Why do I even leave
Go to places I don’t enjoy
There’s nothing for me there
No love that I will find
All the people are the same
All break and crush my heart
Nothing new nothing different
I want to find someone to be with
Someone who understands
A person who I can talk with
And have a connection
But also be able to joke with
Laugh play games and enjoy life
There is no one like that with me now
I can’t see her face no matter where I look.
I saw a girl today
My breath was lost
She stopped my mind
My thoughts turned directly towards her
Words bounced off my ear and fell into my food
For those moments she was all I saw
I would have given anything to speak to her
And I began to move
But I was stopped in my chair
For I knew the outcome
I knew the pain I would cause her
I knew the pain she would cause me
And I left it as that
A moment of greatness
For all I have from her is the joy of her presence
And nothing can change my mind
To me she is eternally beautiful.
I leave despite my minds warnings
I go out with the same people again
People I love and friendships I treasure
Yet I feel a yearning inside
They are all coupled
Being around lovers always creates sickness
When you yourself are alone
I sit on the bed drink in my hand
I stare blankly at the white wall
Laughter can be heard around me
I pay no attention
I leave them also.
Again I journey
Upon a path that no one else can take
Only my thoughts and backpack come with me.
I arrive among friends again
People I know and people I do not
All ready I feel an excitement a change a hope
Something different might be here for me
I am mistaken,
A goddess stands drinking the liquid of kings
A rabbit sits laughing with joy
A joker sings and dances defiantly
I am left pistol in pocket and hat tipped down
My thoughts race and crash
I think back to the girl earlier
I smile to myself,
As time passes
The goddess stains her white gown
The rabbit sits inhaling cancer
The joker hides from the light and reality
My drink is almost gone
I have one left
But what will one more do
What’s the point when there is no one to enjoy it with.
I bid the goddess and rabbit farewell
I follow the joker who is surrounded by insects
Again I come to a familiar room
But familiarity is not my prime objective
We eat and drink
We talk and laugh
All is well
Then the lights go and some of the insects drop
The joker begins to sing
Words I have never heard before but speak brilliantly
A butterfly begins to sing with him
I am compelled to join in
This puts me at ease.
I go home
The night is over
I forget to put my drink in the fridge
I sit on my bed
I look at my hands
They seem so different
I think of the girl one last time
Then I pass out in my clothes.

Wow! This is great, Alexander; we are getting so many so talented new members and new poems today I can't keep up with them nor do them justice, but this one really stands out; I love this incredible visual quality which I think this poem shares with Psiloman's latest offering, they are so powerfully descriptive that they really transcend the page into the imagination.

"I am left pistol in pocket and hat tipped down"

is brilliant; it all is, honestly.

So many things stand out... I love

"Being around lovers always creates sickness
When you yourself are alone"

That's so true, and so clearly and well-expressed. All very visual.

I love the metamorphosis of it all; that aspect is fascinating.

We're fortunate and happy to have you with us, Alexander; thanks so much for coming to be among us here, and for sharing your vividly visual and fluently narrative work with us. You are truly talented, and I hope you will be encouraged and strengthened for the journey by your sharing with us in this community. You make us better, and I hope we can be of service to you in return. It helps to share our work in a safe and intelligent place, and that's what we strive to be here.

Alexander,

I endorse everything Steven has said about your poem, including his quote of that fantastic line "I am left pistol in pocket and hat tipped down". He has said it all and I can't add much by way of praise.

I am lucky to be blessed by one I love dearly and with whom I can share my life. That person you describe as missing in yours. But, I remember all to vividly the feelings you express, the times when I've wandered lonely both alone and in the company of friends.

Yes today has been quite something on this board.

Welcome

Alexander,

You brilliantly capture and return us to experience directly that estrangement we all pass through along the way.

The final turn of the piece in describing the other people imaginatively evokes the effects of inebriation.

Thoroughly captivating writing.

S.

So then poet/ess, care to lay yourself down in here for just a lttle while longer as I kiss your mind to melt those precious sleeping beauty's webs of soulful mists away, within a simple wisp of my warm hot breathe? Purrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

And if doesn't work, you little shirt:

I'll bind your wrists and ankles silk, with same silk threads,
mace your screaming others, rise awaken, all same heads.

Love Jasper

Thank you all for your kind words.
the peom, all my poetry, is based on my real life experiences.
I wrote the poem a day after the actual events took place and I really liked it so i wanted to share it. I also love the line pistol in pocket and hat tipped down.
It probably doesnt mean what everyone thinks it does but i'll just leave it to the imagination of the reader. thanks again.
~Alexander

Wow.....I'm going to have some very strange dreams tonight. This has an ethereal air about it, surreal and fantastical. Wonderful.

~Much Love~
Megan