For your delectation I append a 'longy-funny' poem of mine, hopefully to give you a laugh!
Get Job By Counting!
I was proud of my qualifications
when I left school and looked for a job.
I hoped I'd earn plenty of money
without becoming a snob.
I soon realised the Job Centre
left many people on the fence,
seeking training or work to enter
or a rest at other peoples expense.
After failing in many attempts
to find work that suited my skills,
I joined the Council workforce,
and stopped taking potions and pills.
I was in the Statistics department
counting on a bright career.
Then they gave me my first assignment
with a job title, that quite filled me, with fear.
I'd never been called a D.I.C. before;
I really thought, well that's the pits.
But it stands for a Dogs I.T. Counter
though doesn't mean counting dog zits.
S H is missed off I.T. to limit
offence to those nice people who,
would rather call I.T. dog jobby
or pooh, or simply dog doo.
People ring the Council to complain
of pavements all covered in I.T.
They tiptoe about with disdain
whilst trying to avoid a hit.
My job is defined as assessment.
The question "how big is the problem" was put.
So far I'd say about four inches
but it's worst when I.T. reaches the foot.
In my wellies I walk the streets
and count each occurrence of dogs I.T.'s I find.
I guess its age and note I.T.'s location,
and thank God that I am not blind.
In places I find it's much safer
to walk in the road instead.
When facing oncoming traffic,
you can stride safely whilst looking ahead.
Instead of looking down and dancing,
you can enjoy all the views around.
The sure thing that I've found, is that
clean footpaths are thin on the ground.
One can't blame the dogs if not trained;
they won't think to use the drain.
Like bad owners they too are bird-brained,
and do what they want in the main.
Its the bad owners indeed that need training,
on health risks and their dogs dirty habit.
They'd soon do something about I.T.
if they got served each time with a writ.
They're only concerned with their own pad.
That's why they let their dogs roam..
Its a shame dogs I.T.s aren't on elastic,
then they would take what's theirs right on home.
Last week I removed a prime sample.
The dogs owner took me to court for theft.
He said the dogs dirt was his property;
where I found I.T., it should have been left.
I asked him to prove it belonged to his dog,
at which point he started a commotion.
He said he'd caught me on camera.
I asked if it was a 'still' or a 'motion'.
Unlike his dog he hadn't a leg to stand on;
they laughed him out of court.
And for his cheek they fined him
forty quid for being a poor sport.
I've tried designing a portable dog potty.
I came up with a polythene sheet.
Two holes are built in for the back legs,
and a pot is attached by a cleat.
It works but there still is a problem,
because, though dogs don't wipe their bum,
when they've finished they try to bury I.T.
The kicking spreads it to kingdom come.
As soon as you put a tight lid on,
you'll find you are being a bit remiss.
How can a dog remove it
to get on with its business?
If you could invent some simple contraption,
not needing levers or being too dear,
your idea would have more than one attraction;
clean streets and owners with I.T. up to here.
I made a mistake yesterday.
I took a boot off to look at a cut.
A dog then went and whoopsied,
right on top of my foot.
It was on a lead and the owner
laughed and was full of glee.
So I launched I.T. up with a lofty kick,
to his eyes so that I.T. he could see.
For this action I was sacked outright (sob, sob).
The Council didn't think much of my trick.
But I was fed up of this counting job
unlike some dog owners, I'm a clever D.I.C !
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