Motherhood Fades


My mother said I was really special
Placing blessing on my head,
To her surprise I am like her father,
With scorn still in my eyes,

My uncle too like this man,
Her life and theirs askew,
So on slowly it will divorce,
From each forever wholly,

If the past can resurrect,
When the roles are recast,
The good in us will congregate,
Leaving the misunderstood,

What then can be an answer,
With the purpose of life to allow,
Once a trust has been broken,
And before we fall to dust?

Its nice but it really doesn't flow all that well.

it might not. but it means something.

you're right though, it needs a little work.

I thought it was very well done. Then again, I don't really think rhyme scheme or literary rules or flow really matter when it comes to poetry. Everyone has a certain touch. Anyone read e.e. cummings' stuff? Not exactly orthodox. As long as there's genuine passion for writing and/or the subject, the message and beuty will carry.
~Oh, yes. Good work!

~Best~
Megan

It is definetly good, but is choppy, and does not flow well.

I made some changes to the structure


My mother called me special
Blessing my head,
No surprise I'm like her father,
Scorn within my eyes,

My uncle too, like this man,
Her life and his diverging.
So on slowly it divorces,
From each--forever--wholly,

If the past can meet the present,
If only the roles be recast,
Perhaps we would see anew,
To fathom another as Thou,

Where is our answer?
With the purpose of life to allow,
As trust is broken,
And time slows by.