Vulnerable
by R.Bear

( http://www.survivorsartfoundation.org/gall...try4.html#RBear )


it feels like no one cares inside
the blows are hitting my face and ears
you don't matter, you will die
you are not deserving

now the pain is inside too
not just outside
the words are in my head
the blows inside my body

I have no where to hide
no where to run
no matter where I go
you follow me and destroy me

I take the words outside again
I remove the beatings from inside my skin
they try to come inside again
but I keep removing them

only I can set me free
by cooperating with your love, God
I know you want to heal me
but I have to let you in

I am scared of letting -anything- in
after the pain and hurt
but I have to for my own good and for others too

Maybe this time I won't be abused and hurt.
I don't know.
Maybe I will.
But it's getting cramped inside this prison.

Please don't hurt me anymore
please don't make me feel small and useless and undeserving
please let me live!!!!!!!!!!!!
but I can't stay under your thumb forever

I must live
I must be free
I must be myself and
not be ashamed of it

I know you didn't mean to destroy my life
But you did
I don't know if I will forgive you or not
Maybe I shouldn't, then you won't be able to hurt me again

Vulnerable