Which one?


The Fog


I walk the world now in the gloaming,
My silken tendrils roaming, roaming.
As though the very air were foaming;
roiling, boiling nether light.

And in the shadows, I do linger,
Grasping without fingers, fingers.
What cold silence I could bring her,
crying, flying from the night.

My dank embrace, her soul is chilling,
See? Her tears are spilling, spilling!
That she feels my touch at all is thrilling,
Sublime, the time ‘tween night and light.

Old fear now as the light grows stronger,
I pray the time be longer, longer!
Where sunlight shines, my mist no longer.
From thee, I flee before the light.


The Ghost


I walk the world now in the gloaming,
My silken tendrils roaming, roaming.
As though the very air were foaming;
roiling, boiling nether light.

And in the shadows, I do linger,
Grasping without fingers, fingers.
What cold silence I could bring her,
crying, flying from the night.

My dank embrace, her soul is chilling,
See? Her tears are spilling, spilling!
That she feels my touch at all is thrilling,
Sublime, the time ‘tween night and light.

Old fear now as the light grows stronger,
I pray the time be longer, longer!
How my heart, in life did wrong her,
No cheer, I fear, my ghostly sight.

Both excellently written. I didn't understand the first one (The Fog) until I read the second one (The Ghost), and then I liked the first one better. The first one is more mysterious, more metaphorical. The second one is very good too, but the concluding lines, while it clarifies what you're talking about, it has the effect of turning off the reader because you're stating in such plain terms what you're talking about. So maybe, stick with the first one, and possibly add a little explanatory footnote or something.

oh, and you might want to rename the first one. "The Fog" is kind of stupid, no offense, mainly because people reading the title will think your poem is about something entirely different (like something associated with the sea), and they won't figure out what the hell you're talking about until the end. Maybe something like "Shadows" would be better, or use the title from the second one.

I had considered "the morning mist" for the first one. As I wrote this, I couldn't decide whether I was writing about the fog or a ghost. I tried to leave it open, but wound up committing in the last verse. So then I went the other way. The fog came first, but the ghost came more easily. Is it acceptable to title it "The ghost or the fog" and leave it as two poems, or shoudl I combine them as the are....Like this:


The Ghost or the Fog

I walk the world now in the gloaming,
My silken tendrils roaming, roaming.
As though the very air were foaming;
roiling, boiling nether light.

And in the shadows, I do linger,
Grasping without fingers, fingers.
What cold silence I could bring her,
crying, flying from the night.

My dank embrace, her soul is chilling,
See? Her tears are spilling, spilling!
That she feels my touch at all is thrilling,
Sublime, the time ‘tween night and light.

Old fear now as the light grows stronger,
I pray the time be longer, longer!
Where sunlight shines, my mist no longer.
From thee, I flee before the light.

I walk the world now in the gloaming,
My silken tendrils roaming, roaming.
As though the very air were foaming;
roiling, boiling nether light.

And in the shadows, I do linger,
Grasping without fingers, fingers.
What cold silence I could bring her,
crying, flying from the night.

My dank embrace, her soul is chilling,
See? Her tears are spilling, spilling!
That she feels my touch at all is thrilling,
Sublime, the time ‘tween night and light.

Old fear now as the light grows stronger,
I pray the time be longer, longer!
How my heart, in life did wrong her,
No cheer, I fear, my ghostly sight.

combining them as you did in your last post is a good solution