You and I think in different languages, but I like it. Wow!

Ha! Thanks Hey Hey.

I know it's a bit long for an on screen read. Hope the dual timeline format didn't get broken up - and hence nonsensical - on your display.

No, format was fine. Is this format your original idea? Makes a nice change.

yes, that scene all played out so fast, and there was so much going on, that i decided to try breaking the timeline in 2, to capture the action on 2 fronts. As long as the screen (or page) accomodates it, it seems to work ok.

Great! You ought to go back and edit to include a copyright note. I can imagine that you have started a trend!

My compliments.

Yes, of course you have. It's at the top. I missed it as I was so drawn down the page.

there's a copyright note up top, but i've no desire, or any legal ability to copyright the technique. anyway, i can't imagine it's a first, in all the thousands of years of thousands of poets pounding out timelines.

Perhaps you try a 3D version next (?!)

Anyway, made my night. Thanks.

I have never seen anything done in this format, before, let alone a poem of extreme reality in measures of pain and loss.
Terrific scenario of realism, caught me with surprise and a greater appreciation for poetry, and it's versatility all by itself.

There are no dillusions left within this write, and it is with great pleasure that this read has served me to better understand your points made in one of my writes. (I DON'T NEED..!.. YOUR APPROVAL..!).

The purity of creation within this style and verse screams volumes...!

I thank you for sharing this painfully sad, but insighful and poetic write.

Aiyana

The good news is, this turned out to be somewhat a miracle (a description given to the event by several eyewitnesses who aren't even predisposed to miracles).

Walker had a massive bruise on his hip, and several smaller ones, including scrapes along his spinal cord - but the doctor gave him a clean bill of health. He has gone on to become the number one pitcher in his league. In several ways, he is our miracle child.

I am so glad that your son is alright. It wasn't evident in the poem, or perhaps I had missed that section due to my admiring your style in presenting two different angles in timeline. Coming from both sides,..? It seems you tell the tale from two different angles from two different perspectives, which is why I now understand your query, earlier, a lot better.

Still a terrific write, but made much better with the awesome news of his recovery.

Safe journey
Aiyana

Yes, i wrote that on the heat of the moment, in the day or 2 immediately after, while it was still on my mind. Though the final verses on circled angels imply a happy ending, I agree, it screams for an epilogue explaining what happened in the weeks that followed.

hence.. my appended epilogical note...


(is that a word?)

Yes, 'hense' is a word..., an old english word, I believe, but, don't qoute me on that.
No epilogue or changes needed, especially if added in print, unless feedback is warranted, therefore correct information is helpful. But the write, by itself, is perfect.

Listen to me, trying to sound like the professional... lol

Safe journey
Aiyana

The structure of the poem is refreshing to say the least. The imagery is of a cinematic scope. I feel this piece to the core of me. It reminds me of the day I rushed to meet my wife and son at the hospital after a bicycle accident with my son on a backboard - scared - tears rolling down the sides of his head. Had some whiplash, and was sore for a while. They thought he might have compressed his spine or received some head trauma but it turned out through X-rays, CT Scans, etc. that he was fine. We walked out of their the same night. It can happen in the blink of an eye. Your message was well crafted and well received. You are a gifted poet. I will be watching for more.

Warm regards,

Kevin