Innocence Gone

He is only a boy, yet he is much bigger and stronger than she is.
He tells her what to do,
And she always complies
Out of fear,
For herself and for what will happen to him
If she tells.
So it's a daily battle to exist
In this house where there is no comfort.
No relief from the duties that she must fulfill.
Sometimes she sits so still, trying to act as if she is not there,
Then maybe they will leave her alone.
Other times, she drifts away, while her body below
Is left to take on the pain only a father can bestow,
The games only a brother can create,
With rules that her body cannot escape,
Even when her mind has drifted away.
And where is Mommy?
And where is God?
Where are the sunny days of childhood?
Where has the innocence gone?

--Dara Keenan

Dara,

This is heartfelt and sad very much so :'( I feel so much heart and pain in your words! I feel part of my childhood is missing or gone as well! I grew up in a dysfunctional family was put in the role of a parent at a very young age and now I find myself being my sisters mom instead if the sister she needs! I feel my mom was never there for me so she must never be there for my sister either and I am always picking up the pieces.....though my life could never have compared to yours trust I have some sincere empathy of what you went through!!I am sorry for what has happened to you but I am so happy for who you have become out of this! My bro and sis are must younger than me and it is as  I said hard to be there sister when I feel in the role of a parent! my mon and dad worked alot and I was made to feel and be responsible for my household as a young child that is never a pleasant experience! Thanks for posting dara and listening to parts of my story! I love you girl as a person and as my wonderful friend!
                                                          Hugs,
                                                         Chrissy

Chrissy,
Thank you for the response to my poem. It basically is a glimpse of what I had to live through as a child.
I know you have suffered as well. Being in charge of a family when you are still a child yourself is very difficult. At the time when you are supposed to be taken care of and safe, you are made responsible for others care and safety. It is a difficult, draining job that robbs you of your childhood. I speak from experience here as well. I can identify with your story. I don't know if I have ever todl you this before, but I was in the same position that you have described. I was 16 when my sister became pregnant with her daughter. From that moment on, it was my responsibility to feed my sister, and buy all the baby's needs. I mean ALL of it! From crib to diapers, and i did. I had a jopb, and all my money went to her baby. After she was born, my sister handed her to my mother and myself. I raised Megan from the day she was home form the hospital(my sister didn't live with us either), until I moved out of the house. Megan was about 18 months old. I still supported her and took care of all her needs, but I didnt live there. I was being tortured, abused and used. They used my love for that baby to suck all the money out of me, all the life out of me, and it worked. It was as if she was MY baby! I took care of her in the middle of the night, before school, before and after work, I took her to the doctors, I went to the hospital on my 18th birthday when she was sick, i staysed home and was mommy while my sister went out and had fun. It was so painful to leave the house, to leave Megan, but if I didn't I would have had a breakdown.
Sorry to write all this, but it is good to get it all out. I will write more on the subject later.
Love, Dara

i like this.

QUOTE

Where are the sunny days of childhood? Where has the innocence gone?

of love these lines. where has all the innocence gone is a question i ask myslef everyday.....

Me too dear, me too...

It's good to be forgetful sometimes, and I guess in the event that you're really forgetful of much of what you've experienced in the past, then to that extent you can reclaim the innocence of your childhood.

But I'm just being silly, aren't I?  

innonce is pure.... perfect..... or at least to me it is

In some ways I feel that I was never an innocent child, due to the abuse! Ohter times, I fel like I am an innocent child at heart! Is that odd? I do believe so...

Love, Dara

Not odd at all my girl insightful but not odd you are innocent at heart but your innocence was vicuisly ripped away but I see what you mean! Great analogy
                                                                Love,
                                                                    Chrissy

Thanks Chrissy, it is always nice to be understood!

Love ya girl!
Dara

Understanding comes from being on the other side of the fence where you are but most people are not! It feels wonderful to be loved but even more wonderful to love yourself!
                                                                Love much,
                                                                  Chrissy

omg.. omg.. you are like talking about you? arent you? i mean omg that is so sad... seirously..thats like a really awsome poem tho!!!! but i mean its sad.. not i feel all stuopid for telling you my stuff lol.. its really good thol.. .Roze

I started reading this when you first posted it, but then I stopped as it was too painful at the time. I have now read it all, and I want to send you a big *HUG*. I don't know your whole story and I don't claim that I would necessarily understand it, but I understand the pain of abuse. This is an incredible poem Dara, and not only does it show how powerful events and emotions are in poems, but also shows your strength in writing and sharing it.

My love to you,
Peta.

Peta,

Thank you, your words mean so much to me! I never have expressed my feelings about my abuse to ANYONE before, and the only way I can talk about it at all, is through my poetry. It is odd to acknowledge to myself that I did live through these events of my life, but with acknowledgement comes healing. Though the proces is slow, at least the healing has begun.

Thank you again for your understanding and support!

Love, Dara