Self Injury


Self-injury includes cutting, scratching, picking scabs (or interfering with wound healing), burning, punching self or objects, inserting objects into the body, bruising or breaking bones, some forms of hair-pulling, as well as various other forms of bodily harm.

The act of injuring oneself is used to help cope with, block out, and release built up feelings and emotions. Self-injury is probably the most widely misunderstood forms of self harm and there are many myths associated with it, which can make it difficult for people to reach out and ask for help. Self-injury (self-harm, self-mutilation, Self-inflicted violence) can be defined as the attempt to deliberately cause harm to one's own body and the injury is usually severe enough to cause tissue damage. This is not a conscious attempt at suicide, though some people may see it that way.

There have been many reports that most people who self-injure have a history of sexual abuse, have witnessed domestic violence in the home, or were physically or emotionally abused and neglected. There are many factors that could cause someone to self-injure as a way to cope.

Most people who self-injure tend to be perfectionists, are unable to handle intense feelings, are unable to express their emotions verbally, have dislike for themselves and their bodies, and can experience severe mood swings. They may turn to self-injury as a way to express their feelings and emotions, or as a way to punish themselves.

You may be wondering why someone would intentionally harm themselves. Self-injury can help someone relieve intense feelings such as anger, sadness, loneliness, shame, guilt and emotional pain. Many people who cut themselves, do this in an attempt to try and release all the emotions they are feeling internally. Others may feel so numb, that seeing their own blood when they cut themselves, helps them to feel alive because they usually feel so dead inside. Some people find that dealing with physical pain is easier than dealing with emotional pain. Self-injury is also used as a way to punish oneself. If they were abused, they may feel ashamed, guilty and blame themselves for the abuse, which in turn causes them to feel the need to punish themselves by inflicting pain to their bodies. Some people have such hatred for themselves and their bodies that they will carve demeaning names on their bodies as a way to remind themselves of how terrible they are. Whatever form of self-injury is used, the person is usually left with a peaceful and calm feeling afterwards. Since those feelings are only temporary, the person will probably continue to self-injure until they deal with the underlying issues and finds healthier ways to cope.

It is very difficult for people to admit to someone that they harm themselves because there is usually so much shame and guilt that goes along with it. If you're harming yourself it's important to try and remind yourself that there is no shame in what you are doing and that it's okay to reach out and ask for help. In order to help yourself overcome this, you need to want to stop the behavior and finding a therapist may be very helpful. Look for a therapist that you like and trust to help you deal with the underlying issues causing you to do this to yourself. Sometimes treatment may involve the use of medications, and in extreme cases hospitalization might be required for a short period of time. If there are support groups in your area, you may want to think about joining them for extra support.

Many people who self-injure keep it a secret because they feel like they are crazy, insane and evil. They fear if they tell anyone, they might be locked away forever. The truth is, people who intentionally harm themselves are in fact very normal and sane people, who are in a lot of emotional pain. They self-injure as a way to cope, because they were probably never taught how to deal with intense feelings and emotions in healthy ways. Unfortunately, when people hear about this form of self-harm, they do tend to place labels on these people as being psychotic and crazy, which is why so many people do not come forward and ask for help. Until society dispels all the myths surrounding self-injury and start to educate themselves on this subject, sufferers will continue to keep quiet and this form of abuse will continue to be a secret for a long time to come.

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Things To Do When You Feel Self Harmful



Ask yourself questions!

**Why do I feel the need to hurt myself right now?

**Have I felt like this before? How did I deal with it then?

**Is there another way to work through this without hurting myself? How?

**Is hurting myself really going resolve anything?

**What have I done to keep from hurting myself so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

**How do I feel right now?

**What will I be feeling when I hurt myself?

**What are the consequences? Are they worth the risk?

**How will I feel after I hurt myself? How will I feel about this tomorrow? How will other people feel?

**Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

**Do I need to harm myself?

Courses Of Action!

**Keep dangerous things out of your house/apartment/dorm,ect, and where you frequently are.

Try not to be near things that trigger you. For example, if you have a favorite tool, such a particular knife, concider getting rid of it, or at the very least asking someone to keep it for you until you're at a better place emotionally. Regardless of having it, you could find a number of ways to hurt yourself, but you may find its less tempting and sometimes that can make all the difference. Try to go through your things and get rid of items that could be harmful. (Its best to do this when you are in a positive state of mind or with a close friend.)

Don't Be Hard On Yourself

Its okay to feel like hurting yourself, the key is to learn how to handle those feelings! Staying safe can be a very hard task, and each day you get through without harming yourself is a great accomplishment! Everyone can slip from time to time but the important thing to do is to work through your feelings and try not to be down on yourself.

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How To Help Someone Who Self-Injures

If Someone Tells You They Self-injure:


*Ask the person if they are safe. Being safe in this terminology, means, "do you feel the need to hurt yourself right now?" "Do you feel that you can stay safe?" Ask what you can do to help them. Maybe its just talking to them, or sitting with them, etc. Evaluating the situation in this way can give you a better feel of whether immediate help is required.

*Again, don't be judgmental. Be aware that it took a great deal of courage for this person to discuss their problem with you.

*Realize that this person is in a great deal of emotional pain. Self-injury is a "symptom" not a disease. For whatever reason, injuring themself has become an outlet for them to express intense emotion, usually dealing with some underlying problem or an inability to otherwise express intense negative emotion. Its a "broken" coping mechanism of sorts.

*Try to comfort them. They came to you for a reason, they may even be struggling at that very moment to not injure themself.

*Be open with them and set boundaries. Its hard to judge how severe someone's self-injury problem may be. If you feel that this is something you can't handle on your own, (unless you're in an emergency situation), wait until you feel the person is in a stable mood and explain to them that its too much for you to take on alone. Let them know its because you care you need to get them help. You may want to ask them if there is a specific person they would feel more comfortable discussing this with, such as a particular school guidance counselor, a teacher, a spiritual leader, or one parent verses the other, etc. Remember to be delicate about who you confide in about their problem.

*Do not, try to manage the problem yourself by checking for new wounds, or giving an ultimatum such as,
"If you harm yourself one more time I'm going to tell...."
You would most likely find in that situation, that the person would only end up hiding their injuries from you and would ultimately feel that you are not a trustworthy person to discuss their emotions with.

*Urge them to get professional help, but do not be forceful or insist on an immediate response, they may need time to cope with the idea. Let them know if you're willing to help them find someone, or "tag along" in the waiting room for their appointment, but only if they feel it would be helpful.

*Try to help them come up with other ways to cope. Help them come with ideas like the ones listed on the previous page about what to do when they feel the need to be self-harmful.

*Be aware of your own emotions. Its very difficult to deal with the idea that someone you care about is in so much pain, they feel the need to harm themself in order to deal with their problems. Once the initial situation is over with, its okay to take a time out if you need to. Just be sure to explain to the person that you need time to cope, and that you're not appalled, or disgusted and that you still care about them.

If You Discover, or Suspect That Someone You Care About Is Self-injuring:

*Find a good time to talk to them, and try to bring it up to them in a calm, reasonable manner and discuss the situation.

*Don't ambush them, or corner them about their problem.

*Don't necessarily go running to someone else without discussing it with the person, unless there is a life threatening emergency or you absolutely feel that you can't handle this without support.

*Think about how you plan to bring it up, and be prepared for an emotional, and difficult reaction.

*Expect to hear things like,
"Its my body." "Its no big deal." "Its not like I'm trying to kill myself."

*Don't be judgmental and scream and shout.

*Don't be angry at them for "keeping secrets." Its very hard for someone to admit that they hurt themself. Quite often, the self-injurer doesn't want to hurt they people they care about and are possibly afraid of being labeled as crazy, and/or are afraid of being misunderstood, or even the possibility of being forced into treatment.

*Follow most of the same guidelines listed above for "If Someone Tells You They Self-Injure."

Some Otherwise Not Mentioned, Do-NOTs When Dealing With A Person who Self-Injures:

*Don't say things like,
"Why don't you just knock it off." This is a very serious issue, your loved one may be addicted to their problem, and may not wish to stop, or be able to stop without professional help.

*Don't place blame.

*Don't ignore their problem, this is not something that will likely disappear on its own.

*Don't label the person as crazy, or as a freak.

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Silke,
This is a great deal of information you posted on SI. I am so gald to se it presented in an intelligent and helpful way. I think there are more people who SI then are reported, buit are afraid of ebing labled crazy or thought that they are suicidal. For most people who SI, we do it as a coping technique to stay ALIVE. I guess only those of us who SI can understand that.

I am so happy you posted this here!

Love,
Dara

What is the connection between Self-Injury and shame?


One of the most common factors connected to SI is shame. 'Shame is a powerful emotion, able to alter thoughts, feelings, and even behaviors.' Any shame or embarrasment that comes from SI can have a big effect on all parts of a self-injurers life such as friendships, school, and job performance. Also, shame is often a feeling that precedes SI, coming from events that happened earlier in the individual's life. As has been stated earlier there is a obvious relationship between self-injury and child abuse. For many self-injurers, SI-ing is connected with a traumatic childhood. Feelings of shame and embarrasment often follow the traumas they have experienced. Many people who have been abused feel that it is their fault, that they somehow encouraged, initiated, or/and deserved the abuse. These thoughts and feelings become connected with the memories of abuse, and then are transferred to SI behaviors. So, possibly if you feel shame or guilt or think you deserved to be punished, then you might act in ways that correspond those beliefs. You might hurt yourself if you feel that you deserve to be punished, for example.

The punishment or SI act then implies that you are at fault (because generally you are punished when you have done something wrong), which then fosters feelings of shame or guilt. So an SI act often can cause the feelings of shame that before preceded the act of self-injury. Also, the shame from SI "breeds secrecy." Many people keep their self-injury secret because of their shame, and their fear of being judged or looked down upon by others. The stigma in our society placed on SI makes many people afraid to tell others about their SI behavior. The secretive nature of SI also increases the feelings of shame and isolation, which continues the cycle of self-injury.

The feeling of shame and embarrassment can result from many different parts of SI, such as scars, wound, bruises, cuts, feelings from past traumas, emotions, etc.