I am Sorry....Life with Ana
(Family and "friends" will never be able to understand....)


I'm sorry
I'm sorry that I hurt myself,
sorry that I hurt everyone close to me.

I'm sorry I'm not worthy of your love, your affection, your kindness,
your respect, your friendship.
I am worthy of your abuse,
I am worthy of my own.
I am sorry I can't win my own battles,
or give up my disorder,
but its hard to fight an enemy that has outposts in your head.

I'm sorry that I'm not perfect,
I'm sorry that I want to be.

I am sorry that I can never trust that someone could care for me so
I must test their caring beyond limitation
until they fail me and I feel empty once more.....

I am sorry that I want to be as invisible as I feel,
that I wont give up my search for thinness
until I can count my ribs by touching them one by one.

I don't scream for your attention,
but if you are observant enough you know I plead for it silently.

I don't seek to hurt you,
but if I do I will punish myself for it 1000 times more than you ever could,
but you are welcome to punish me too.

I'm sorry.... for who I am,
what I am, what I will become,
and what I have been.

I don't ask for your forgiveness,
just your understanding.

This is beautiful, my dearest darling girl, and it rings so true to me.

"I'm sorry that I'm not perfect,
I'm sorry that I want to be."

Those lines are, themselves, perfect.

I know exactly how you feel, and you express these feelings perfectly here. You speak for thousands and thousands of people in these clear and eloquently straightforward words, and I, for one, would like to thank you.

I love you, Silke shining in the sky!

*Hoffnung und Widerstand*

AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

AMOR VINCIT OMNIA

Oh what a perfect poem about Ana. Every word may as well be out of my mouth too. Thanks so much for sharing this one with me, with everyone.

Just know you are not alone, that there are others who feel as you do.

(((((HUGS))))))
Dara

~Thanks Steven....
~Thanks Dara....


Silke