she lay in bed looking up at the cealing talking to herself.

"nobody cares noone would notice....nobody cares nobody would notice."
she said over and over
all she could think of was what happend. the look on her mothers face as she fell to the floor onto the girls feet, knife in back her mother just looked scared and surprised, a look her mother never made....will never make..again. she could remember the jumping feeling in her stomac wile she ran away from the man that had killer her mother. him chaseing her up the stairs and then falling down, for what felt like forever, to the ground.
all the blood....thats what she keept thinking about. she went down stairs and all the blood all over her mothers clean floor. "mommy" she said tears welling up into her eyes wile she looked down at the bloody caracs of her mother. her picked her up and held her in her arms crying. not thinking, not worrying, nothing. just crying wishing her mother was there to dry her tears to look up at her and say "its ok baby, im not going anywere it was just a dream." O god she wanted that more then anything. but this wasnt a dream...this was a nightmare. the whole world turned into her own nightmare.
she looked up thinking..of how when she was younger hated her. wished she would just leave her alone. but her mother was really the only thing that stayed with her not like her old boyfriends or friends...her mother was allways there. but now gone.


there she sat thinking of it replaying it all in her mind....she got up and went to her window. she looked at the sky she thought she could open the window and get some air but she ended up smashing her head through the glass and pushing herself out of the window. she fell almost like her father had when he fell, landed face up, yet there was one diffrence...she lay dead on the ground,
with a bloody tear in her eye

that SUX

the story?

yeah

my story sucked well thank you make me feel alot better

now SHUT UP

be nice

whatever

telling me to be nice look whose tlaking
havent you heard if you dont have something nice to say then shut the hell up

I didn't think you needed anyone to stroke your ego and could just say what I thought of your post, but guess I was wrong.

guess so

i guess sence i suck i'll just not write anymore thanks dude


bye

o and people (just for further notice) dont want to know that they suck unless they ask for the truth

I DIDNT

you shouldn't try speaking for everyone, Cookie, since you're not speaking for me when you say that people don't want to know that they suck unless they ask for the truth. I don't see anything wrong with the comments from Guest. If you don't like feedback over your posts, don't post. But if you're going to be a baby about it, then how do you expect to get through life?

dude whatever


bye

*sigh*
this kind of response isn't warrented. The goal is constructive criticism. Suggest changes, instead of just insulting and defending your right to insult freely.

i found the story, like he/she said, sad with pretty good imagery.

thank you

hey i think that invisable is a grate writter.... it is just to dumb poeple like you that can't see what see is trying to say.

so get off her back.

Come on folks.....

Ryokira has the right idea.

Please be constructive, otherwise we just end up with a childish shouting match, and I know we can do better than that!

Best regards, Bill.

Okay.. one things.. you guys should NOT be so rude.. period.. and i think her story.. ya it needs wo rk.. but after that little work its an awesome story ok! So eve ryone please be popsitive... and invisable you could of been a bit nicer to guest, but she was pretty negitive!

Thankc!

Loves Dahling

Nikita

Ego Boost: good work!

Critical Comments: it's just poorly written, superficial, overlydramatic, and the ideas are poorly expressed.

please...i dont care what you think ok? i liked writeing because it made me feel good. i asked you not to say bad stuff about it and you did. if im bad at writing then i'll stop writing on mind brain but i think my writing is good so i will write for only myself because im tired so very tired of being told i suck or whatever else you have to say that isnt going to make me feel any better about how much i suck.. so please just stop because i dont care anymore

oops, didn't realize we weren't supposed to offer critical comments.

i didnt ask but say what you want if you want to it dosent matter to me anymore

I encourage your writing. With practice and more experience comes perfection.

so im good not great or i suck and need pratice?

you're good but need more practice