every time i die
my skull gets a little softer
my acid thoughts reaching out
decomposing all they touch
every time i die
my spine gets a little harder
the bones callosed together
making it hard to reach the ground
everytime i die
my eyes get a little dimmer
the world turning gray
under my lead iris's
and every time i die
you run farther away
you escape my leaden eyes
and hardened spine
you cant stand my acid thoughts
you run away from me
so everytime i die
you make my heart a little smaller


~yes i realize this is a horrid poem but i am past caring at the mament

I like it. You presented a fairly broad idea for the reader. Try using the names of the people you know, or even maybe give them nicknames. I use the name I call them in conversation, mom, bro, Aunt Marti, Ted, or Jav, (Javier.) I'll even refer to myself using the name "Mac." Are you talking about a man or a women? You can use he/she/they and any other pronoun you want.

For interpritation... I'd like to think death is a good subject. You seem to have combined that with a relationship. Or... my first inclination was that you are writing about the death of a friendship, relationship.

You might, only if you're confortable with it, form stanzas, (line breaks,) to help the reader move from thought "A" to thought "B" to thought "C"... you get the idea.

Cool visuals going on here. It feels heavy when I'm reading it. That's good, by the way. Very nice, caitiff.

~Best~
Megan

Caitiff,

This poem is so heartfelt... There was a point in time when I could relate to this... Where it used to hurt so much... I just hope things are better for you now...

As for Joey's comment, I think this poem is perfect the way it is written... I dont think its necessary for you to be more specific with details in this regards... The almost vague storyline behind the poem is what makes it incredible... Perhaps vague is not the right word for it but I hope you know what I mean....

Welcome and thank you for sharing you poem...

D

thank you for the comments! I agree with you Daisy in the fact that i feel like the reader can understand my poetry and realate it to thier own life if i make it apply to not only me but many more people.

joey: thank you for the comments, i do need to start making lne breaks i know. i tend not to use peoples names because i feel like it does not flow as well

thank you also megan i know exactly what you mean!

Krystyna

Webster.com sent me the word of the day for Saturday June 19. The word of the day was caitiff. I was startled to find the definition; cowardly; dispicable. I figure you already knew that.

Yes i did Ambient Joseph. It comes also from the Masqurade, in which i am the clanless caitiff. It is a broad term for a weak completely alone being.

That's funny that you are a clanless caitiff, being that 'caitiff' is used in the form of a noun. My aunt and I were trying to figure out if you could use it as a noun, or just an adjective.

its one of those words that have more then one meaning. Here i will let you read for yourself
http://www.caitiff.net/