Dark Art

I slice thru my skin, to feel the flesh part

It almost looks like a piece of dark art

The blood takes its form, a bead of a pearl

Then drips down my arm, the room begins a swirl

Blood pulsating out with every beat of my heart

All is quiet, and dark, I feel myself drift apart

This world is so cruel, I'm sick of this life,

Finally is see an end of my strife


Copyright ©2003 Cynthia Lee

An interesting idea, if a little strange. Seems a little saddistic.

No in honesty, it was a decent piece of writing. Most of it followed a set pattern and most of it rhymed.

Wow - you're absolutely right!!!!
Thanks for the feed back!!!
~Cyn

Hi cynlee,

I don't like rewriting peoples work, but I can't PM you so it will have to go here.
I have tried to get the same number of syllables in each line so that the flow sounds right.
It is the same as Meklo says really. An expert would be able to tell you more about syllable structures!

I've had to change some words to contract it slightly, so it may have lost your essential meaning. It a sombre piece but well thought out [your work I mean, not mine].

Dark Art

I slice thru my skin, to feel the flesh part

It almost looks like a piece of dark art

The blood takes its form, a bead of a pearl

Then drips down my arm, the room starts to swirl

Blood pulsating out each beat of my heart

All is calm and dark, as I drift apart

This world is so bad, I'm sick of this life,

Finally is see an end of my strife.

All the best, Bill.

Thanks Bill that is a lot better!!!!
I appreciate your help

~Cyn