A Child To Overcome, An Adult To Become…


To be a child without security, is to become an adult that cannot understand what security is, or have it to believe in. The constant process of being given, and having taken away, puts fear of abandonment into the spotlight of my “self-help� process. Abandonment is someone else’s act of leaving, when I am just beginning to trust my opening heart. The exit leaves me wondering the value of my heart, and of my offered love.

How long does it take for the feeling to go away that the entire world is an earthquake, and that the ground that I stand upon is just another series of shakings waiting to happen?

Being afraid of opening up and giving love without reservation, for having the dreaded sensations arrive. Wondering whether if it is the simple act of experiencing love close up, that is the catalyst that results in an emotional earthquake. To feel the cloak of love, and have it wrap itself around me in the most delicious sense of homemade warmth, yet trying not to notice the ever-present bony hand of doubt that threatens to strip it from my shoulders. The earthquake waits, until my heart has become open enough for it to feel hurt, and then the shift begins.

Many people have studied this phenomenon of nature’s earthquakes, with all of their pricey pieces of equipment and enthusiastic book smarts. My simple theory about earthquakes is that to understand the process, all one would have to do is fall in love. My heart’s opening is the same as a deep-down tremor. And the earth shakes just as love is starting to feel on solid ground. Something cataclysmic, that moves two beings in separate direction true to plate-tectonic style.

I fear having the ground drop out from under me and swallow me whole. I have fear of losing security. Fear that love is not able to reside with me in my house. I am afraid of the cold and the shadows that my trickster heart yields. A consistent trend of comings and goings that have made the scar within bleed each time. Why do I feel as if somehow I have been chosen for this fear-filled burden? What part of the universe decided that I was strong enough to be tested like this? Life teasing my heart, showing it only a glimpse, and yet my feet remain attached to ground that is only an illusion. Where is the rock for me to rest my face against, to feel the soothing coolness and strength?

With its many highs and lows, love is such a beautiful thing. I see it to be the richest, most challenging, and most worthwhile part of the great human effort. So why have I been chosen to experience all of this seismic activity?

My biggest question, is there something greater yet to come? Perhaps when I stand with my face to the answer, it will be because I have learned a necessary lesson.

Hi,

I'm not sure if you were expecting any responses to your post, but I felt I had to because I see in you a reflection of myself.

In response to your last question, yes there is more, don't stop looking, ever.

I have been intrigued to read all of your posts since you joined, you have my greatest respect.

Thank you Laz, for your gracious words and interest....
~Suzette

Wow... seemed to me more like an analysis, an essay, more than a short story. I liked it though. Kind of got drawn in... strange... anyway. Thanks for posting so I could read such work. Much enjoyed xxx

I think the reason I put it in short stories,,, is because it is part of my large story that I'm working on. Some days (most), I feel as if I have lived enough for several people..... So hopefully withing 6-9 months I will have secured a publisher...

Thanks, I value feedback....

wow I liked this, a lot. and I wish I knew the answer to your biggest question.