With numbed senses I walked through the elevator door.
All eyes on me as I stepped foot on that floor.
With pain, fear and sadness that had become overwhelming,
My best friend drove me to this place that just might be of some helping.

“What is your name�, said this dark colored man.
Delayed with confusion, it was hard for me to understand,
“Mary? Yes, that’s my name�. “My name is Mary�-
I said it again.

I feared I was in the wrong place as the people began to surround.
It was surreal the sights I was seeing…the people were glaring and moving closer and closer.
I began crying with my tears pooling on the ground.

“It’s okay Mary, my name is Fred, We’re gonna take real good care of you here, we’ll soon get you a bed.�
A bed sounded good, considering I had not done much sleeping.
And food, which would be nice, since I had not done much eating.

They gave me a bracelet and showed me to my room. The room was too hot and the sun way too bright for me to do any sleeping.
I closed the blinds shut and sat on the bed, while my thoughts continued to race through my head.

Why am I here? Do I want to go home?
I could not escape the Misery I had been in…
No, I should stay It would just get worse
If I were alone again.

Weakened with despair I could still feel it rising,
The mercury within, that brought on more crying.
The groans of angst from this terrible condition
Were then released from my lungs without remission.

No comfort could calm this madness that had been conspiring.
An Emotional hemophiliac! I felt I was dying!

Yes.

I have been there.

I have a friend in West Virginia who is there now.

It just all really hurts, doesn't it?

But this is why we can write poetry.

And I feel like the more I suffer, the better I write.

POST NUBILA PHOEBUS

FIAT LUX

Sorry this reply isn't longer, but this is a very emotional subject, and I am getting one of my "sick headaches." I promised a young man at Starbucks I would give him a copy of my book tonight. So I have to go do that; also I need to write more, for Silke, if I can...

I have a very good feeling about our poetry board right now. We have good energy here now. We have just come through a dark and bitter time; there were a few who hated my F**KING guts and were so cruel it just made my jaw drop every time I came online. Both to me and, even more inexplicably, to Silke. God, that hurt! But now, things feel good.

DEO GRATIAS (= thanks be to God; in German: Gott sei Dank)

Steven,
Please don't apologize for the length of your reply. I am comforted to know that someone else has been there...I mean I know others have been there but it helps to know that you uderstand!
Thank you for taking the time to reply.
I get a good vibe from the forum as well, sometimes I feel guilty for not responding more than I do. I've been going through a pretty rough spot ( as you have read). I am beginning to see a little light ahead ( I think?!?!), maybe I will be able to become more involved with the site.

POST NUBILA PHOEBUS

radiogirl

FIAT LUX

Dear radiogirl

Sorry you are having troubles. Just the fact that we have Steven and Silke to care about us and offer kind words has been been such a help to me, and I hope also to you now.

Hoping that nice things happen for you. And also that you will continue to add your own special contributions to the board.

Hey Hey

Hey Hey,
Thank you for your caring words. I have been comforted by the support from this forum. I will continue to share as much as I can.
Thanks so very much again!
radiogirl

Mary,

I can relate on a few occasions where it all just comes to a head. A time when you can't suppress it any longer. It's healthy to get it out. And when I'm done venting I sit down and right it out. No, I don't just write about emotional discharges, it's illustrated, usually, in the tone of my poems regardless of the topic. Let's face it. Some of the best writing is inspired from emotional events charged in our darkest hours. It's how we choose to heal ourselves that makes us unique. We choose to create from our misfortunes. Who knows? Perhaps the one that lands you a book deal will come from an episode such as this. Then you'll be glad you felt like crap that day, right? At any rate, this episode you wrote about really inspired an original, refreshing poem that really sucked me in. It was every engaging and the imagery was vibrant with a surreal, dreamlike distortion. I loved and hung on every word you so deftly wove into this masterpiece. It's a keeper! Keep sharing. I'll keep reading!

Warm regards to you,

Kevin

Kevin,

Your responses are always a very special treat! You put so much consideration into your thoughts and words, they leave me feeling uniquely happy. The experience, in itself, was a dreamlike distortion of reality. I'm glad you could see that with my words.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to post such a kind and considerate reply!!

radiogirl

I have been were you are and have been.

I am the "MENTAL' they put in the term 'mentalward'... Lol
Raised in hospitals, the system, and raised by all, other, than my bio-logical parents I have taken with me some great strengths, from the considered weakness' of others.

Without these intstitutions, we might find ourselves, in a corner on the streets talking to ourselves, and having strangers stare out at us in rebuke, and repulsed.

This is nothing to be ashamed of.

WRITE, write and write, to beyond your heart's content, to aid in a world 's understanding, if only for our lives to make sense.

Safe journey
Aiyana

To put it sly-ghtly humorously mental words are made to protect "mental" people form all the "sane" ones...Because in the bottom line many INsane people are more sane and logical than the majority of the people who run out there with no "mental illness" in their background.

I can certainly relate.My uncle suffers from a heavy case of OCD and Bipolar Depression. He is one of the cleverest and most logical people i know,but has been a toy to the hands of many psychiatrists and several times in those wards.

I visited him and let me tell you that many people in there are SANE.More SANE than the doctors treating them,and they also have great artistic potential.As of induction upon coming in contact with them i just wanted to let go,go loose ,scream laugh paint and in general be...crazy! (In the past i had some "breakdown" episodes with extreme agoraphobia,depression and whatsoever but i managed to escape the "white coats").So in the cuckoos nest i met many interesting people,they told me about love and live...They trully see world through a better perspective let me add. One old lady aproached me and told me "You know something young man? I like oranges! But the thing is ,all those doctors think their medicine work.What they can only do is sedate us so we cannot exhibit behaviour that offends their culture." I could not help it,i gave her a smoke and some orange juice i had... At one point i even demanded from the doctors to be straightjacketed and i also sung "I wanna Be Sedated" to the great approval of all the patients in there...

Oh wel...

I truly wish that such pains could be removed without incident or relapse....For example, a lobotomy! But seriously, I hope you are better now. You poetry is quite touching, and though I have never been in your shoes, I almost feel as though I understand. Best wishes, and HUGS.

~Much Love~
Megan

From reading your other poems, it seems to be a relationship, of sorts, you are writing about. In this writing, I assume you are talking about a hospital. Did your relationship cause you to go? I have had a similar experience. The pain overflows in your work. If you don't mind my asking, and prying, please enlighten me. I suffer from the same pain. I am Bipolar and Borderline w/ ADD, have been institutionalized, and am still seeking solace with medications and therapy. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I look forward to your next post.

Hey rg,
I think a better title to this would be "an Institutional Welcome". I have been thinking about this for a while now, and I may be wrong. Just a thought...
143,
T

I agree with this, that the original title draws you to the individuals experiences with being institutionalized, therefore singling out the circumstances around one's emotions and/or personal experiences. Makes the character and their plight come to life. Rather than drawing attention to an institution, where-as this write could then mean, just about anything, for anyone.

I like the original title. Says more, and offers less speculation.

Aiyana