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Melissa smiled quietly to herself as the amber light flickered gently across her hand. Comforted by the warmth of the candle, she let the tears subside before pushing any further. Eleven months, she's missed this feeling of completion. The warm oil was smooth on her fingers. She knew she shouldn't. But then again, she knew she shouldn't like him, but she did. Self-harm, she'd never quite thought of it as that. Punishment; she deserved this.

She looked into the mirror, repulsed, look at her, no wonder she was alone. She raised her hand to her right arm and began scratching. Why wouldn't it all go away? She blew out the candle and just sat in the dark. Song lyrics floated around the room, fighting through the smoke, pushing her further.

Three minutes past nine, why was she like this? Sitting on the floor in her own personal hell, she stared at her mobile as Stuart's number flashed on the screen. She couldn't answer, could she? Crying, he'd think a lot of that. She whispered softly to herself, "Come on, Mel, you're stronger than this, come on, things can be okay". Not the same when you are telling yourself though, is it. She cancelled the call, and began to trace the marks along her arm.

"I never meant to hurt you. Please don't do this to me. I don't hate you, how can I when I feel so strongly for you. I'm sorry" A text from Stuart, his timing, perfect. She read it through at least four times, why was life so difficult. Her skin felt wrong, itching to break and tear away. Slowly she took the thin piece of slate from her trouser pocket, why did he have to love her? Why did he have to be so far away? Why wasn't here with her? She closed her eyes, and pressured the sharp slate deep into her arm.

The pentagram looked better on her arm, messy but the imperfection suited her. Why is it that in the morning things always manage to seem ten times worse, or if you are lucky, slightly better. What changes? Melissa pulled her wrist supports on, and threw the scarf around her neck. Monday mornings were always the worst, college was such a challenge.

He saw her from across the road; she looked beautiful as usual, her hair flowing with the breeze. The smile on her face, false as always. Mel flinched as he grabbed her waist. Why was she so conscious of her body? “How are you darling?” The question didn’t need answering, her eyes said everything. She turned towards him and was instantly encased in his arms. “Okay, forget I asked. You know I’m here for you though. Always.” He paused and reached for her arm. “We’ll sort this out”.

Melissa looked up to him, his eyes were sincere, maybe it really was time to explain. “Thanks, Stu. Tonight?” He nodded in agreement.

Mel led Stuart into her room, nothing was said. The walls said everything. Black candlestick holders were everywhere, half burned red and white candles, alternated. The room smelt distinctly of burning flesh, masked slightly by vanilla. He looked at the scratched mirror, and traced his index finger around where she had etched the word ‘Unpretty’. Random words had been written on every blank part of wall. Just like her inked journals.

She looked into his eyes and knew he understood. He slowly took hold of her arm and removed her left wrist support, she looked at him with tears in her eyes, “Don’t, please”. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and let it drop to the floor. Tears rolled down her face.

“A perfect match”, whispered Stuart, a perfect pentagram was etched deep into his chest. “Now stop saying I don’t understand.”

She stared at him in disbelief; her heart ached, “Why did you do it?”

“You were hurting; I needed to show you are not alone. You never listen to me, just sit and draw. Ignore what’s happening to you. Face it Mel. I want to help you. Don’t be scared or ashamed, please darling, for me.” He looked at her expectantly; she caught his gaze before turning away.

“You think it’s that easy? To stand here and tell you everything, you want to know my reasons, no, of course you don’t. I’m just here when you please.” Her tone was accusing.

“I’m always here. You’re just blocking me out Mel, like you always do. Why don’t you accept what I feel for you? Remember in October, you said you loved me, maybe you didn’t mean it, but I sure as hell did.”

Melissa sat down on the bed and turned towards him. “I love you. Is that all you want to hear? Well, it’s true and I’ve said it. But you know how it feels to be alone, standing in the rain, blood dripping from my arms. Wanting you, knowing you don’t want me…” her voice faltered and tears began to trickle down her face, “…and you don’t care about me.”

Stuart raged. “I don’t care? Listen to yourself Mel, to what you’re saying. Don’t you understand that I love you? I would do anything for you, Mel”, she looked away, “look at me, please.” Stuart sat down beside her, and wiped a solitary tear from her cheek. “I’m sorry darling; do you want me to leave?”

Melissa looked deep into his eyes, and smiled. She reached for his discarded shirt that lay by her feet. “Please”, his face fell as she handed the shirt back to him. “Just take me with you; I need to get away from this.”

His eyes brightened. “Of course.” He thought to himself, and his mouth lifted to a smile, maybe she was starting to understand.

Outside the air was fresh; December had arrived in magnificent style. Melissa looked more fragile than ever, her fingers were a pale shade of blue yet she insisted she was fine. They had been walking in the rain for nearly an hour. “Do you want to go somewhere warmer darling”, Stuart ventured, “we can go back to mine if you like?” Melissa nodded, and slipped her hand into his.












i didnt write this but i love it so much and it took me awile to find so dont delete it