wow goals! so much motivation in the air and determination! I wish you all nothing but success in meeting your goals!!! I would like to lose 100 pounds TODAY!!!! :-/ not 15 pound by a certain dat which would seem realistic and reasonable!! but not my goal! I want to stop shoving food in my face trying to keep the hurt at bay!! I want people to stop saying oh you will look so much better if you lost weight!! :'( You see what you see is not who you get I am more inside than some realize! I want to stop going hours without eating and almost passing out because I binged and ate so much I feel like I could live off my reserves for days!! My eating disorder for me is extreme I will go from not eating ANYTHING! to eating EVerything in site and then get comments like don't eat the plate too!  :'( Haha really funny yeah ok! or you would eat your own arm if there was no food around! where do people get these things?? ??? and the sad part is sometimes it's my dad who say's it! :-/ >:(  I am sopose to be starting on a fasting med by my doctor! but will it even work! Doubt it I have struggled with this since I was 13 now I am 23 everytime there is a stressful situation I eat! Everytime I am depressed I eat and everytime I feel guilty about eating I starve!!! I even go as far as to hide when I eat trying to keep it a secret though I don't do it so much anymore! I will shiove the food in my mouth until I can't taste the food anymore and then I curl up and cry I could never ,ake my self throw up I have tried! but i fel if I do the pain will come up with it and the whole thing about me eating is to try and keep the pain down indise of me burried so I don't have to feel it! sort of like sugar coating it pushing it aside! Does any of this make any sense!!!!! ??? :-/ Food to me was self medication it still is! It is like a person cutting themselves! I do this to dull the pain! I continue hurting myself when before I never knew it was my way of life now I know and I become apathetic and continue on! I have tried to replace it by smoking etc but it's not the same!!! :-/ Ok I am going to stop for now Lease I hope you all read this because my eating disorder is not quite like Bilimia or ana so I can never say I could fully understand what you all face :-[ but I do have empathy! My eating disorder is not well known or publicized but it is just as painful to live with!! :-[ I just wanted to get this out cuz it is so damn hard living with this everyday! :-[

Thanks for letting me share

Love always,
Chrissy