i believe i am alone.....

i have red hair

people say i look like an angel
please world, im no angel

my eyes are light blue

people say i am pretty
please world, im not pretty

freckles line my face

people say i am childish
please world, im not a child

i believe i am alone....

sometimes i want
i want to bleed, bleed forever
sometimes i want
i want to fall, fall forever

world, i am no angel
world, i am no queen

i want to beat full of passion
like nobodys seen

people say i'm an angel
then tear off my wings
people say i am pretty
then slash off my face
people say i am as a child
let me grow old and die

i believe i am alone and forever will be.....


~i'll be reading this at my next poetry reading. it will be a competitional piece, so please tell me what you think!!!

Caitiff...

I read this poem and it sent shivers down my spine... Its so heartfelt... I love the poem no doubt...

However, please dont take this as me psycho analysing you, I hope that you dont feel like this anymore... Poetry sometimes (almost always) reveals how a person really feels, and this poem projects sense of depression and sadness... I hope all is well with you... Please dont get offended with me saying that...

....
people say i'm an angel
then tear off my wings
people say i am pretty
then slash off my face
people say i am as a child
let me grow old and die
....

This is my favourite part... Love it

Good writing and thanks for sharing

D

thank you!
i wrote this just a few days ago so i suppose i feel that way....thank you for the concern though

I've always thought red headed frekcled face angels were beautiful. <blush>

The use of "world" is good. You declare your audience.

the tone is fairly passive aggressive, do you agree?
i don't know, that might be what you want.
-- just an observation...

"i believe i am alone..." here belief is weak... feeling alone is more piercing. and actually being alone is stronger. if "i" really believes this and that is your point then you should validate this belief a little more, i think...

"people say..." but they could believe (stronger).

not sure what you want with it, but just a suggestion:
more imagery!! make me see you alone...

i love the color and i love the freckles!

make sure you add a comma to nobodys -- nobody's.
as well, it might sound better if you said "world, i am not an angel
world, i am not a queen" instead of "world, i am no queen... i am no angel."

you have a great piece here, definetely good for reciting after a little revision...
good luck! best wishes! let us know how it goes...

thank you AmbientSnowflake and pashmina. the comments were much appreciated.

the reading went fairly well. i was shakey but i didnt let that get to my voice,
so i read loud and clear with the beat i wanted. it dissapoints me many times
that i cannot move very much on stage...i tend to just stand instead of using
body movement to show more feeling. i hope that will come with time.
~sorry for rambling ~krystyna