I'm Stuck

It seems that I’m stuck counting the days,
Instead of seeing a pretty pink, I see a dirty gray.
I’ve only become yet another clown.
Who now has a harder time smiling and has more downs.
But what do I do?
How can I get rid of what I already knew?
I’m just stuck, counting the days,
Trying to smile and laugh so many ways.
I’m just a clown, how do I keep going.
My shoe life has just been hiding barely even crying.
Just ignoring so many words to give it another try.
Now I’m just learning, opening up to cry.
Nothing was able to hurt me; nothing would make me want to die.
Now I want to disappear, leave, and go away.
For something has made me want to runaway.
It’s been wanting to make everything my way.
I’m just stuck counting the seconds.
All this just seems to be a bunch of lessons.
Maybe it’s just me.
It could be things are smaller than I make them to be.
But what do I know?
I know that my tears can no longer be held back.
I’ve found that I’m the loneliest clown whose lost her track.
That every moment is longer than before.
Instead of losing a little, I am gaining a whole lot more.
Things have made me so much angrier, feeling more pain.
I fee like I’m bleeding invisible bloodstains.
Creating scars and harmful memories.
None of this feels like normal love stories. But I’m just stuck, stuck in a reality
Wished to be a dream.