tongue,
honey brown skin.

the poem is just so captivating.

Good work...