Gulit and Shame


I never told anyone that shame has a face. When I was raped, I was stripped of my soul and my dignity. Ultimately, I was robbed of my humanness. I constantly live in fear, subconsciously hoping someone will protect the vulnerable person inside. I am broken within. The eyes of shame have permeated within my entire being. I am unable to expose my broken tears. I feel as though I exist within my defective body.
My rapist experienced none of this. He expressed no remorse, only to later laugh in my face. The entire time he was raping me he said he wouldn't hurt me. But of course, he did....
Rarely does a day go by that I don't blame myself in some form. The ugliness I feel carries with me at all times, even if it is hidden beneath. The shame I feel is indescribale in words. I suffered greatly as a result. I suffered from depression, panic disorder and PTSD. These were only some aspects of my emotional aftermath. What I do know, is that although I may feel tainted inside, I will survive because I do know that part of me is worthy and strong and I know somewhere....deep down I will endure.

Dear Silke, I am sorry you had to endure the buse that you have. please know that this journey does get easer over time. You have nothing to be ashamed of! rape is never the survivors fault, I know it may seem easy for others to say that, but trust me I have been where you are...I did as much self-blame as any other survivors does...don't love hope, one day you will find your way through the darkness and dance in the sunshine of recover...know that you are not alone in this journey!

P.S. thank you for posting my poems on this site! I plan to post some of my others ASAP.

Hang in there