this world is haunting
and haunted
with dead spirits drowning
and drowned
in invisible currents poisoned
and poisoning
the born before they can live.

apparitions aligning in conventions
making choice pretentious
supplying tradition
that resonates unreality.
in courses of consubstantiality
mindless shadows disappear
in those gray areas that the currents fill
and ignore.

the denominating currents
are the unfortunate blood of society.
society is in need of a transfusion.
except, it is difficult to escape
the circulation of the currents
as misappropriated identities are reinforced.

desensitized bodies identified
and identifying
only the unbelonging
and unbelonged
that are the only ones truly breathing.

yet they are lost from the currents
they are the difference
noticing the apparitions
from in the shadow of the earth’s tilt.

thanks, snowflake, for engaging my poem here. if you want to elaborate more, i would enjoy hearing your futher thoughts.

i think i am going to change "society" in tje stanza prior to humanity. seems to fit better.

brilliant work

thank you unknown.

no need to be shy...



perhaps we could identify...

The end of the 4th stanza is your strongest point. By the time i read the last stanza i already felt that the subject, (society,) was lost. You might push the last four lines in another part of the poem.

pashmina, welcome to the message board.

thank you for the warm welcome, snowflake.



this is a really cool thing yall got goin.