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beautiful

Very romantic!
A pleasure to read!

Take care,
Silke Lance

well... a few have seemed to like it so well, but in a poetry workshop this poem would not last too long. i have been in a few myself and gotten a creative writing specialization, so i do not say that ignorantly, as well i do not intend to say that arrogantly.
i think poetry is genius. i hold it in high regard. someone cannot just slap words on a piece of paper and have a poem. it is difficult to write poetry; it is an art. i am sure we all agree. i have not even really considered myself a poet.
i say all this bc i have been dissappointed in the critique going on in these posts. sometimes they are very good. and i apologize "D" for chosing your post to express this. but it is a good example.
i ask: what is so beautiful about this poem? then say that... because this poem is seriously lacking in aesthetics. there is so much more to express that to give statements. poetry is profound: what is profound about this instance? this poem doesn't even have a form so to speak.
i find little poetry in this piece. however, i must say there is definite potential for poetry in it-- however, you must pull it out. paint a picture, give an analogy, metaphor, etc. i am a big fan of prose, it is my medium of choice. but there must always be a method to your madness, right?
prayers are very intimate. they are often expressed without words. the words in this prayer are too simple, to universal. my poetry professor told me a great (yet seemingly paradoxical) rule once... he said, when writing poetry, the more specific, the more universal. be specific. who is talking? who is being addressed? of course all of this is done in the least amount of words needed.
i do not mean to be harsh if that is how it sounds i am sorry. this is a poetry critique forum, so i hope that this is taken beneficially. one of the greatest compliments is having someone engage your writings and thoughts. they are giving their energy to you as a gift.

Hmmm...

I'm sure "D" will be "D"-lighted with the generous gift of your energy!

I wonder what such a superior poetic presence would have to say about my own work. You can find my book at the first link below, my website at the second. Mind you, I am not asking for your opinion; I have sufficient energy of my own, thanks. I compose my sonnets, all and each, as handmade gifts for my wife, no more and no less, and there are a few others who tell me that they also enjoy sharing them with us. I send them to my doctor, my lawyer, my three kids and a few friends. I post them here on my friend Shawn's site, where he has given me a forum. But they are, obviously, nothing you would care to read. I am an eccentric old formalist, and always criticized for not being sufficiently critical of the work of others; I am never criticized, however, for the encouragement which I provide my fellow poets. I once heard somebody say, when I was first starting out about thirty years ago at this, that "the bigger they are, the nicer they are." That made an impression on me; I would rather be too nice than a discouraging scold.

Are you by any chance a friend of the Fatal Flake, deep in the heart of Texas as you are? You seem birds of a feather. My father, the Black Baron, lives there too. You can have him; I don't.

Post your own work and show us what true poetry really is, offering it up, of course, for the same criticism which you so generously provide to others. You could lead by your example, show us how to really do things right. I am sure our members would be happy to criticize your work, to share with you the gift of their energy. I would also be interested in your sharing with us your academic and literary and publishing credentials, especially relative to some of the rest of us here on the site. My wife, for example, whose opinion you apparently do not respect, given your sidelong reference to it above, holds two doctorates. You seem to want to share; share yet a little more.

Welcome to our forum, by the way. My name is +Steven, and I am Poet in Residence here.

AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

steven,
i am dissappointed in your defensive response, for mine own was not intended to be offensive, but even an real encouragement to critics, which i thought i had portrayed. it is sad that you missed that. i am an avid encourager. you may ask anyone. edification is can often be a deeper thing that just uplifting comments. hollow words are only superficial encouragement and not necessarily a stimulator or catalyst for growth. i apologize for my miscommunication, perhaps you heard an unintended tone.
i guess you have not noticed, but i have posted two poems thus far on the board: currents, and then crystal castles. i have hoped to have more engagement on them. please visit them and lend me your thoughts. they will be greatly appreciated.

"D",
as well i hope you were not offended by my post. i am no mighty poet, as i said in other words earlier. i think it is exciting to see so many people taking on the life art of poetry. please please do not be discouraged. be encouraged to grow. i do not believe we post our work just to hear: good job, but rather to hear how we can even better it- that is why it is an art. i look forward to more activity with you and the others in this forum.

Pashmina, do you have a "Shift" key on your computer keyboard, or are you doing that e. e. cummings thing?

You say my response was defensive; I say yours was offensive.

I really don't need any trouble with strange people in Texas (I already suffer under your fellow-Texan, the Chimp-in-Chief), so why don't we just agree to disagree.

I will respectfully decline your request for me to review your poems. You're the expert; review them yourself.

I hope you have a nice life, but you are no judge of poetry. Nor am I! It is, as you insist, an art!

AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

Pashmina,

I do not take offence to your criticism, the opposite in fact, and I do thank you sincerely for it... However, I love this poem, just the way it is makes me feel as if it is a whole. I do have poems which are more detailed but I feel this one is complete as it is...

D

Steven & Silke,

Thanks for both your comments, please note that they are very much appreciated...

D

Pashmina, if your shift key is broken please fix it, so says the Grammar Hammer. <grin>