the pain will not sacrafice
me to be free
the pain will not die
it lives within me...
laced in the tears I cry
alone or with friends
the tears that I can't cry
and...
the tears that I have refused to cry
pour out of me like crimson red blood now
a waterfall of emotion
I can no longer escape
I lie myself down
giving into the mercy
of the avalance of pain
falling on top of me
like the edge of the cliff
I stood at so long ago
This is REAL!!



Chrissy M. Pierce

it IS real.

cool

Careful, "Unknown", how you phrase things, in commentary to these posters writes, please, as you are bordering, on what otherwise, could be seen as inflammatory commentary.

And if, I am wrong, then I aplogise.

Sorry guys, I ammended this, reply for it was not meant toward the poster of this topic.
I am sorry that I had not worded that better.
I meant no offense.

Thanks Steven.
Aiyana

Chrissy was one of the founding members of this forum. I was Poet in Residence at VoicesNet.com, and got thrown off and banned for being too liberal; Chrissy, Dara, my late friend Sander Maltelid and I came here with the promise of better things from Shawn. We were "the band of the banned," remember? Shawn created the forum with we few those "present at the creation." I began things with a "manifesto," and some poems; I remember Shawn posting asking people to please not flame us in our exile.

Chrissy, life is hard and has gone hard with all of us; this forum has been through bad times of late; Silke and I have come under the most vicious personal attack imaginable. Some have left, some are leaving, some who hurt us not only get away with it but flourish and are rewarded for it.

Silke and I are closer than ever. She has cancer, heart problems, every challenge imaginable, and she has been through hell. I went through years of legal struggles but seem to have landed on my feet. This forum was the salient feature of my life, but it's ruined for me now. I feel like I have lost Shawns's support. But I am a stubborn little bastard, as you will remember; I'm staying. I'm hurt, I'm angry, but I'm staying. There are those who want me to leave, maybe even with the backing of the administration, despite my financial support and endless efforts on behalf of this site; therefore if I left now not only would I walk away from a considerable investment, but I would satisfy the unworthy.

I have published books, and the same flamers who persecute me here savage them with negative ratings. It is even worse for kind people who try to defend me; I choose not to go into detail in public, but many have suffered in my name, and it makes me sick and sad. There have been the most virulent ad hominem libels about me personally, and the most vicious and criminal death-threats which the eyes could ever meet written and posted here and directed at Silke with the express purpose of making her sicker. Cruelty.

Chrissy, I am glad to see you back here with us. It is time to renew our old alliance. If I hurt your feelings in the past, I beg you to forgive me. Come back, and stand in solidarity with me now in this struggle to the death here in the forum which you helped to found and to create.

I have to go to the doctor now; I will probably be late, but I have been avoiding the site and the pain and just dared to take a peek before going to the doctor and saw your name again, and it made me happy. We need you now. I used to smoke and drink and swagger, I know. Pneumonia made me quit smoking, the love of Silke made me quit drinking, and all of this torture on the site here, on top of all the other pain of life, has certainly knocked the swagger out of me.

Come back and stand with us again. Let the past belong to the past, let us transcend this present nightmare, and let the future belong to us. My dream with Silke came true. I want all of our dreams to come true. I want us all to be happy. You are a beautiful and kind and wise person, Chrissy; I want you to be happy too, and I want you to be with us. Again. We need you now.

Hi Chrissy,

Long time no chat!
I can remember chatting with you way back - and how I admired your courage in being able to support others in distress when you were suffering sooooo..... much yourself.

I believe that even if people don't reply to your posts, their very existence [which such do read] reminds them of 'but for the grace of God go I'.

It reminds people to to draw breath and be thankful for what they have but don't realise!

I do hope you will stay with us, learn with us, and help us to comprehend how to cope with adversity.
I have the greatest respect for you and wish you some respite.

All the best, Bill.

Sorry, Rick, perhaps I misunderstood.

You did NOT misunderstand; your insight was working perfectly. Not everything which is said is spoken.

Chrissy is my once and future friend. She fought for me when this happened to me at VoicesNet. I pray that she will fight for me again, and that my friend Rick will use his influence with his protogee Annie and our mutual friend Shawn to prevent abuse of Silke and me upon these pages which we have loved and paid for so dearly for so long.

Yes, it IS real! The quality of your words and emotions in this poem, Chrissy.