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From the titles and first lines, I already suspect your problem. You might want to start taking life and destiny into your own hands, become more self-reliant, and stop asking God, because the divine lives Within. You'd be surprised what can happen when you start thinking of life more like an adventure and game of chess and less like a thing of religious destiny.

Maybe you should look into Zen and Taoism, Samurai philosophies.. that type of stuff. I did. They were very helpful to me. You need to find the proper path and if you are feeling what you write, you somehow got thrown off it... Also, trash any 'victim' mindsets.

I really like this line:

"I used to know the road,
To the garden, the forest of life…"

I feel you, even though this poem strikes me as a bit cliche regarding the feelings of depression and desperation we all can feel at some time. If you seriously feel this way, email me sometime. But I suggest to you that you might feel tons better if you stop seeking 'God's help' and seek to be 'like' him instead, in the sense that you find a way to reclaim your divinity. Get in touch with your own heart. Put yourself at the center of the circle.

If you aren't happy with something in your life or about yourself, find a way to change it and set to doing so (then at least you will feel a sense of your own power to work towards positive change and your dissatisfactions will be transmuted into action).

Well, there are the silly thoughts your work stirred in me. Hope they were somewhat helpful. You are so right though.. about beauty being in the eye of the beholder. So much is.

"Love is the Life of man." --Swedenborg

Do you know what the word Love truly means?

"As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world... as in being able to remake ourselves." - Mahatma Gandhi

All I can say is I sure wish I knew ten years ago what I know now. I can honestly say I am rather fulfilled and I don't know how many people can.

End ramble. =)