ok i mean you guys are talking all about physical. but i mean is emotionall, verbal, mental, is that abuse? becasue that is wht i got. alot. not for along time but alot. i mean its not like i was good to begin with, becasue i am ugly, but still, i mean it hurtz right? Roze P.S. Help me please?

Roze,

First, let me say that emotional, verbal, mental abuse hurts as bad as any abuse does. Abuse is abuse is abuse...one is not better or worse than another. It all hurts, it all leaves lasting mental scars, and effects us for the rest of our lives.

You can write more about your experiences here, and there are many loving people who will communicate with you, support and understand you.

You wrote that you were not good to begin with because you are ugly. I feel like I need to tell you how I view that comment. Beauty is subjective, beauty is in the eye of the beholder; ugly, pretty, these words are all based on societal standards. I look for beauty on the inside of people. I know MANY people who are subjectively beautiful, but are NOT nice people at all. And to me, they are the ones who are ugly.  We are very hard on oursleves, especially about looks. I for one, have terrible feelings about myself, so I can understand where you are coming from. I just hope you can find something about yourself thay you like. I dont even mean looks. For me, I find that I am a caring person. That is something I like about myself. It may be the ONLY thing I like today, but it is a start. Can you think of anything you like about yourslef? I would love to hear about it!

Please write back, and write often. You have come to the BEST place on the web, and I do hope you will stay and be a part of our family!

Love, Dara

:Dthank you. so much for syaing that i really did need to hear that.. well all of it.. lol.. when i try to tell people about it they alwasy say oh thats not bad ou didnt feel the pain i felt. and im just like ok becasue i dont want to argue. i dont mind getting into FIGHTS like fist fights bcuz i can always win those but just yelling fights get boring and someti,mes people get other people to hate me.. and i dont like that. bcuz i already have enough peopl who dont like me lol... i say lol alot becasue i feel that i need to laugh. i no that sometimes laughing at yuorself is nto a good thing but its all i got and so its all i do. lol. see? i canrt ghelp it.. i geuss a good thing about me.. hmm.. wow im drawing a blank.. lol sorry my bad didnt mean to say that. i geuss alot of people say im funny.. i dont know.. i sing.. but thas not really a charector trait right lol? well about the whole abuse thing.. it was my step dad. my mom married him after my dad left. she married him like after not to long bcuz she went to college with him and she dated him then and he was "nice" well lol he hated me and i kinda didnt like him. i tried to like him but i felt like it was all my fault. i mean sioeurslty. i didnt know why he should hate me bcuz i didnt do anything to him at leats i didnt think i did anything to him i geuss he felt i had .. oh well enough of that mushy sad stuff. lol  :) but yea well i geuss maybe i should go bcuz my brotehr wants sum help on his stuff for school. (he does drama) i love him and i am SO proud of him. but ya no. one thing i have to say to you. and i dont mean it to sounds bad. you sound so nice. and you sound so perefct. myabe your life aint, i dont know becasuei have not heard about it, (you can tel me if you like) but i cant see why you would want to do all this stuff to yourself, bcuz ppl care about you, and i already am glad that you talk to me, so. i wuld really be sad if you died.. Roze :-*

thank you. but you see its just so hard for me not to belive what people say to me bcuz basically everyone says it. and this guy he like had me do al this shit and then he said he loves me but it aint that kinda relashinship. in other worrds.. he didn wanna be seen wit me.. now.. he wont even look at me.. i get that all the time.. and i mean people ar always saying how ugly i am and shit i no its true.. but i dont know.. BYe Roze

Roze,

I really get mad when people tell other people they are ugly. Ugly to me means that the person is mean, uncaring, hurtful. It has nothing to do with outward appearances. HONESTLY...I can look at teh "prettiest" girl, by what others tell me, but I know her, her personality, and I tellyou  that to me, I think she is NOT prety!

When I was in school, i was a target for all kinds of nasty abuse form others. I was the PERFECT target. I was always the new kid, as we moved every year. I was quiet and shy, and DIRT POOR. ALways in the same clothing, not in style...BOY was I picked on. It is VERY hard to live through that, but I did, and I think it helped make me a more caring person today.

Please try to remember that these people who are hurting you are being mean, taking advantage of you, and are very insecure people themselves.

Take care and please post again!
Love, Dara

thank you.. seriously.. i mean its not like im perfect and pretty on the inside either.. people say i have a bad attitude too.. once i was in the office ( i love the teacher tho now) bcuz i had just goten in to a fight and the teacher person said i had a bad attuitde bcuz i was coming off as if i didnt care taht i was going to get kicked out. the thingwas that i did care only i didnt want ot start creying in ront of everyone. well him and the people in there. i hate to cry in front of people and that is why i hold it all inside. i am never alone at hom eand so i cant cry i know that your suposed to be able to cry in front of your family but it just dont work for me. i mean i hate it. i dont like sympathy either. seirously i mean its just so hard that i have to keep it inside ya no? lol i mean i shuldnt whine about it bcuz i hate to do that but.. i dont know.. teasgin at school.. here and the fact that ppl tease me bcuz i dont have a dad is also what make me wanna die. i mean i can think about it and i can have freidsn but it never works bcuz they end up being ruder than before as son as i think they are gonna be nice. welli better go bcuz i have to go and run off sum copeis for Mr. Bailey.. bye bye Roze  

Well Roze, I dont have a dad either, or a mom for that matter! They are both alive and well, just not any part of my life. Actually, it is beter for me because they are both abusive and toxic, but still it hurts.

At my wedding, my sisters husband gave me away...you can imagine the looks and comments I got from people. "Why not your father?", "Where is your father"
Apparently if he want there, he is not around. People can be VERY insensitive at times. I dont think they even mean it, but things like that hurt us terribly.

Just be true to yourself, and you will be ok!

I also cannot cry around ANYONE! EVER...it is terribly hard for me to cry. The only time I really cried recently was when I lost my pregnancy last year. That was a killer. ANd I stil had to be away form people in order to cry...

Take care, will ya?

Love, Dara

oh my word i am so sorry about your pregnacy!!! im so sorry..i would have bawled for liek ever and i would not have even cared... ok.. that was a lie.. lol i would have cared.. but see its hard for me.. and im so sory about your mom and dad.. itll pry have to be like my brother giving me away lol.. he would too.. i lvoe him he is so sweet...well at times lol.. i better go now.. talk to you later bye ROze

That is nice that yuo have your brother! I have a brother, but we dont talk. He was not at my wedding. But I have +Steven, well, he is not my REAL brother, be we are so close, we cal eachother brother and sister! I wish he really was my brother though, he is the nicest peoson I know!

ANyhow, my oldest sisters husband helped me out when I was a teenager. He took me into his home, and treated me like his daughter. He really gave ma s sceond chance at life, so it was very special to me that he gave me awa at my wedding!
HEY, the song that I played for his enterance to the reception was "Iron Man" by Ozzy, as he always calls himself that..it was funny, real cool!

Ok, enough of that !
Love, Dara

thanx...i am great frends with my brother.. i lvoe him alot and am so proyd of  him.. funny lol he is two years younger than me.. but he is everything i wanna be.. popular and "hottttt" (lol well ppl say that i dont look ickey grody.ilegal?) nice, funny,and good at everything.. lol...i dont know to say.. you all are so nice.. grr. Roze

It's great to have someone you admire so close to you. I'm sure that you both admire each other, but don't say so!  :D
My brother is also younger than me - about 3 1/2 years - and yet is twice my height! I call him my 'big little brother'!  ;D

lol!! yea me too!! cept i call him shorty.. lol and he is like seven inches taller than me .. lol but see.. dean (the guy who did that shit to me) loved tommy... and he hated me.. Roze

thanx.. your right.. im sorry lol Roze

Roze, beauty is what is in the heart and soul of a person. It's in how they connect with others; and in how they respond to their feelings. I have read your postings. I can see that you are a truly beautiful person. Never doubt that!!

James

aw lol thas really sweet.. you should talk to sum ppl here!! lol well than.. i dont really tihnk i am.. and plp here only judge on the outside.. yea .. roze

I understand about being judged by how a person looks. I dealt with that all through my childhood. I didn't have a lot of friends. The few that I did have were the type pf friends that you only hung around with. I never had like a best friend who I could really talk to. But as I've grown older, I've met people who have taken the time to get to know me; and not judge me by my looks or where I live. These people are a blessing. You will find those type of friends in your life. Just continue to believe in yourself; and know that you are a special and wonderful person.

James

yea.. i dont belivein mysefl tho is the problem.. Roze