I am so frustrated today, fed up with myself, with life in general. People think this ED is so SIMPLE to recover from, but it is hard as HELL to even BUDGE in the right direction. I know it sems stupid, superficial to some even, but it is NOT about vanity reasons.
I am not a stupid person, I am a teacher, I am married and have somewhat of a life here, but I feel like I am going to lose it all over this, and I cant do anything to stop this from happening. See, people may think, sure I can do something to fix myself, but they dont realize that I will go absolutely crazy in the process, and probably end up killing myself.
Sorry for the depressing post, I dont think anyone cares, or even reads here anymore, so I am safe to write as gloomy as I feel...

Love,
Dara

Hi Dara,

I think you do know that some people care about your situation!

Your frustration is a sure sign that you can and will cope with this situation.

You want to change things, but can't, yet.

This must be the most annoying of situations, and I sympathise totally with you, even though my problem is over-eating.
I saw in my paper today that they have found the gene which is not working in me. It should say 'you've had enough' but lies there in silence!

I just hope and pray they soon find the one that says 'I'm hungry' and that you are one of the first to get a supply! [don't blame me, though, if you suddenly start climbing the weight scales and become fat]!

You are obviously a thoughtful and a caring person with the ability to understand situations. I really urge to stand back and take a deep breath: try to focus onto something which is equally important to you. You will find solace and when you come back to your worrying thoughts you may be better able to cope them.

I fully understand that we are not in control of some things, and this is very frustrating. BUT, you are in control of being alive each day, and using your capacity to help others. I do wish I could help you more directly, but at least you know that someone is thinking of your situation.

Best regards, Bill.

Thanks Bill,

I really do appreciate your kind words. Thank you for being understanding even though we dont share the same problem. I ma just upset today more then usual. I see a therapist, and well, I guess she is doing her job RIGHT, because when I left today, my "logic" about not eating was totally messed with!

Apparently, my philosophy on living life one day at a time is doing myself damage, cause every day I live as I do, I hurt myself, not that I care, but other people do...that I find fascinating, and disturbing at the same time.

I did take a step back, as you said, and focused on my beautiful cat, Bart, pictured to the left of all my posts. She had surgery last week to remove cancerous tumors, and she is doing wonderfully now. I had to think of her and realize that SHE is important, and she is doing better then I could expect for a cat of ANY age, let alone a cat of 15 who has had surgery 3 times prior to this one. She makes my life worth living, worth fighting for!

Thanks again for the kind reply.

Love,
Dara

Thank you for your quick reply.
Good living Bart, and cheer her up some more!
Tell Bart that was for her.
Bye for now....

Dara,I hear you sister...
Life with anorexia sucks....

To eat or not to eat...that is the question.


Silke

Yes, to eat or not to eat...
I would be in trouble if I answered honestly...but, you KNOW!

Love ya,
Dara!

Yeah....to eat or not to eat.....

It is so HARD to eat...so hard to HAVE to gain weight(for health reasons....)

My doctor tells me to atleast eat 2500 Kalories a day(right....)
Forget it.....
If I have a "good" day perhaps I can eat 400 Kcal.....
There are days when I CANT EAT AT ALL.


I still see myself as FAT.
TOO fat to eat.

i can't begin to understand the complexities of anoxeria, but what i can understand is that you feel down and i want to wish you well, be strong.
i'll say a pray for you

Silke,
We are in the same situation I see. My T is trying to get me to eat at least 1200 cals a day for starters. We have been working on this for months and I an not even close to that number. Basically I tell her it is impossible.
For most of society eating is a natural, enjoyable process. For a few of us eating is nothing close to natural, never enjoyable and always traumatic. Most people dont get this, I explain it to my T like this...Imagine if I tell YOU that you have to eat 1200 calories in dog poop each day no matter what, no excuses, even if you HATE IT! It wouldnt be easy, it would be miserable, she would come up with excuses and feel sick as soon as she tried...this is how I can explain my dislike for food. And that is only ONE of the complexities of this ED...then there is the fat, and that is a WHOLE other story!

love,
Dara

Well....all I know is;
I will NEVER be able to eat 2500 kcals a day.
No way.

Too fat.

It is nigh impossible as akhtar says, for folk with typical eating habits to comprehend how you guys 'see' food, whether because you think you are overweight or not.

Because of my depressive illness, I had to try many different medications before I found one that suited me. And, I took one of them in two separate periods of time. The odd thing was that on the second occasion, I completely lost my appetite for food. It was frightening; sheer terror was the feeling or thought that I experienced. I lost 11 lbs. in one week! The sight of food in front of me made me feel sick. This is the only time in my life when I have been 'off' food!

After one week of this, I changed my medication !!!
My appetite returned immediately.

I suspect that my experience was only a fraction of what you have to try and cope with. I did not 'think' I was too fat [even though I was and am]. Nonetheless, this experience allows me to 'feel' for you. The fact that a silly little tablet was all that was needed to switch my brain to another state might give you some confidence to expect a better outlook sometime in the future!
I sincerely hope the experts can sort out this complicated situation for all anorexic and bulemic? sufferers.

My best regards, Bill.

Dear Bill,
Thank you for your kind reply;for sharing your experienses...



Take care.

Silke