Can you think of someone or some group of people who you don't particularly approve of? Then can you find a way in your heart to make room to accept these very people you don't approve of for some reason?
I will give an example...
I am a STRICT vegaterian, goin on 11 years in April. I am an animla lover, and animal rights activist! I REALLY find it sad and painful to think about people who like to hunt and kill animals for a sport. On the same token, I decided that I need to respect all people, even those who go against a core belief of mine. Now, this dosent mean I condone hunting...personaly, I am quite against it. BUT if someone I know is a hunter, I decide to keep MY feelings and MY beliefs to myslef. It is something that people do. I may not do it, I may not like it, but I feel like I have NO right to not like someone because of somehting they think is ok to do. NOW, I use hunting as an example, and inside I am thinking that i really DON'T accept people who are hunters into my life. But that makes sence, as we tend to be friends with people who share similar values and beliefs as we do. BUT, I make a POINT to be nice, to be civil to all people. If I decide I cannot like someone or be friends with someone, it will always be AFTER I get to know them. I make it a rule not to pre-judge, or be prejudice towards anyone.

i hope in my example I didn't offend anyone, as I didn't mean to. I was just usimg myself as an example, thats all.

Are there any other people or groups that YOU do not agree with? How can you find room to accept these people, or person without going against your own values and beliefs? I tell you, it can be done. It takes some work, but it can be done!
NOW, I would NEVER be accepting of someone who abuses children or tortures animals. Because thatt is violent and illegal. But, if it is a mere difference in values or beliefs, I can make my way to acceptance!
I would LOVE to hear others thoughts and opinions. Maybe we can brainstorm how to be more accepting towards others??

How about people with mental retardation or disabilities living in group homes in YOUR neighborhood? I used to work for a group home that was tormented by the community due to the people living there who were disabled. They were just different. Some were in wheelchairs, some were living with autism. Just different, not bad, not illegal, just different! We used to get harassed by neighbors all the time, simply because of a lack of understanding and acceptance. What would you do in this situation? What if it were your loved one who was disabled?  How could you overcome the feeling that you DON't want neighbors that are disabled living next-door?

Think about it, and hopefully respond! I would love to get a good conversation with lots of ideas going here!
All my love, Dara

Dear Dara,

I'm excited and delighted to be a moderator under your tutelage. I've never done it before and don't know anything about doing it, so feel free to fill me in on anything you think I need to know. I'm glad we have a peace forum where tolerance and kindness can grow.
I'm looking forward to everyone's input and learning as much as I hope to share.

Have you found that treating people who eat meat in a non-threatening manner while living your life true to your own standards has changed anyone you have come into contact with? Have your friends thought about your viewpoint and treated you with respect as well? Recently, for medical reasons, I've started a no lacto, ovo, meat, fish or poultry diet for the next year.
So far, I haven't missed anything but fish. However,
on one of my visits to Asia, I saw the way they "prepare" lobster (a euphemism for kill) and can't eat it anymore. It totally changed my ability to eat a living creature. Do you think self-awareness on issues comes in dribs and drabs or in one big wave of understanding, or through exposure to ideas that are different from our own?  I hope our forum makes a real difference in this world.

Janice

Welcome Janice! I am thrilled to be a moderator with you! Just keep the conversations flowing, and all will be well!

As for the vegetarian question you brought up, I think I have enlightened those who are closest to me, as they are the ones who take the time to ask questions and really isten to WHY I don't eat meat. As a matter of fact, half of my family switched to veggie burgers and veggie products, cutting their consumption of meat priducts in half! I was quite proud! I will tell youthat i NEVER preach to tohers though. I only offer info if I am asked. I will respond more in a bit...have to finish cooking dinner(shicken) for my husband! He is a carnivore, by the way!

Love, Dara

Hi Toneta,

Since I'm a newbie, one of my answers to you isn't right next to your entry on our forum. It's in the Donations section. As I get the hang of this, you'll hear more from me where it should be. I hope you got to the source of your anemia problems.

All the best,

Janice

Toneta, I must say this..."to each his own!"

Maybe those people who are trying to keep you as a vegan when you medically cannot, makes me uncomfortable! I am sure it made  you uncomfortable as well!

I NEVER preach to others that they should or shouldn't eat meat, or anything for that matter! Most likely because since I was 16 and became a vegetarian, most people try to force me to eat meat, or see things their way! It is annoying to say the least! So, I make certain I NEVER do that to anyone! I never would...to each his own! I wish people would stop doing that to me!

Uh...I forgot the point behind this post, maybe there was NO point???
Sorry, it has been a LOOOONG day!

Love to all, Dara

Hey Dara,

I've been a hard-core vegetarian for about 15 years.  I stopped eating meat (livestock, poultry, fish, seafood) because I objected to the cruel breeding and slaughtering conditions in our society.  As time went by, the lifestyle took me to an even deeper appreciation of animal rights and welfare.  I use vinyl shoes and purses, don't buy wool, etc.

My husband, however, is omnivorous.  I think one of the bases of our (very happy) marriage is mutual respect.  Paul completely supports my choice, and I never criticize him when he eats meat.  I also don't try to convert Paul to my cause.  If he wants to talk about the subject, we do, but in a reasonable way (i.e. I do my best to avoid lecturing or moralizing).  Paul's told me that he agrees with and respects my lifestyle and, if he had the self-discipline, he'd adopt it for himself.  Who knows...maybe someday, when he's ready...

Now, if I could just apply this example, from my own life, to all other aspects of my day-to-day existence!  Peace and harmony are wonderful things.

XXOO
Lori

Dear Lori,

I think self-awareness is the key to understanding others. When we discover we're not perfect, we're not so inclined to spend our time trying to change someone else, when the only person we can truly change is ourselves. I have come to a greater awareness of the rights of others in this world and, I hope, that has made me a more careful person..careful not to offend others, careful not to take away their rights, careful not to assume that because I'm human, I have the right to kill and eat other living creatures. I, too, am appalled by the way animals are slaughtered, and even their very existence while they are alive, such as chickens. The way we treat the rest of the world is the way we will eventually be treated. I wonder what we can do to bring more awareness to others, to truly make it a kinder, gentler world. Any suggestions?

Sincerely,
Janice

Hi Janice,

Dostoyevski said, "The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons", meaning that we should value our worth by how we treat the lowliest among us.

I wonder what he would have written about medical research laboratories and slaughterhouses?

Lori

Congrats to Dara and Janice and all who have posted here and were involved in making this forum possible! we are all off to a good start in promoting awareness about the acceptance of other regardless of personal choices such as being a vegitarian! I am very proud of all of you and the topics and conversations here are amazing! I don't agree with hunting either and I am interested in knowing more about the life of a vegetarian Dara! I think it is a neat belief you have and I am proud that you are able to remain strong in your beliefs I am sorry to hear obout your anemic problems I wish you improved health in the future I to have a problem with iron! I would love to commend Janice for being able to talk with her husband and the mutaul respect they have for each other! I agree with Dara Acceptance is soothing and we are on our way to learing how to soothe all people regardless! Dara when you said are there any groups that you disagree with I wsas thinking Yes I disagree with hunting and the slaughtering of animals and someon brough up a good point when talking about these issues and also testing on lab animals I believe but there is one group I disagree with that has nothing to do with these topics but I disagree with racism and racist groups and people who are determined to bring up their children to be racists and believe in the idea of racism! Part of this is my background and my kind nature. I am part Puerto Rican and I never meant the people I inherited this from and it has made me stand strong against it!!! How do you all feel about this and what abut abortion groups who are for abortions in some states I think this is illegal! but this is a very strong topic I am totally against but I don't condone bombing of abortion clinics I don't think violence is right at all but it happens more and more. This is a moral issue for me I think it is murder and I hate the thought of abortion being used as birth control I will stop now so as not to step on anyones  toes I was just making conversation sorry to offend anyone!? If I did! I think our world has become judgemental and has been judgemtal long enough let us all have a voice and hepl to stop the judging of others as Dara said I also know what it is like to be judged I was at the hands of scornful and very painful judgement! I was disabled growing up and treated diffrently because of it but deep down I was just like anyone else I was once told if we take off our skin nothing matters color becomes nothing for without out skin we are all the same.
                                                           Love always,
                                                          Chrissy
The way animals and disable people get treated makes me sick for I was there I was on the other side of the face. I have seen the painful damage that can be caused by judgemetal scorn Hate is then born and hate is what we are trying to erase

Dear Chrissy,

I learned a lot from your post. I'm so glad you chose to speak out in our forum. It's okay to be against abortion, if that's what you believe. I don't think anyone wants you to hang back expressing your beliefs here as long as we all respect each other's viewpoints. I don't believe children should be aborted (wow..I have probably even phrased that politically incorrectly) but I take issue with those who would save a life by taking another life. Murder is murder anyway you use it.
I also have problems with giving birth to an anencephalic baby with no brain, who will never live more than a few days or hours and may cause future pregnancies to be impossible. I see no point in bringing that life to fruition. I also have problems with anti-abortionists who are willing to kill doctors but are not willing to support the live births to mothers who don't want children who then beat the six year old to death as we often read about in papers. I, myself, don't want an abortion but I don't think I have the right to dictate whether someone else can get one. Is this selective reasoning? Does it even make sense? I'm not sure. I do know that after reading posts from Dara in this column, when I was offered a suede skirt two days ago, I blurted out without thinking, "I don't wear animals!" I didn't mean to be insulting. It was just how I felt coming from the heart. My friend gave me a strange look but I felt the truth of those words. As a foster mother, I have seen firsthand the heartbreak and abuse of unwanted children. Unable to take them all in, I've wondered why society squanders the best of our nation, it's babies and children, and wonders why there is so much pain and suffering in this world.

Last, but not least, Chrissy, I want to address your handicapped life. There is an excellent article in last Sunday's New York Times about a lawyer with a genetic spine defect who has argued at Princeton University that her life has been as full and productive, if not more so than any others. If you can get a copy of this newspaper, you would see that is reminds everyone of the value of your life. What gifts do you bring to the rest of us?

I am Scot, Swedish, English, Norwegian and Lithuanian, 100% American. I don't hate any other nationality because my heritage could have been any other five mixed together. I've seen enough prejudice from religions and races in my own family and the schisms it has caused and think that it's about time that we all realized the world is a shared gift. Those aren't strings holding us together--they're ribbons!

Sincerely,
Janice

Dear Peta,

You are so right about racism being a horrible pox on this world, worse than anthrax. There is NO use for it.
All people want to be safe, happy, well-fed, trusted and
have hopes and dreams for the future. That's really all that counts, not the color of anyone's skin. We are not a homogenous society and never will be but race should never be a part of who we keep in our lives and who we keep out. What can we do to bring about more racial harmony?

Janice

Peta,
Sometimes I feel as I am not an Earthling at all..like I got dropped here form another planet!  :o

Love, Dara

Hi Dara,

I couldn't help commenting on your "dropped off by aliens" feelings. I have figured out that I was left by the tooth fairy under someone's pillow in revenge for wisdom teeth that were too heavy for her to lug away.
BTW--How do I get my messages? I'm a cyberbimbo, too.

All the best,
Janice

Jnaice, You made me laugh! LOL

As for your messages, when it says, Hey Janice, you have 5 messages, click on the # of messages you have.

Good luck dear!

Love, Dara

Funny, even as a kid, I always felt as if I didnt belong here. I guess moving from school to school, I really got to experience life as the "outsider" looking in. So, it kind of sticks with me today. I always fel like I am observing people as if I am not of the same species! Odd, I know, but true!

Love, Dara

Growing up I often felt like an 'alien.' People have certain expectations of you when you look a certain way or come from a certain place. I still encounter that sometimes.

I am not alone! WOW, I love it here, I really am not the ONLY one in the world like me!

I love this site, and everyone on it!!!!

Love, Dara

Dear Roachman,

    Everyone fails to meet the expectations of others. Since you can't please everyone, you might as well please yourself. That way, at least one of you is happy.
Of course, this theory has its limitations as in not doing something destructive for the rest of the world to deal with. But if the values, beliefs, and actions you own
are genuine, they will benefit all of us by your peace and happiness. You can then share your good feelings with all of us.

Best wishes,
Janice

There is so much good stuff discussed here that it hardly seems a stone is left unturned, but I shall add my bit anyway. The original point by Dara about acceptance is a thorny one. I am also vegan, anti-racist etc., yet I find myself, in the course of everyday life, able to accept people with quite opposite viewpoints, provided that they do not shove their offensive opinions in my face; when they do, I tend to give short shrift. And yet when I see the upper-class hunting fraternity or the Union-Jack-emblazoned racist thugs on television (I am UK-based!), I feel a huge welling anger, coupled with a desire to wipe these kinds of people out. Perhaps this is indicative of a kind of fundamental difference between theory and practice; television is capable of highlighting aspects of people that are not quite so pronounced normally. Perhaps most people are sufficiently complex to almost mask their vile habits beneath a veneer of humanity.

So, although the idea of acceptance is very much of the Buddhist teaching, I tend to draw a subtle line: I accept the fact of opposite opinions, but I will never accept the legitimacy of repressive, exploitative or purely derisive ideas. We must continue to oppose these viewpoints by all reasonable means; after all, as is said in that world bestseller, all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.

QUOTE

Can you think of someone or some group of people who you don't particularly approve of? Then can you find a way in your heart to make room to accept these very people you don't approve of for some reason? I will give an example... I am a STRICT vegaterian, goin on 11 years in April. I am an animla lover, and animal rights activist! I REALLY find it sad and painful to think about people who like to hunt and kill animals for a sport. On the same token, I decided that I need to respect all people, even those who go against a core belief of mine. Now, this dosent mean I condone hunting...personaly, I am quite against it. BUT if someone I know is a hunter, I decide to keep MY feelings and MY beliefs to myslef. It is something that people do. I may not do it, I may not like it, but I feel like I have NO right to not like someone because of somehting they think is ok to do. NOW, I use hunting as an example, and inside I am thinking that i really DON'T accept people who are hunters into my life. But that makes sence, as we tend to be friends with people who share similar values and beliefs as we do. BUT, I make a POINT to be nice, to be civil to all people. If I decide I cannot like someone or be friends with someone, it will always be AFTER I get to know them. I make it a rule not to pre-judge, or be prejudice towards anyone. i hope in my example I didn't offend anyone, as I didn't mean to. I was just usimg myself as an example, thats all. Are there any other people or groups that YOU do not agree with? How can you find room to accept these people, or person without going against your own values and beliefs? I tell you, it can be done. It takes some work, but it can be done! NOW, I would NEVER be accepting of someone who abuses children or tortures animals. Because thatt is violent and illegal. But, if it is a mere difference in values or beliefs, I can make my way to acceptance! I would LOVE to hear others thoughts and opinions. Maybe we can brainstorm how to be more accepting towards others?? How about people with mental retardation or disabilities living in group homes in YOUR neighborhood? I used to work for a group home that was tormented by the community due to the people living there who were disabled. They were just different. Some were in wheelchairs, some were living with autism. Just different, not bad, not illegal, just different! We used to get harassed by neighbors all the time, simply because of a lack of understanding and acceptance. What would you do in this situation? What if it were your loved one who was disabled?  How could you overcome the feeling that you DON't want neighbors that are disabled living next-door? Think about it, and hopefully respond! I would love to get a good conversation with lots of ideas going here! All my love, Dara

I agree with you Dara!
This planet is just one great big ball of prejudice.
Usually I just ignore it all.