I hate you
but only because i can't cry in front of you
i feel too ashamed
ashamed of everything i've done without you in the past 2 months
the poems i wrote
that weren't about you
the dreams i had
that didn't include you
the impure thoughts i've thought
that didn't involve you

I hate you
but only because i can't be mad at you when i'm supposed to be
i can't look at you and not smile
or think of something good...
you the one good thing in my life
and i hate you

You don't usually call when you say you will
instead you'll call a little later
you barely show up when i ask you to
instead you'll just come a little later
you don't always do as you promised you would
instead you'll alter your actions a little
yet when you do show up or call
right as all my hope depleats
All i can do is look and smile
because thats what you do to me
and i never want it to go away
but i hate it

this sounds like quite an emotional outpouring but I'm not sure it's really poetry. I don't know.

Hmmm... Love's paradox! Hate is the flip side of love; love turns very easily to hate when it goes wrong. You speak of the paradox well, and I know what you mean, I recognize feelings which I have had myself in my life.

It's a poem, no doubt about that. Perhaps it could use a bit of polish here and there, but it's an interesting subject, well-presented. Is this "drawn from life," so to speak? It seems like it. It's very immediate emotionally, which is nice.

You know how you have those few lines which are much longer than the others? You might want to break those up into shorter lines, more in accordance with the average length of the other lines. Just a few things like that would create a better presentation. Be aware of the inner rhythm of the lines, the patterns which the words make. Give it a general polishing and it will be much better; it's not bad at all just as it is, for that matter.

I hope you will be encouraged. You have every reason to be.

AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

Hmm... Kim... this is amazing.. I love it... its something I can relate too...

Good writing and keep sharing...

D