Battle


... where'd this come from?
This massive giant in my face.
Always there,
always hovering.
Neck and neck we race to the finish line
that neither can really see clearly;
both being confident that "I'll win"

But maybe I've been fooled all along...

Maybe I've lost and have only false hopes now.
Isn't that what I supposed to think though?

Things aren't good, so I must have lost...

Hope: Believing or looking for things which you can't yet see.
So then how could it ever be false?

I should be able to turn and scream
"No I won't lose!"
But somehow, that part of me has been crushed.

I now live day to endless day-
ever knowing that I'll lose more than once yet,
I don't care.

"Stomp on me! Rip me apart!
Drag me through your thorns,
because I don't care!!"

Yet, I'm not saying that at all...

I'm sitting in a corner crying like
a hurt puppy, a lost child or a woman
who has no joy. I sit crying, looking around
and feel my walls cave in on top of
everything else.

I care about winning. Not ultimately, just for now.

Who cares about what it takes? Who cares about me?

Too many people...



Screaming- I'm screaming.
Maybe I can scare this thing away,
But it only takes over again... and still,
I can't find the strength to care.....

I sought my freedom, and found hell. I thought that death would be salvation, but then I learned that there is no death. There is no escape from the universe, there is only the company it offers.

I hear your battle Silke, I feel it as well...I am sorry you have to go thru this.

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))