remember everything that we used to call fun?
the memories are faded now
that chapter in our lives is done
so fast and i don't know how

we all went our seperate ways
it's been three years and some odd days
and still no word from any of us
we all just disappeared

i'm sure that one of you is still the same
act your age, it's gettin old
the stale drug scene is getting lame
or at least that's what i'm being told

it's been so long since anyone has come around
no one dares step foot on the old stomping ground
it's been so long, i'm better for it and i wouldn't change it any day
memories are meant to fade away and stay away

here is how I would set this poem up

remember everything that
we used to call fun?
the memories are
faded now
that chapter in our lives is
done
so fast and
i don't know how
we all went our seperate ways

it's been three years and
some odd days
and still no word from
any of us--we all--just
disappeared

i'm sure that
one of you is still the same
act your age,
it's gettin old
the stale drug scene is
getting lame
or at least that's what
i'm being told

it's been so long
since anyone has come around
no one dares step foot
on the old stomping ground
it's been so long
i'm better for it
and i
wouldn't change it any day

I dropped the last line. The last line tells me how these memories among your friends have faded away. The rest of the poem showed me how it happened. You gave me great image of how the memories have faded away. Your poem is good. It paints a picture.

Have you read it out loud?

thank you for showing me how you would set up my poem... the last line did kinda kill it though. i don't even read my poems after i write them so no i haven't read it out loud, but i will now that i'm looking at it. thanks for reading and for the critique.

It's hard to critique yourself. George Lucas, (the creater of Star Wars if you aren't familiar,) said something that stuck with me. He said that movies are never finished and that they are an on going process. And much like our lives and our poetry and our relationships there is always unfinished business.

Don't get me wrong, there are authors like Ray Bradbury who never edit a line of the work they do. And for them that is fine. A lot of people think that way. I did.

Some poets have worked on a stack of poems for years before they liked them. You may write something that you don't want to change. That's also ok. It's your poem. Yours and no one elses. I want people to understand my poetry. And when they do I feel the meaning a little bit more.

You may not want to post some of your poems--understandable. Still, you might think of sharing more.

peace
js