it started out with wanting to be like a crystal. clear, clear and perfect. making myself simple and pure. like a glass cup. perfect. flawless. i figure if there is less of me there should be less to be wrong, less to be dirty. if i make myself brittle, i can make myself invisible to everything. i can change the world around me and with my smallness, live free and clear and perfect like a fairy.

sounds good? sounds good to be a little tree elf. tiny and beautiful. try as i might, i cant make it like this. instead i am bony. instead my hips stick out instead i can see my ribs in my back. i like the curve between my hips. i like my little sholders. i dont like how it seems harder for me to breathe. i dont like my little eyes sunken. i dont like seeing spots and getting a headruch every time i stand up.

my body never turned out like a fairy. my body never turned perfect or clear. it hurts not to be what i want to be, not to see what i want to see. i want to make myself invisible....this seems the easyest way.

Yeah...I hear you.

That is how it is to be fooled by the Anorexia.

...You want to be "clean" and "pure".But instead,you end up in a hospital hanging on the drip.....

Thanks for your post.
Please,post again.

Invisiblity is what we strive for, it seems. To be invisible, to disappear...to shrink out of site. What will be the outcome of all this? I wish I knew...

Thanks for posting here, please post again!

Love,
Dara

thank you both...i just might post again