To Free, or Not to Free


After maintaining a tenuous hold on the Jews for the last 9 plagues, the Pharaoh, Ramses II has finally caved in to the pressure from the Jewish Liberation Union (JLU). Led by the man who was formerly thought to be the Pharaoh’s son, Moses has made his presence felt since his first public appearance in front of the Pharaoh. He’s quoted as saying “Ramses… Let my people go!” From then on, he’s been a media sensation, and a forerunner in the formation of JLU.

Moses and his brother Aaron introduced the radical new movement with a dramatic stunt involving the transforming of a staff into a snake. Pharaoh’s mystics tried to respond in kind, but the JLU staff-turned-snake swallowed the others, right before the eyes of the entire court. This was a hit amongst the Jewish slaves, as talk of the “Deliverer”, and the “God with no name” was rampant.

Those involved in keeping the slaves in line, primarily those of the “Cruel Taskmasters Society” (CTS), which comprises the largest percentage of Cruel Taskmasters, reported that the slaves were getting more rebellious, and may soon start a strike, or possibly a riot if their demands for improved working conditions are not met.

The JLU continued to gain support and political clout during the bargaining talks with Pharaoh when Moses brought the first of many “plagues” to the people of Egypt. After invoking the power of the God with no name, Moses and Aaron turned the river Nile into a river of Blood with the touch of a staff. Moses’ critics (mostly Egyptian) immediately attacked this act as “strong-arm tactics that have no place in a civilized society” and “a shameless display, obviously meant to get over with the slaves.” Needless to say, opinions of Moses have generally been divided, with the Jews favouring him, and the Egyptians fearing and loathing him.

More plagues followed the first, frogs, swarming insects and wild animals both annoying the Egyptian citizens and driving them into a panic. It’s suspected there was an ulterior motive to the milder plagues. The hearsay is that it was an elaborate ploy to eliminate Moses’ strongest critics, who were incidentally torn apart and savagely eaten by some of the wild animals who ravaged the cities.

Following those attacks, Moses continued to throw his considerable power around both in and out of court. At the end of every bargaining talk, most likely for dramatic effect, Moses continues to play the victim and make his controversial demands, “Let my people go!” All the while throwing more plagues at the hapless Egyptian population. Hundreds and thousands of cattle died when Moses summoned a pestilence to sweep through them. Following that, painful boils started appearing amongst the Egyptian population. The markets, GDP and standard of living during that period all fell to record lows as an immense number of workers all took their sick leaves and collected vacation pay. Investors were not confident enough, and were generally too covered with boils to inject their money into the economy.

The flaming Hail took everyone off-guard. It’s rumoured that while Moses and Aaron pulled strings in their political webs to get a good-sized hailstorm, they were surprised and delighted to find that the hail burned a number of Egypt’s crops, once again crippling Egypt’s economy, most notably in foreign relations and trade. Foreign nations don’t like trading with an unstable country, and unfortunately, flaming hail tends to automatically label a country as “unstable”.

Continuing with the theme of mass starvation and a lagging economy, a theme which Moses seemed to take a particular liking to, he unleashed a vast horde of locusts and grasshoppers to finish off any crops that the flaming hail might have missed. People cried out for action on both sides, the Jews for more “justice” to be delivered unto their masters, and the Egyptians for a stop to the constant and continued plagues instigated by the “insidious and bloodthirsty Jews.”

Pharaoh Ramses is showing signs of stress and his once strong platform of “keep the slaves” falters more and more by the day. He is less convincing during the public debates, and the whole struggle for slavery has visibly taken its toll on him. He’s once described as a gentle, fun-loving leader, known for his sunny disposition. He had the class, charm and strength of character that made him a media darling during his father’s term in the palace. He’s been thought to have the potential to make Egypt, and therefore himself, the greatest leader to ever lead any country that the world has ever seen. Now he is now prone to brood by himself in his chambers, and is constantly arguing with Queen Nefretiri about every little thing. He was fighting a losing battle and he knew it. Some even thought him on the verge of cracking, as he’s touchy to even the slightest criticism in his bargaining strategies.

Many thought it was the end when the darkness swept across the land. After a few days, they realized that they weren’t in the land of the dead, and made several futile attempts to continue business as usual. Alas, this was to no avail, to the maniacal delight of Moses and the JLU. There was a small amount of concern among the JLU that Moses and Aaron had lost their way. Some thought that they took too much delight in their holy vengeance. That they justified whatever heinous crime they decided to commit in the name of the God who has no name. These feelings grew when the tenth and final plague struck the land. Many Jews reluctantly painted their doors with ram’s blood that fateful night, known throughout as: “the night the land screamed bloody murder.”

Moses and the JLU were under a considerable amount of fire. Despite his many campaign promises, his most important one had yet to be fulfilled. He still hadn’t freed his people. Just when the Jews were on the cusp of losing their faith, something unprecedented occurred. Pharaoh Ramses made a public announcement to the people of Egypt, in which he makes an apology to Moses, the JLU, and all the Jews that have been taken as slaves. He agreed to let the slaves go if they would agree to discontinue the plagues and the bloodshed that has been inflicted on his people. The Jews, not waiting for him to change his mind, or possibly risk a violent backlash from the stunned Egyptian population, left the place they had called, “the house of bondage” for 500 years and are last reported as heading in the direction of the Red Sea. After Pharaoh Ramses completed his speech, he promptly turned around and went back to brood next to the dead body of his recently slain son.

The reaction among the populace was mixed. Some were glad to be rid of the troublesome Jews. They were tired of dealing with their newfound sense of self-worth, and with all the plagues that came as a result of their public outcry. Others claimed that the Pharaoh had given up too easily. They maintain that the Egyptians are a strong people, and letting go these slaves go will set a precedent for enslaved civilizations in the future to attempt a rebellion as well. What will occur as a result of the slaves leaving will not be fully felt until Egyptians start having to pay for labour. Most likely, Pharaoh will attempt to enslave another country in order to increase production, and restore the economy to its former stature. The Future isn’t entirely certain, but one thing is for sure: This is a story that will never been forgotten.


Letter to the Editor

I’m from Upper Egypt, and as a member of the CTS, I must start by saying that I’m against this “freeing the slaves”. 500 years and he lets them go after a few minor setbacks? Well, ten to be exact, but that doesn’t excuse the cowardice displayed by our Pharaoh Ramses II. The people of Egypt will not stand for such a blow to their national pride, not to mention the catastrophic effects this will have on our economy. Does he realize how expensive goods and services are going to be now that we don’t have free labour? He’s obviously not considering small businesses or entrepreneurs. Honest, hard-working Slave-traders and Cruel Taskmasters such as myself will be put out of work by this new policy. I think that Pharaoh needs to re-evaluate where his loyalties lie. He’s devastated about losing his first-born, I can understand, so is the rest of the population. The initial shock is over, and the people are hungry for revenge! Even if our leader and protector is too cowed by the Jews to stand up for the most basic Egyptian right to conquer and enslave whom we choose and slay the rest. We must take up the fight!
-Signed, a True Egyptian

heh, 17 views and not one post?
what do you think? good? funny? bad? in poor taste?

be honest