this one sux but oh well

N In your mind the words are there,

Though your mouth can't speak the pain,

You're bodys numb to what you do,

Doesn't matter to anyone or you,

You hide the scars so no one sees,

But if they did who cares,

You know they'd laugh say 'it aint bad'

And go about their way,

Tears fall down your face at night,

Silently they come,

No one hears cuz' no one cares,

Till the day they find your body,

Lying on your tiny bed,

Blood runs to their feet,

Then they say 'now i care'

Then they cry with pain,

But no one really sees,

The tiny scrapes upon your arms,

And the scrapes up in your heart,

Becasue you once heard someone say,

'do it no one cares'

how come you preface your poems with "This one sux!"? It turns off the reader to your poems.

bcuz i think that it sux, i mean didnt you? maybe it does turn off the reader but im trying to be honest

If you think that I would personally write it in itallics... at the end... as like an afternote... but thats just me... because here I am commenting, and I haven't even read it yet... ganji has a very valid point.

Anyway... to read.

Nice idea, though would be nice if you used a wider vocabulary... some more interesting words... more discriptive, it seems quite "bald" I think it needs more raw emotion, I didnt seem to indentify with the character, maybe try re-writing it, as the idea is very good... just in need of a few tweaks ;)

(Well thats my opinion... you can just tell me to shut up...)

lol no dont shut up, i put it on here to hear critisims (cant spell that ord) the only prblem is i dont know any big words lol im dumb

Try using a thesaurus... and by reading others work (and asking for meanings of words) is another good way :)

thank you TRY and no ur right i guess i should use a biger vocab, only i was like.. i donko i tihnk 15 when i wrote that maybe 14 i dont remeber but even know im not big on BIG words bcuz alot of people dont undserstand them.. i know taht the msart ppl (like you ovioulsy) woiuld understand them but then the people like me, wiouldmt.. so lol i dont know but thank you

Sorry to still bother you... hehe

Do what I do. Post your poem with the *big* words... then underneath pinpoint them like:

Xenephobic - fear of strangers.

Then people are grateful, they learn new vocab and they understand your poem! I am far from smart... as most of my writings show.

Keep writing though honey x

lol thank you and that is a good idea and tihnk ur smart lol