Today my doctor said.....:

"Hmmm...have you always been so good in lying and manipulating about food?"

Thanks a lot for that Dear Mr.Doctor...

"You are such a young and beautiful woman-why dont you just stop this NONSENSE?"

Dear Doctor...your comments just prove what I already know;no one understands what anorexia really IS about(in case you suffer yourself...)

It is not FUN to be like this...
I am not like this by free will...

Sitting here in a hospital room, my feelings are put under a microscope for all the
world to see...Surrounded by Doctors every day...
What do they see in me?
A spoiled girl with a "disease"?
Atleast they make me feel as if I am just taking up their precious time.
I dont deserve their attention.



My doctors call me a hopeless case....
Thank you.*Sarcasm*
I have know THAT for long.




I want to become detached,
of all that is truly me
I want to be the person,
that I want others to truly see
The friendly face , The willing hand,
that will service others needs
Never saying no to them ,
all they have to say is please.

Let me get the door for you,
or would you like some more
Cookies, cake, coffee or tea,
Let me run off to the store.
Doing things for others,
is what my life has been
If I thought about myself at all,
I thought it was a sin.

Who am I to ask? What do I deserve?
My purpose in life was set early on
My reason for living is to serve.

If they really knew me,
would they really care
If I told them all my secrets,
would they still be there
If they got to close to me,
what would I ever do?
Come close to me, then go away,
I might end up hurting you.

Hurt you with my words,
The pain of a hurtful stare
To share your love and have it disappear
Is more than my heart could bear.

I talk too much,
you will grow tired of me
I am not pretty like others,
take a look and you will see
You will see that I am ugly,
that I am a spoiled brat
That I am a selfish person,
as useful as a doormat.

It was somewhat easier to deal with life
when I didn’t know
What was behind the stress and strain
that I tried so hard not to show
Show you what is really there,
I just might fall apart
The tears, hurt, anger and pain
will come flowing from my heart.

I hate this war I am fighting,
the war inside my head
Some days I wish I weren’t real
or wish that I were still in bed.
I wish I was in a field of flowers,
yellow, green and red
Anything is better than where I am right now,
fighting the war inside my head.